@Missrhodes
I have recently started dating a guy of 2 months, whom I do really like however I find him very disingenuous. He started of super keen, we went on a few dates and which went great but I noticed that he would bring up sex every so often. I am someone who has slept with men quite quickly in the past which hasn’t really worked out for me, so this time I have decided to take my time. Since going into lockdown we haven’t spent a lot of time together which I have voiced is a concern for me and I put it down to us not yet sleeping together which makes me question how genuine his interest in me is. He tries to convince me that things are in my head, and sex won’t change anything, now he’s told me he doesn’t want me to stay the night as it’s difficult as we aren’t sleeping together but he fails to realise that we haven’t had sex because I feel he puts in little to no effort and simply doesn’t deserve it. I am 30 and I’m looking for something long term and serious, which he claims he is too, but when sex is at the forefront of many conversations how am I to believe this. AIBU?
From my experience i had a lady that wanted to connect with me , at first she was lovely pretty much everything i would be intrigued with.
We talked and chatted ect seemed to get along had interests with similar topics, no real reason for doubt at first.
My thinking was, if this lady was a potential partner and she really was into me, my thinking was she would take the time to build the friendship over x months then when both of use were ready we would commit and form the relationship. Plus this also gave me the opportunity to see if what she was saying e.g. The personality, the habits, the perspectives ect would be consistent over time, then it would give a good foundation so to speak. Rather than rushing then discovering who is this person.
But because I was in no rush to jump with feet first and wanted to take my time, then the subtle manipulation tactics made me suspicious of the motives.
At first it was I like e.g. X then after a while the posts on Facebook seemed to indicate differences of preference.
Then it was I like y, but only one item of proof or small example to back up the statement.
Then the main red flag, after a few weeks it was the, people normally don't like to wait x until your intrested, and to me i.thought, hold on if you want us to begin a relationship and you know my preference of not rushing and wanting to get to know you, then why would that hold water with me.
Then every so often it was the if you want to know anything, just ask, and.i.thought i cannot say I'm waiting to see if your views and perspectives ect are consistent, and also if I did ask e.g. X and she has a cover story for it, then that to me is just a story.
There were other details that also seemed like she wanted to rush things and it was like why the rush and if your rushing this quick, what exactly would I be getting myself into and it seemed very odd at certain moment's, but it was the subtle altering of perspectives over time that were the blocks that suggested that what was her original perspectives to agree with mine, were suddenly becoming her true perspectives, either that or she was talking with other guys and trying to charm them,
Overall I'd say if the person wants you for you, keep your guard up, and if they truly want a long term relationship, then they should be happy and willing to build a good foundation for you both to then connect with and take things further.