In not going to drop things off at the hospital

[Hoppinggreen]

My mum fell about 10 days ago and was taken to hospital where she has had an op. The hospital is very close to my house and when she has been there before I have been daily and taken food etc (she hates hospital food). I don’t mind visiting under normal circumstances and it’s nice to see her.
However, we have been pretty careful during Covid and stuck to the rules around seeing her. She and my sdad have health issues so are vulnerable but have been out and about more than they should, plus I know my brother has visited regularly. We are healthy but DD has mild asthma and I am overweight, plus DH is SE so if he was ill and couldn’t work it would cost us ££££££.
I dropped off a book and a couple of things my mum asked for last week but despite wearing a mask, using have gel etc I was pretty uneasy about being at the hospital and when DH had a blood test he also dropped off some clean nighties for her, the nurse taking his blood actually advised against it as he said Covid was rife in the hospital and my mums ward was opposite the Covid ward. DH did it anyway
This morning I had a text asking me to take her some more things and some food as the food there was awful, last time she was in hospital I cooked extra and took it in a cool bag to keep warm. I have replied saying I am not going to shops at the moment (thank you Ocado) and in any case I am not comfortable with coming to the hospital. I have suggested sdad do it as he has had both jabs so it’s safer to him. He does have some cognitive issues but can drive, go to shops etc.
I have had quite a nasty text back and now feel guilty - not guilty enough to do it but even so. DH is quite cross my mum would even ask
I am right not to go aren’t I? In an emergency I would go obviously but wanting a sandwich and clean undies isn’t an emergency

So I am not the only option here

Gosh no you're no right in my opinion. I'm in the same position as you health wise, overweight with mild asthma. I'd be there like a shot if any of my friends or family needed me. Maybe there's going to be a big backstory here that will change things but as it stands YABU and I feel a bit sorry for your mum.

Please do it. My FIL was in hospital for several weeks with no possessions of his own and no one wanted to take him his stuff to leave with security (don't even go in). We had a long stint of self isolating so couldn't go. I knew it was up to those who didn't want to do it but I felt upset he had nothing (even had paper pants on )

@Hoppinggreen

Just a bit heartless then

Out of interest - do you think your DH would leave you to lie there in dirty clothes if you were admitted?

Yep, YABU.

I would be really surprised if the hospital didn’t have a system in place, both those local to me do.

But given you’d walk in, wearing a mask, SD from everyone, drop the bag and go the risk it surely very low.

Perhaps the truth is you don’t want to go.

YABVU.

Do you hate her or something?! I’m disgusted tbh.

OP has said that there are other people who can deliver stuff, so I don't think it's clear that she should go in.

To be clear, my very elderly and unwell aunt has been in hospital for a month -- developed Covid there, and fortunately seems to have survived it. Both my sister and I have been in to visit, despite the risks. But if either one of us had been at risk of passing Covid on to others at home then we'd have reached an arrangement that made it unnecessary for them to visit.

OP, I think it's possible that some people are just seeing what you've said about you not delivering things your mum understandably wants, and have not seen the other part of what you said i.e. there are other family members who can deliver them.

For some of us who have been just going to work and getting on with life, it might not feel as big a deal to someone who has been very much locked up. You develop an unhealthy (in my opinion) fear.

But, still: this is your mum. One person in the world who did everything for you and now wants a little support herself.

Yes you are BU

Of course you are being unreasonable shes your mum. Unless theres some kind of back story to this I think you're being pretty heartless to be honest. I have three daughters and if any of them behaved like you I'd be heartbroken.

Have some compassion

So to clarify
The nurse warned my DH it wasn’t safe to go to the ward and drop off.
We can’t leave things at the main Reception
Someone else can take her what she wants (who has been immunised)
And I am still awful for not doing it?

I probably would be doing it if it was me- you've said the SD isn't cognitive,y intact, and the weather is really bad at the moment, I can't imagine he's that safe on the roads, and you live the closest distance to your mum. Fair enough not wanting to visit- if you're even allowed to, but not dropping things off, I would have said yes. However she shouldn't have been rude in her message when you said no. Just because I would, and most of the people answering so far would, doesn't mean she should give you grief if you choose not to

I did it for my Dad but I wouldn't have risked daily visits. We shared it out so each of us went a couple of times.

Of course I'd take stuff in. What's changed since last week?

@Hoppinggreen

So I am not the only option here

Right, you've made it clear you don't want to go - what more are you looking for from the thread? You've said SD has cognitive issues and you live next to the hospital. I don't understand why you're continuing to back your corner when you're unanimously BU. A vulnerable older man with cognitive issues shouldn't be going over you, a younger healthy person who lives next door. It's selfish. There's no other way of putting it. You don't even need to go to the ward, just drop it off and wear a mask!

He won’t stop you?! Well, good.

I’d want to make sure my mum had everything she needed or wanted to make her as comfortable as possible. What did her text say? She’s probably in pain, lonely, scared, bored and miserable. She shouldn’t have been horrible but your reaction to the request is bizarre so maybe you’ve taken it differently to how someone else would.

Being in hospital sucks. Doing it with no visitors is bloody awful. All she’s asking for is clean underwear and some decent snacks. Neither remotely unreasonable. Have a bloody heart.

@Hoppinggreen

But your stepdad has cognitive issues? Maybe he can’t be trusted to take the right things? Maybe your mum doesn’t want to upset him? Maybe she thought that her daughter would better understand what she needs?

Maybe you just bloody do it because it’s your mum.

If your daughter had wildly uncontrolled asthma and you were morbidly obese i might understand, but “Mild asthma” and being a bit podgy are both nothing like serious risk factors.

You’ve made me v cross actually. I’m going to have to step away.

I work in a hospital and walk into the building every day since March. They are so clean and well organised it’s safer than being in a shop! I’d bend over backwards to ensure my dm felt loved.

[quote AnaisNun]@Hoppinggreen

Just a bit heartless then

Out of interest - do you think your DH would leave you to lie there in dirty clothes if you were admitted?[/quote]
No, he would come if there was No other option but I have a brother who feels he is immune to Covid and a sdad who actually is so other people could do this for her

I’ve worked in a hospital and on a ward throughout and haven’t caught it. Yes there’s a risk course there is and people are catching it in hospital I’ve even eaten food from the hospital restaurant. But I’m careful as I can be.

The risk of dropping things for a few moments off is minimal. Mask and sanitiser. Although at my hospital you leave items at a drop off point. No visitors to any wards even for drop offs. I would do this for any of my friends and family in a heartbeat. It’s so hard for those in hospital with no visitors right now.

@Hoppinggreen

So to clarify The nurse warned my DH it wasn’t safe to go to the ward and drop off. We can’t leave things at the main Reception Someone else can take her what she wants (who has been immunised) And I am still awful for not doing it?

Again - none of this is new info. You're re posting things you've already said, and yes - you're still unreasonable.

Just drop it at reception. A nurse from the ward is called and they collect. Why is this even a debate?

Your stepdad isn't immune 😂 the jab doesn't make you immune at all - it makes the effects of Covid less severe. He still has cognitive issues.

And sdads cognitive issues are just that he’s a bit forgetful. If asked to do something he can and will. No weather issues here

@m0therofdragons

Just drop it at reception. A nurse from the ward is called and they collect. Why is this even a debate?

We have to take it up to the ward on the 3rd floor