In not going to drop things off at the hospital

[Hoppinggreen]

My mum fell about 10 days ago and was taken to hospital where she has had an op. The hospital is very close to my house and when she has been there before I have been daily and taken food etc (she hates hospital food). I don’t mind visiting under normal circumstances and it’s nice to see her.
However, we have been pretty careful during Covid and stuck to the rules around seeing her. She and my sdad have health issues so are vulnerable but have been out and about more than they should, plus I know my brother has visited regularly. We are healthy but DD has mild asthma and I am overweight, plus DH is SE so if he was ill and couldn’t work it would cost us ££££££.
I dropped off a book and a couple of things my mum asked for last week but despite wearing a mask, using have gel etc I was pretty uneasy about being at the hospital and when DH had a blood test he also dropped off some clean nighties for her, the nurse taking his blood actually advised against it as he said Covid was rife in the hospital and my mums ward was opposite the Covid ward. DH did it anyway
This morning I had a text asking me to take her some more things and some food as the food there was awful, last time she was in hospital I cooked extra and took it in a cool bag to keep warm. I have replied saying I am not going to shops at the moment (thank you Ocado) and in any case I am not comfortable with coming to the hospital. I have suggested sdad do it as he has had both jabs so it’s safer to him. He does have some cognitive issues but can drive, go to shops etc.
I have had quite a nasty text back and now feel guilty - not guilty enough to do it but even so. DH is quite cross my mum would even ask
I am right not to go aren’t I? In an emergency I would go obviously but wanting a sandwich and clean undies isn’t an emergency

I would say needing clean undies was a pretty dire situation. I couldn’t imagine leaving my mum without clean pants. Hospital food can be really awful too.

The nasty text was out of order. I would have still gone to the hospital.

Even though sdad can do it instead?

YABU.

I have nothing nice to say so that's where I'll leave it.

I'd go but I quite like my mum

Wow. No you aren't right not to go - I wouldn't ever leave my mum without clean underwear, pandemic or not. Yabu. Imagine being In a hospital without clean pants?! How undignified. Your poor mum.

@Hoppinggreen

Even though sdad can do it instead?

She had asked you. He is vulnerable.

Like I said, I can’t imagine leaving my mum with dirty pants when I lived right next door to the hospital. I don’t understand at all.

Where are you taking the stuff? At our hospital we are only allowed to drop off at the main desk or previous to that, the main ward door. You wouldn't be going into any wards or having prolonged contact with anybody.

To be honest I think it is mean not to drop your mum off some clean underwear and whatever she may need. Wear a mask and a visor, use plenty of alcogel and wash hands throughly afterwards and you'll be fine. You could even change your clothes if you are that bothered. Thousands of NHS staff go to these hospitals every day and they are not all off with covid...
It must be horrible to be stuck in hospital and nobody can visit you so at the very least having clean clothes would be nice. It's your mum!

I’m fairly sure our local hospital has a system in place for getting things like clean clothes etc to patients without having to go up on the ward?

And food is so important for health and recovery. Unless you’re actually vulnerable (asthmatic children are doing no worse than other children with COVID-19- I know as DS has asthma and has had covid, so had this very discussion with his doctor, and you say you’re overweight, which runs from being a bit on the heavy side like me, to being morbidly obese, so saying you’re overweight doesn’t really signify) I would go.

I think you’re rather unkind.

And tbh I don’t even get on that well with my DM

I would definitely do everything I can to get her what she needs. Especially as you are so close.

There is a system in place to drop off, be wiped down, quarantined then given to patients.

Food no though unless packaged. Normal rules apply there due to the risk of food poisoning.

I’m sure she must feel quite alone, abandoned and frightened being there.

I’m afraid I would be taking my mum some clean undies in this situation. You’re allowed to just drop them off, surely, if you don’t want to go up into the ward?

In our Trust there is no visiting allowed. They have a drop off point where families are able to drop off any items which are then delivered to the patient. You could surely drop off some stuff for her? I can’t imagine how bored/lonely/fed up she must be feeling right now. It’s bad enough having a stay in hospital in non-covid times.

You won’t drop off clean pants for your mum at a hospital that is very very close to your house when she’s been in hospital for the best part of 2 weeks?!

@Chanjer

I'd go but I quite like my mum

Very true! It does sound like you don't like her very much

Your poor mum. How heartless and selfish are you.

Wow, quite surprising it appears I may BU.
DH was so sure I shouldn’t go - he won’t stop me but he said he felt it was unwise

Agree re the food- I’d pick lovely snacks that she likes, and fruit, that will survive being quarantined.

Is this some sort of reverse? Are you getting grief from your husband for going or something?

It is very hard to believe anyone can be to callous towards their own mum.

My grandfather recently died in hospital when he was in for something not considered serious, he had a sudden heart attack. The fact that we hadn't been able to see him feels horrendous. So yes in a heartbeat I'd take my mum the things she needs, you never know what can happen

I wouldn't do it just now as I am pregnant and don't want to risk being ill by going to hospital.

But my dad is more than capable of doing it for her as he drives and lives 15 mins from the hospital.

However if she really needed it and my dad couldn't manage it then I would. I'd take all precautions and hope for the best.

I wouldn't like to think of my mum needing clean clothes and I know they would do it for me.

Yeah that’s a bit shit. Proper got the covid fear haven’t you? Put a mask on, sanitise, drop at desk, the virus is not going to jump out and shake your hand, some of us have had to go out into the world and deal with it since the start of all this.

She’s your mum, don’t be so selfish.

And I would like to point out I have taken her a couple of books, some nail varnish, clean nighties, snacks, drinks up until now so I’m not totally heartless

@Hoppinggreen

Wow, quite surprising it appears I may BU. DH was so sure I shouldn’t go - he won’t stop me but he said he felt it was unwise

Are you genuinely shocked that people think you're being unkind?? Maybe a lesson that not everything your DH says is gospel!!

I would definitely do it, but our local hospital has a system with volunteers so you drop off at the door.

It doesn't seem like a great idea for the patients to have a load of people, potentially bringing even more covid into the hospital, wandering the corridors at the moment.

And my sdad is perfectly capable of going and has had both jabs