In not going to drop things off at the hospital

[Hoppinggreen]

My mum fell about 10 days ago and was taken to hospital where she has had an op. The hospital is very close to my house and when she has been there before I have been daily and taken food etc (she hates hospital food). I don’t mind visiting under normal circumstances and it’s nice to see her.
However, we have been pretty careful during Covid and stuck to the rules around seeing her. She and my sdad have health issues so are vulnerable but have been out and about more than they should, plus I know my brother has visited regularly. We are healthy but DD has mild asthma and I am overweight, plus DH is SE so if he was ill and couldn’t work it would cost us ££££££.
I dropped off a book and a couple of things my mum asked for last week but despite wearing a mask, using have gel etc I was pretty uneasy about being at the hospital and when DH had a blood test he also dropped off some clean nighties for her, the nurse taking his blood actually advised against it as he said Covid was rife in the hospital and my mums ward was opposite the Covid ward. DH did it anyway
This morning I had a text asking me to take her some more things and some food as the food there was awful, last time she was in hospital I cooked extra and took it in a cool bag to keep warm. I have replied saying I am not going to shops at the moment (thank you Ocado) and in any case I am not comfortable with coming to the hospital. I have suggested sdad do it as he has had both jabs so it’s safer to him. He does have some cognitive issues but can drive, go to shops etc.
I have had quite a nasty text back and now feel guilty - not guilty enough to do it but even so. DH is quite cross my mum would even ask
I am right not to go aren’t I? In an emergency I would go obviously but wanting a sandwich and clean undies isn’t an emergency

OP I mean it more in relation to his controlling you than what he does for your mum. I do agree that system is really ridiculous, and I would feel more uneasy about that, it also surely makes it a lot more unsafe for patients!

And here my friends is one of the reasons Covid is still so prevalent.

Nothing your mum wants is essential. Of course YANBU to not go in.

Ok, you may be ok. But what if you pass it on? You may be symptomless and give it to a whole ward of sick people.

Clearly a lot of posters here have lost perspective on how dangerous this is to vulnerable people and how the best thing to do is stop ALL non-essential trips. Including taking your mum food when she has plenty available to her.

Jeez, please don't let these people change your mind OP. For your sake and those in th the wards, they don't need extra people coming and going unnecessarily.

Nowt as queer as folk as my Nana would say.

You are being so unreasonable I don’t know where to start. Your mum is sat in dirty underwear following an operation and you don’t see that as an emergency?

@Hope4theBestPlan4theWorst

You're being unreasonable just drop things off at the main entrance

How would you feel if you were in hospital?

For the umpteenth time not allowed, it HAS to be taken up to the ward

Erm yes. Please do drop your mum some bits to hospital.

Provided you are careful, dont hang about too long, wear a mask etc and wash hands throroughly you willl likely be absolutely fine.

Just because you are fat doesn’t exempt you from showing empathy.

Evidently you are a nasty person who cannot show any empathy, disgusting.

@Sheepies

OP I mean it more in relation to his controlling you than what he does for your mum. I do agree that system is really ridiculous, and I would feel more uneasy about that, it also surely makes it a lot more unsafe for patients!

It's not controlling to have a say over household exposure to Covid. Any exposure (and hospital is high risk) should be a joint decision where one is able to say no.

@Hoppinggreen
Are you going to work??

No visitors allowed anywhere near wards here.
For you to go you would have to go to your parents home and then a hospital ward.

How strange for an adult to ask a family member to do something they will not ask of their own husband.

Nothing your mum wants is essential.

Clean knickers aren’t essential? Really?

If I was your mum I wouldn't have asked you to drop anything off as just not worth taking the risk. Might be different if all of you had at least the first dose of vaccine.
Stay strong and don't cave in to the demands.

Just reading this made me burst into tears. My 84 yr old mother lives abroad and I haven’t been able to visit for a year due to Covid. I’d give anything to see her in person. You don’t know how lucky you are to have loved ones near.

i am surprised so many are wanting you to go in to the hospital
most hospitals have no visitors surely?

PurpleDaisies "The clear rules about bring immunised is it should not change your behaviour. The jan is irrelevant."

Going into hospital as a visitor is about exposing yourself to risk of acquiring COVID, hence the nurse comment quoted earlier. The jab is about reducing your susceptibility to serious complications. The don't change your behaviour after immunisation is about the risk of you transmitting COVID. The jab is relevant.

Sorry but I think that’s really quite mean not to help her out. Let’s hope you are never in the position to rely on the kindness of others.

How strange for an adult to ask a family member to do something they will not ask of their own husband.

Perhaps she understands that the sdad is vulnerable better than the op does.

@Sheepies

OP I mean it more in relation to his controlling you than what he does for your mum. I do agree that system is really ridiculous, and I would feel more uneasy about that, it also surely makes it a lot more unsafe for patients!

I know but he’s really not controlling He just said he didn’t think it was a very good idea,especially since the nurse he saw on Thursday told him it wasn’t

I agree that you are not the only possible person.

However, just because someone has been vaccinated does not mean they are immune, it takes 3 weeks to build immunity, plus, if they have been vaccinated, they are higher risk than you.

Being overweight (I am also) does slightly raise your risk. I think you are making a big fuss.

So her husband an son are more than capable of doing this? Are they willing todo it tho? If not then unfortunately looks like its down to you if not else will do it. Its a crap situation but your can't leave mum togo without because the others aren't pulling their weight. Also I would be having a word with them about doing more for mum because you can't do it all. Even if mum asks you( doesn't want to ask others) an you forward message on to brother for it.

@Hoppinggreen

Is everyone missing the bit where I am not the only person able to do this? Of course if it was a case of her going hungry or not having clean undies at all I would be there like a shot. I have done so many times before. The ONLY reason I am unsure about going this time is the Covid risk and even given that if there was no alternative I would go without question

You clearly don't want to go, so don't go and your SDad to do it. Why are you going round in circles?

OP - AIBU
Everyone - Yep
OP - but what about xyz
Everyone - Still yep!

You have just repeated the same things over and over.

You are an adult, you can make this decision for yourself.

I find it strange that your DH dropped a nightie off for her, even though a nurse advised against it. But now he thinks it is "unwise" for you to do the same?!

If it was my DM, I would take her whatever she asked for to keep her going, regardless of who is could also do it.

And yes, she sent a nasty text, maybe she's scared and alone on the ward and hoped you would bring her some items to keep her going. Hardly too much to ask of your own child?
She has asked you, either do it, or don't, but stop going round in circles! It's pointless!

@JoKenda

Just reading this made me burst into tears. My 84 yr old mother lives abroad and I haven’t been able to visit for a year due to Covid. I’d give anything to see her in person. You don’t know how lucky you are to have loved ones near.

if My post did indeed make you burst into tears then I am very sorry for that

@Sweettea1

So her husband an son are more than capable of doing this? Are they willing todo it tho? If not then unfortunately looks like its down to you if not else will do it. Its a crap situation but your can't leave mum togo without because the others aren't pulling their weight. Also I would be having a word with them about doing more for mum because you can't do it all. Even if mum asks you( doesn't want to ask others) an you forward message on to brother for it.

Sdad will do it, he does whatever she asks him to

You are right to be careful about your health and to take precautions. You are being unreasonable to be so afraid that you won’t help your mother out. If you wear your mask and sanitise and wash your hands after your visit you will be fine.

@HighSpecWhistle

And here my friends is one of the reasons Covid is still so prevalent.

Nothing your mum wants is essential. Of course YANBU to not go in.

Ok, you may be ok. But what if you pass it on? You may be symptomless and give it to a whole ward of sick people.

Clearly a lot of posters here have lost perspective on how dangerous this is to vulnerable people and how the best thing to do is stop ALL non-essential trips. Including taking your mum food when she has plenty available to her.

Jeez, please don't let these people change your mind OP. For your sake and those in th the wards, they don't need extra people coming and going unnecessarily.

How is clean underwear/clothing not essential?!

Maybe because of his cognitive difficulties he can’t evaluate his own risk properly.