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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Lodger eviction update

229 replies

Hellogoodpeople · 14/02/2021 11:48

I just wanted to thank everyone who gave me advice in my last thread about some lodger issues I'd been having.

This included long running issues with one being generally slightly hostile in the full two years she's lived with me, the second lodger being upset that she doesn't have a full floor to herself (which I never gave the impression she'd have and she's paying a standard room rate, not full floor rent), overhearing general bitching and moaning about me and the cat, and then culminating with one lodger being completely livid (shouting and literally snarling at me) for siting at the kitchen table for a quick chat to a recruiter. (For context I sit there once in the blue moon but she felt this should be space reserved for her and the other lodger due to the fact that I have an additional work from home space and don't pay rent)... While I don't pay rent - in the flat that I own - I obviously pay the mortgage, bills and expenses.

The bitching and moaning about me that I partially overheard was apparently just about me sitting at the kitchen table that one time. But the fact that they were comfortable launching straight into a vitriolic moan about me, made me suspect they've had a couple of conversations like this before. For context, I'd say I'm fairly easy to live with. I don't have house rules and I'm fairly friendly and supportive. It's always been important to me that the lodgers feel comfortable in my home and that it is also their home.

Unfortunately when I posted the thread, someone thought I was a troll (due to someone not believing that one of my lodgers would tell me about being in a deposit dispute with her previous landlord and the reason why) and mumset deleted the thread. They've since realised I'm not a troll (I'm a regular poster but changed my user name for this thread) but I requested for the original thread to remain deleted as it contained personal details.

However, I wanted to post an update and say thank you for the feedback and also to the person who posted the assertiveness booklet which I've been reading and have found useful.

So for my update... a couple of days after I created the thread I did give both lodgers notice. I do feel a bit sad about the second lodger leaving as I mostly enjoyed having her stay. But I'd just reached my tolerance limit with the first one and felt I should ask both to leave especially as they have become close.

It's been a little frosty, especially with the first lodger (the one who told me not to sit at the kitchen table) but so far so good.

There has been a bit of oddness which I'd usually brush off but I'm now reading a bit of an eff-you to me (shutting themselves in the kitchen with loud music, leaving oil or something similar on the kitchen floor, smearing some sort of red paint on the kitchen floor and cat mat this morning, making a bit of noise outside my room first thing in the morning etc...) but I've decided to ignore and count down the days until they go.

When I gave them notice, I didn't mention anything at all about their behaviour as a reason. I kept it all quite positive and told them that unfortunately I need to isolate to help out my sick mum at short notice. This is true, and she is possibly looking at surgery soon. But the fact that neither of them have actually asked how my mum is (especially the one who has been with me for a while and who I've been really supportive of over the years), has also made me realise I made the right decision.

Most of you recommended for me to give them two weeks notice but in the end I have them a month... so hopefully not too much drama over that time.

Anyway, that's my update. I'm not a troll and I've taken everyone's advice. Smile Life is too short of a frosty home environment, especially when you can't actually go anywhere for the foreseeable. But onwards and upwards. Smile

OP posts:
thosetalesofunexpected · 14/02/2021 16:58

@Hellogoodpeople

I Just think these spiteful Nasty Nurses could possible try to damage your Photo Family Albums in some way.

Just out of spite to sabotage/and undermine your rightfully Authority as their Landlady in any way Possible.

LongCOVID · 14/02/2021 16:59

@DoItAfraid

Well done OP.

One last thing please do formally notify them of this:

"Well done but remind them they are there under a licence agreement and any continued comments or damage will change the extremely reasonable months notice to immediate request to leave."

You may have been able to get the red stuff out but next time it might be something different.

Please just state this so that it's upfront. The atmosphere is already chilly so you dont even have to worry about that now - just do it today and then it's done.

Well done OP - glad you came back to share. Totally agree with DoIt here - I'd have booted them out after the first red paint incident after giving notice, but you're obviously nicer than me!

Good luck.

NelAntartic · 14/02/2021 17:06

I'm also pleased you came back to update. Unbelievable that the first thread was zapped.

Hope this month goes smoothly.

Mia184 · 14/02/2021 17:07

@Mia184

OP, I’d make sure that they are not alone with your cat. They sound vile.
Also, don’t leave the cat food unattended. I remember that one of them doesn‘t like your cat and with them being nurses, I‘d worry that she might get your cat ill.
thosetalesofunexpected · 14/02/2021 17:07

@Hellogoodpeople

Op
You need to kick them out a hell of a lot sooner than the month notice op.

They are taking the Royal Piss out of you.

Obviously make sure you sort out officially your paperwork/take those photos as evidence for small claims court/solicitors to get all your money back from all the destructive damage they have done.

Twisique · 14/02/2021 17:10

How many days to go OP?

TurquoiseDragon · 14/02/2021 17:13

I agree with getting them out sooner. They have the potential to do a lot of damage before leaving, and the comments about the cat and keeping them away from it and the food do make me wonder how far they would go.

So photos, videos, etc record everything. Remind them damages will be taken out of deposits.

And yes to changing the locks as soon as they're out the door. If you can't afford a locksmith, Youtube has videos on how to change the barrel of a lock, and barrels can be bought at DIY places.

Mummyratbag · 14/02/2021 17:21

Geez you gave them a month's notice out of the goodness of your heart and they have repayed you by damaging (or attempting to damage) your property, being loud and generally unpleasant. I would remind them that the deposit is conditional and so is the month's notice. I would let them know one more incident and they will be out within 24 hours. Please protect yourself and the cat!

theconstantinoplegardener · 14/02/2021 17:33

I'm afraid I agree with crazy. I think your cat needs to be in a cattery/staying with a friend, until your lodgers have gone. Unlike with damage to furniture, equipment etc in your home, it would be very difficult to prove responsibility if they were to do something to your cat (especially if your cat is allowed outside, in which case it could "accidentally" eat something dangerous, be put in a car and let out miles from home etc). If your lodgers, who apparently dislike the cat, were to do something like this, there would be little chance of them losing their deposit (since deliberate poisoning, injury etc is so hard to prove) and maximum chance of causing pain to you. So the cat may be a tempting target for them.

I believe nurses are obliged to uphold certain standards of behaviour even out of work, and conduct that suggests they may be unsuitable to care for vulnerable people can lead to them being struck off their professional register and losing their job. Could you subtlety make them aware of that? Perhaps in conversation: "Gosh, someone told me yesterday that if nurses' behaviour outside of work brings their profession into disrepute, they can lose their job, is that true? You must have to be so careful!" with a concerned tilt of the head. Just so they know that you know...

Confusedandshaken · 14/02/2021 17:33

I'm very impressed with your assertiveness. Thank you so much for coming back to update us.

Good luck with the last few weeks.

PinkiOcelot · 14/02/2021 18:10

Hey OP. I read your last thread and was fuming for you.

So glad you’ve given them notice, but to echo everyone else, I would be making it abundantly clear that any mess or damage costs will be taken from their deposits

TitusPullo · 14/02/2021 18:16

You sound very reasonable OP, I hope you can find some lovely cat loving lodgers in the future.

NorthAndSouthern · 14/02/2021 18:30

This definitely sounds like the right way to go.

I didn’t read the whole of the original thread but could someone post a link to the assertiveness booklet please

Nanny2many · 14/02/2021 18:40

@theconstantinoplegardener

I'm afraid I agree with crazy. I think your cat needs to be in a cattery/staying with a friend, until your lodgers have gone. Unlike with damage to furniture, equipment etc in your home, it would be very difficult to prove responsibility if they were to do something to your cat (especially if your cat is allowed outside, in which case it could "accidentally" eat something dangerous, be put in a car and let out miles from home etc). If your lodgers, who apparently dislike the cat, were to do something like this, there would be little chance of them losing their deposit (since deliberate poisoning, injury etc is so hard to prove) and maximum chance of causing pain to you. So the cat may be a tempting target for them.

I believe nurses are obliged to uphold certain standards of behaviour even out of work, and conduct that suggests they may be unsuitable to care for vulnerable people can lead to them being struck off their professional register and losing their job. Could you subtlety make them aware of that? Perhaps in conversation: "Gosh, someone told me yesterday that if nurses' behaviour outside of work brings their profession into disrepute, they can lose their job, is that true? You must have to be so careful!" with a concerned tilt of the head. Just so they know that you know...

Exactly this. Also I thought about the oil could OP subtle (or not) mention it, saying "Im sure neither of you would have not wiped it up as you know about health and safety through your job"
hannayeah · 14/02/2021 18:56

I’d tell them if they become disruptive they can leave immediately.

Does anyone else think maybe the lodgers are the same children that visited one woman’s Brother and SIL at their Italian ski chalet, made a mess and spilled nail polish everywhere when told to leave?

Feedingthebirds1 · 14/02/2021 19:15

From the Nurses' Code of Conduct:

1.19 act as an ambassador, upholding the reputation of their
profession and promoting public confidence in nursing,
health and care services.

AngelDelightUK · 14/02/2021 19:20

I wondered how you were doing, I can’t believe someone thought you were a troll.

So happy that you’ve given them notice, hopefully the time with fly by

EveryDayIsADuvetDay · 14/02/2021 19:30

see if you can find a discounted advent calendar online and start the countdown Grin

Ahwelltoobad · 14/02/2021 19:38

Really glad to hear your update, and thanks for adding the links on assertiveness! Flowers

PuppyMonkeyBaby · 14/02/2021 22:46

@Hellogoodpeople

They did both pay deposits but I think any small issues in the communal areas I'll just have to live with as I won't know who did what.

I'm not sure what the paint was. It looked like nail varnish but I was able to scrub it off with a wet wipe so must have been something else. It was in three places with two quite long lines of it and a bigger rounder blob. But as I managed to get it off pretty easily it's not worth the stress of mentioning.

I did tell them I'm going to be reasonable about normal wear and tear over the period they've been here but that will apply more to the grumpier one who has been here a long time. Everything in the second lodger's room was brand new when she moved in fairly recently, so I would definitely want to buy a new mattress if I find a huge stain for example. And would take that from the deposit. But hopefully that won't be an issue.

And I've never taken the deposit from previous lodgers, so hopefully I won't need to now, fingers crossed.

I did give them notice in writing so hopefully no confusion there. But pics of anything else going forward might be a good idea just in case.

And for anyone else who was interested in the assertiveness booklet that someone posted last time, it was this:
www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/Resources/Looking-After-Yourself/Assertiveness

... which linked to this:
www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/-/media/CCI/Consumer-Modules/Assert-Yourself/Assert-Yourself---01---What-is-Assertiveness.pdf

Smile

First paragraph... don’t put up with it! It doesn’t matter who did the damage , it’s theirs to pay for. Tell them they need to let you know who did the damage so you know whose deposit to take it from. Let them fight about it and if they don’t give you a straight answer then tell them you divide it between them both
JayAlfredPrufrock · 14/02/2021 22:52

Glad you are back and fingers crossed for a stress free notice period.

BeepBoopBop · 15/02/2021 07:29

I am delighted you are back and thank you for the update. I'm really sorry you had a hard time from a few posters, but so glad you got some practical help from one of the hive.

Don't let the petty acts of defiance become the new norm. Keep strengthening that backbone. Use them as practise for everyday life Smile. Every assertive act from you will diminish their 'power'. Good luck 🤞

thosetalesofunexpected · 15/02/2021 10:02

@Hellogoodpeople

Do not be Tempted to even give these Nurses, tenants of yours a standard, Character References just stating that they Lived at your addresse at a particular date until the tenancy finished whatever date it will be.

As by doing this you are give in the impression that were OK Tenants/Lodgers to Live with for their Next Landladies/Landlords.

Why on earth would you help these Nurses in any way?
When they have treated you so much like Shit,and they are endangering your health and safety by sabotaging/being destructive damages in your property ect.!

Plus its not fair to their future Landladies/Landlords to give the impression they are OK as future Potential Tenants/Lodgers.

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 15/02/2021 15:03

I was just thinking re NMC if they're registered nurses...? 👍😁.

All registered professionals will have something in their professional code re standards of behaviour and integrity.

Someone i came across had a very sticky time with the NMC for a alleged incident...

They woudkbt want to bring their registration into question, now would they?....

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 15/02/2021 15:06

PS after they've gone and changed the locks... I really woudkbt give them any reference.

They've caused you ALL this grief... You've tried to be nice to them and they've behaved like stroppy teenagers.....

If you're pressed by someone for a reference... I may say something like this... They lived as lodgers here from x date to Z date, when they were given notice. I really can't comment further...

And leave your tel number on the reference.....

That's not illegal... The whole idea of reference is that it is a true reflection of your experience... And this would be a fiar comment, surely...

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