In not going to drop things off at the hospital

[Hoppinggreen]

My mum fell about 10 days ago and was taken to hospital where she has had an op. The hospital is very close to my house and when she has been there before I have been daily and taken food etc (she hates hospital food). I don’t mind visiting under normal circumstances and it’s nice to see her.
However, we have been pretty careful during Covid and stuck to the rules around seeing her. She and my sdad have health issues so are vulnerable but have been out and about more than they should, plus I know my brother has visited regularly. We are healthy but DD has mild asthma and I am overweight, plus DH is SE so if he was ill and couldn’t work it would cost us ££££££.
I dropped off a book and a couple of things my mum asked for last week but despite wearing a mask, using have gel etc I was pretty uneasy about being at the hospital and when DH had a blood test he also dropped off some clean nighties for her, the nurse taking his blood actually advised against it as he said Covid was rife in the hospital and my mums ward was opposite the Covid ward. DH did it anyway
This morning I had a text asking me to take her some more things and some food as the food there was awful, last time she was in hospital I cooked extra and took it in a cool bag to keep warm. I have replied saying I am not going to shops at the moment (thank you Ocado) and in any case I am not comfortable with coming to the hospital. I have suggested sdad do it as he has had both jabs so it’s safer to him. He does have some cognitive issues but can drive, go to shops etc.
I have had quite a nasty text back and now feel guilty - not guilty enough to do it but even so. DH is quite cross my mum would even ask
I am right not to go aren’t I? In an emergency I would go obviously but wanting a sandwich and clean undies isn’t an emergency

On a side note, I am really surprised a hospital is allowing, indeed forcing, random outsisers to come in and freely roam the corridors right up to wards to deliver items to patients. Every hospital I know is letting no-one but patients in. Even some carers have been turned away. Patients are on their own.
They seem very lax Covid protocols.

@Hoppinggreen

Wow, quite surprising it appears I may BU. DH was so sure I shouldn’t go - he won’t stop me but he said he felt it was unwise

Quite clear that YOU don’t fancy / think you should go either

@Scarby9

On a side note, I am really surprised a hospital is allowing, indeed forcing, random outsisers to come in and freely roam the corridors right up to wards to deliver items to patients. Every hospital I know is letting no-one but patients in. Even some carers have been turned away. Patients are on their own. They seem very lax Covid protocols.

I was pretty surprised to be honest when I arrived at the main Reception and was told to go up to the 3rd floor with the items I took last week

I dont think yabu op because you have said your household is vulnerable in several ways and your step dad can do it and has had both jabs. If no one could go then that's cruel and selfish but as someone, who I assume she lives with and has access to her clothes etc can go it's better they do.

I'm also surprised the ward is allowing people to go in to the ward to drop stuff off.

I wonder what reactions people would give if it was a son expected to go?

@Hoppinggreen

And sdads cognitive issues are just that he’s a bit forgetful. If asked to do something he can and will. No weather issues here

OMG

Is being forgetful now a "cognitive issue"?

Do you dislike your mum OP? Is there a backstory?

If stepdad is her DH, it's more his duty but I am surprised you are so annoyed about it.

My old neighbour that we lived next door to for seven years has been in hospital for a few weeks now. His family are not nearby. Without question I have dropped off any necessary requests to him. I have the ward number and ring them to ask if they would just get the bag off of me. Park for free for twenty minutes. Walk in, walk out of main reception. Electric doors so I don't even touch a single thing. It's also a twenty five minute drive and back but it's a friend in dire need. If it was my Mum it would be even more important for me.

My mum has just had six weeks in hospital. We were asked not to bring in anything that we weren't happy to be destroyed due to Covid transmission and no food stuffs. No nighties or pants from home were allowed.
When we did drop her mobile phone, some magazines etc we put them in a carrier bag with her name, dob and ward on and the main reception desk took them.

I like my Mum too and would definitely do this for her .......if your dads had 2 jabs I’m assuming he’s over 80 as that’s the only age that has had 2 jabs and at his age he is still vulnerable.... your poor Mum

I wouldn't go but I'd find a way to ensure your mum had clean underwear, and sdad could take a taxi if driving is an issue.

I dont think yabu op because you have said your household is vulnerable in several ways

Mild asthma is not a big risk for covid.
Being self employed does not make you particularly vulnerable to covid.

I wonder what reactions people would give if it was a son expected to go?

Exactly the same.
Anyone leaving their mum with just dirty knickers is not someone I would want to know.

Do you have to take it into the ward or can you drop it off outside?

But nothing has changed since you last dropped items to your DM. The only change is your DH's attitude. The risk hasn't changed at all.

To put into perspective, my DH and DC are vulnerable. My DM was in hospital and then had to go back for appointments. My DH was completely supportive of me taking her to hospital and the appointments - even though it was the highest risk activity any of us had done - because she's my DM and she's his DMIL and he actually likes and cares for both of us.

Oh wow OP some people are giving you a really hard time. I don't think you're unreasonable.

• your brother should share the responsibility, why can't he go?
• why can't someone bring her enough underwear (just a month's worth in a bag?)
• if your dad is vulnerable but has been going out and about like you said, then he probably can also drop off things himself

She needs clean underwear, but I don't see why that shouldn't be only your responsibility.

I think you are being a bit too precious, but at the end of the day if these are your boundaries they should be respected. Getting a mean text for not wanting to go in the current circumstances is a bit much.

I think YANBU. When the nurse in a hospital tells me that Covid is rife there, and not to visit, I listen!

Can you not drop stuff for your mum off in Reception?

I'm surprised at the responses here. Your Mum has a perfectly capable husband who has had both jabs... so is now less vulnerable than you. It may not be zero risk, but it's less risk than you would have.

Why is everyone expecting you to go instead of him?

@peak2021

I wouldn't go but I'd find a way to ensure your mum had clean underwear, and sdad could take a taxi if driving is an issue.

It’s not, he can drive

your brother should share the responsibility, why can't he go?

Some older women wouldn’t be comfortable being brought underwear by their sons. I’ve seen this a fair bit before.

I would flip the situation. If it were reversed, would your Mum do it for you?

I know my Mum would move hell and high water to get things to me were I in hospital. Taking precautions by wearing a mask, going straight in and out and using hand gel etc makes this relatively low risk.

YABU.

My DD has just been in for 5 days via ambulance and they gave her clean gowns and knickers as they didn’t want family dropping off etc. Twas a COVID ward though. I’d get SDad to do it why take the risk.

@OverTheRainbow88

Do you have to take it into the ward or can you drop it off outside?

Have to go up to the ward on the 3rd floor

That's kind that your DH wouldn't 'stop' you from going .

The hospital's system for dropping stuff off doesn't seem very good though, here there is a drop off point. Are you sure you didn't just have someone last time giving you duff advice?

Your Mum has a perfectly capable husband who has had both jabs...

The op previously said he was vulnerable but that seems to be being ignored because it doesn’t fit with her view on whether she’s being unreasonable not to good her poor mum some clean knickers.

@PurpleDaisies

your brother should share the responsibility, why can't he go?

Some older women wouldn’t be comfortable being brought underwear by their sons. I’ve seen this a fair bit before.

Not an issue

And the knickers are multi fit stretchy jobs she said they were comfy. DM also had them in hospital when she was in unexpectedly (150 mls away)

So most posters think your mum's husband, who has been immunised and can drive, is not the best person to help your mum?