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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Lodger eviction update

229 replies

Hellogoodpeople · 14/02/2021 11:48

I just wanted to thank everyone who gave me advice in my last thread about some lodger issues I'd been having.

This included long running issues with one being generally slightly hostile in the full two years she's lived with me, the second lodger being upset that she doesn't have a full floor to herself (which I never gave the impression she'd have and she's paying a standard room rate, not full floor rent), overhearing general bitching and moaning about me and the cat, and then culminating with one lodger being completely livid (shouting and literally snarling at me) for siting at the kitchen table for a quick chat to a recruiter. (For context I sit there once in the blue moon but she felt this should be space reserved for her and the other lodger due to the fact that I have an additional work from home space and don't pay rent)... While I don't pay rent - in the flat that I own - I obviously pay the mortgage, bills and expenses.

The bitching and moaning about me that I partially overheard was apparently just about me sitting at the kitchen table that one time. But the fact that they were comfortable launching straight into a vitriolic moan about me, made me suspect they've had a couple of conversations like this before. For context, I'd say I'm fairly easy to live with. I don't have house rules and I'm fairly friendly and supportive. It's always been important to me that the lodgers feel comfortable in my home and that it is also their home.

Unfortunately when I posted the thread, someone thought I was a troll (due to someone not believing that one of my lodgers would tell me about being in a deposit dispute with her previous landlord and the reason why) and mumset deleted the thread. They've since realised I'm not a troll (I'm a regular poster but changed my user name for this thread) but I requested for the original thread to remain deleted as it contained personal details.

However, I wanted to post an update and say thank you for the feedback and also to the person who posted the assertiveness booklet which I've been reading and have found useful.

So for my update... a couple of days after I created the thread I did give both lodgers notice. I do feel a bit sad about the second lodger leaving as I mostly enjoyed having her stay. But I'd just reached my tolerance limit with the first one and felt I should ask both to leave especially as they have become close.

It's been a little frosty, especially with the first lodger (the one who told me not to sit at the kitchen table) but so far so good.

There has been a bit of oddness which I'd usually brush off but I'm now reading a bit of an eff-you to me (shutting themselves in the kitchen with loud music, leaving oil or something similar on the kitchen floor, smearing some sort of red paint on the kitchen floor and cat mat this morning, making a bit of noise outside my room first thing in the morning etc...) but I've decided to ignore and count down the days until they go.

When I gave them notice, I didn't mention anything at all about their behaviour as a reason. I kept it all quite positive and told them that unfortunately I need to isolate to help out my sick mum at short notice. This is true, and she is possibly looking at surgery soon. But the fact that neither of them have actually asked how my mum is (especially the one who has been with me for a while and who I've been really supportive of over the years), has also made me realise I made the right decision.

Most of you recommended for me to give them two weeks notice but in the end I have them a month... so hopefully not too much drama over that time.

Anyway, that's my update. I'm not a troll and I've taken everyone's advice. Smile Life is too short of a frosty home environment, especially when you can't actually go anywhere for the foreseeable. But onwards and upwards. Smile

OP posts:
thegcatsmother · 14/02/2021 11:54

I read your last thread; thank you for updating. You have been very generous in allowing them a month....let them know, as soon as they find somewhere else, they can go. Make plain that any damage they do between now and then, you will expect them to pay for.

GreenSeaGlass · 14/02/2021 11:56

I’m glad you’ve made this decision and they are going. I had lodgers for years- mostly lovely people but a couple that made me feel uncomfortable in my own house. It’s awful and you shouldn’t feel bad about terminating the agreement.

Did you take a damage deposit when they moved in? I’d be concerned if they are already causing deliberate damage - this could potentially escalate as they move out.

AlwaysCheddar · 14/02/2021 11:57

At least the end is in sight.... but it will be frosty indoors and out!

wishywashywoowoo70 · 14/02/2021 11:57

Yay you're back.
As PP make it very clear that any damage will be paid for. Do you have deposits from them.
They sound the exact type to piss about now and purposely damage your home 🏡

QueenOfLabradors · 14/02/2021 12:00

Well done! I'd been wondering if we'd managed to help you get the courage up to address this.

avocadospringseternal · 14/02/2021 12:01

I'm glad that you've taken steps to bring the situation to a close and it's great you're finding that assertiveness booklet useful. I hope things improve for you from here.

CattyCactus · 14/02/2021 12:02

I read your first thread. Bizarre someone called troll 🤦🏼‍♀️.
Glad you’ve come back to update and have given them both notice.
Onwards and upwards, and as was said on your other thread, if you do get more lodgers in, maybe interview and take references before committing.

bubblebubblebubbletrouble · 14/02/2021 12:04

Fingers crossed for you that the month goes smoothly.

Nowisthemonthofmaying · 14/02/2021 12:04

Oh great news! I was wondering what happened to that thread. Well done you.

Hellogoodpeople · 14/02/2021 12:07

Yes, both have paid deposits which I've told them they'll get back the day after they move out. So hopefully that's an incentive not to go too crazy during the notice period.

But yes, a little frosty in and out. But I'm wrapped up warmly and braced for impact Smile

@wishywashywoowoo70 Also quite touched by your 'yay you're back' comment. Smile You've put a much needed smile on my face this morning!

OP posts:
TheLaughingGenome · 14/02/2021 12:07

Jesus, I hope you have deposits. You really should warn them that damages will be charged for, and/or you can change their notice terms to 'immediate' if they're damaging your property.

A month's notice?! A fake(ish) reason?! You really really need to get rid rid of them asap and stand up for yourself.

TheLaughingGenome · 14/02/2021 12:08

I'll come and have a word with them myself if I live close enough. Grin

BillyIsMyBunny · 14/02/2021 12:10

Thanks for the update - glad to hear you followed the advice and have given them notice. Hope they go quietly and you’re then able to enjoy a new peace within your home.

StillCoughingandLaughing · 14/02/2021 12:10

Anyone who told me I couldn’t sit at my own kitchen table would find their belongings on the doorstep and the locks changed. You’ve been more than fair.

Radio4Rocks · 14/02/2021 12:11

Thanks for the update. Good luck.

MessAllOver · 14/02/2021 12:12

I'd warn them that any damage will be deducted from their deposits.

MzHz · 14/02/2021 12:18

Well done! We know how hard that was for you.

No you know that they are going, you don’t need to give a shiny shit about them. You have their deposits too.

Tell them that if they leave things a mess, smear things into your belongings they will have to replace them and you will make deductions

Or if they think they can’t manage to live here showing respect for you and you’re home, they’re free to leave at a moments notice. The sooner the better for you as then you’re safer for your mum sooner Wink

MzHz · 14/02/2021 12:19

Your home... bloody autocorrect

Damn you Steve Jobs! I know it was you!

Longdistance · 14/02/2021 12:20

I’m glad you’re back too.
A month is far too generous and yes, any damage they cause will be taken out of their deposit. I’d give them another letter as a warning them if this.

Pebbledashery · 14/02/2021 12:21

So pleased. You get your home back yay.

partyatthepalace · 14/02/2021 12:24

Glad you got it sorted. A month is very generous of you - don’t be kind about the deposit though - charge them every Penny beyond wear and tear.

What was the booklet recommended?!

grapewine · 14/02/2021 12:25

Yeah, you jumped the gun saying they'd get their deposits back.

TheyIsMyFamily · 14/02/2021 12:29

Well done.

I'd remind them after any more 'smearing of oils/paints/mess' incidents that the return of their deposit is on condition of your home not being damaged by them.

Coyoacan · 14/02/2021 12:32

I agree, OP, about warning them about the risk to their deposit if they damage your stuff and instant eviction if they continue to be so disrespectful.

You really do need to study assertiveness. It is not about being unpleasant, just time you defended your right to a peaceful existence. There are lots of lovely lodgers out there that you could be enjoying your time with.

crimsonlake · 14/02/2021 12:33

Agree a month was too generous, however you have done well to gather the courage to ask them to leave. Hopefully they go quietly, thank you for the update and good luck.

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