To really wish I hadn’t had a baby during lockdown?

[luckyinblue]

Of course I couldn’t have foreseen it and at any rate at my age couldn’t really wait to TTC but it is rubbish.

I am on my own with baby from waking (about 7am) to DH finishing work (6ish) and then maybe an hour before have to get the baby into bed and stay with him. So about an hour of adult interaction every day.

I am finding myself dreading the days because I just don’t know what to do with them and I really didn’t ever think maternity leave would be this lonely or miserable.

Not a competition! Not about you! Not helpful!!!!

my dsughter has come to me throught the pandemic she had her baby in feb last year , her hubby works 12 hoyr shifts , not a chance was i letting her stay alone everyday, she was stressing just thinking about it, do you have parents near, my dd is back at work too now and im child minding so thankfully have a good bond now with dgs

mobile have you considered that perhaps there isn’t really a solution to a global pandemic?

I didn’t post expecting anyone to solve my problems and I certainly think regardless of the incredulous responses on here it is sensible and safe to sleep when baby does and where baby does.

For context my Fitbit tells me I slept 5 hours Thursday night. Three of those will have been 9-midnight. Now if I’d stayed up with DH until 11 say I’d have got 3 hours sleep. Do you think I’d be feeling better on that?

I've already apologised as you hadn't said what age your baby was originally and in my last post agreed that going to bed at that time is sensible at 8weeks pp.

Of course there is no solution to the pandemic until the vaccinations are done etc but there are ways to get through the day which is what people are suggesting.

Most of the suggestions on this thread were made before people found out the baby was only 8 weeks!

OP you’re in a much better position than people who had babies a year before you. Baby groups tend to be for babies 3-4 months old plus, so it’s possible that you/your baby will get some socialisation in a few weeks/months as lockdown eases. What you’re missing out on is meeting friends and family, not baby groups, they aren’t for newborns.

It doesn’t really matter how old he is. I do think when someone has repeatedly said that they don’t wish to change a bedtime routine that this should be respected. It actually gets quite upsetting and stressful having to repeat yourself to this extent.

Op people saying bring the baby downstairs mean "have it downstairs asleep.

An 8 week old baby should sleep through background noise and conversation, I found it help to put the hood up on the pram carry cot and face it away from us so baby isnt watching you, and we just used to keep a bit quieter while baby nodded off.

Luckyinblue ok but cant your partner come upstairs with you? You can watch a bit of tv on a tablet with headphones if you are bothered about noise.

Most parents do not put an 8 week old baby upstairs to sleep alone, even with a monitor on and doors open!

Which is why I also suggested, but you ignored, letting the baby sleep downstairs.

Yes they should, and your morning sickness should disappear after 12 weeks, an uncomplicated pregnancy should mean you’re able to give birth with minimal intervention and breastfeeding should be instinctive for babies. Just because something should happen doesn’t mean it will. And for at least the seventeenth time, I’m happy with the bedtime routine.

@luckyinblue

Yes they should, and your morning sickness should disappear after 12 weeks, an uncomplicated pregnancy should mean you’re able to give birth with minimal intervention and breastfeeding should be instinctive for babies. Just because something should happen doesn’t mean it will. And for at least the seventeenth time, I’m happy with the bedtime routine.

Then there's no problem is there ?

Oh ffs cherry. OP’s DAYS with her baby are not what she would like from mat leave. She’s knackered, he’s 8 weeks old, if she stayed up any later to chat to her husband she’d lose a lot of what little sleep she’s getting and likely cope less well. Which bit is difficult to understand?

I can’t understand why everyone on this thread is getting angry at the OP for not being thrilled at the suggestions given. The suggestions given are shit! I’ve done them all for a year and I can tell you they are useless. No point parroting that the OP can have a bubble if her family live far away and her friends are all bubbled up with theirs. I’d rather jump off a bridge than go to another zoom baby class or freezing walk. I expect what OP wants is a normal life, but she can’t have it. Huge hugs and solidarity to you, OP. I hope you get some semblance of normality on your maternity leave and aren’t still in this by baby’s first birthday.

It's all a bit crap isn't it!

I still breastfeed my DD (just turned 3) to sleep, so you have me on side over the bedtime issues. If you are cuddling to sleep, just gradually move away further (but still in the bed) and earlier, and you will escape eventually!! And remember you won't look back when you are 80 and wish you'd cuddled your baby less, do what is right for you.

If you're little one will only sleep on walks, my advice (assuming you have a safe garden) would be to wrap baby up nice and warm, stick a snooze shade and an old fashioned battery baby monitor on the pushchair, rock baby to sleep and head inside. It worked a dream for my DD, she used to regularly nap for 4 hours!!

When you are out walking do you listen to audiobooks or podcasts? I would also suggest the radio, but at they moment anything that mentions covid or lockdown is best avoided.

Could your DH do a split shift and spend some time with you in the middle off the day, then work again when your baby and you are in bed?

OP I dont really know what you want here. People are trying really hard to help you feel better.

Knowing it's really shit but just trying to help you find ways to make any tiny bits of it just a little bit better. Loads of people saying "oh god OP poor you, yes it's just terrible", it's not going to help make it any better for you.

Bend the rules a bit. I know it's cold outside so not ideal but wrap up warm, get a thermos and a pack of biscuits and meet a friend at a park and just have a coffee and a chat. If your existing friends won't do that to help you get through this time, see if there's a local NCT whatsApp and see if anyone else will. There will be others in your shoes.

Hi @luckyinblue I totally understand where you’re coming from. I have a 4 month old and a nearly 2 year old. I am lucky that I have a support bubble and I’m still finding it incredibly lonely and frustrating. There’s only so many walks you can go on and so much time you can spend within the same 4 walls. The weather doesn’t help at the moment either. I’m dreaming of the days I can go out somewhere and be inside somewhere that isn’t my own house!

My suggestions for ways to spend the day with an 8 week old are to check out your local NCT region. There’s one near me that does ‘walk and talks’ outdoors which they’re allowed to do as a support group. They also do virtual meet ups so you can catch up with other mums going through similar things. Other suggestions I’ve been given are listen to podcasts (fat chance with a toddler for me!) and looking up virtual baby classes. I personally loved face to face baby massage with my first and it’s something you could do via a virtual class for bonding and just something to do. Great for small babies too.

Sorry if I’m just repeating what others have said, but there’s so many pages of advice now, I skipped through a lot and just read your posts.

Sounds like you’ve found your way of doing things which is all you can do ❤️❤️ It changes so much as they grow and fingers crossed we’ll be out of this situation and the individual challenges we’re all facing sooner rather than later. Hope a bit of solidarity and some ways to get through the days is helpful xx

He’s still working normal hours cyw, but thank you. Wfh has its advantages as no commute but it does sometimes feel as if works never done. Worse for him though, I suppose.

Probably best to ignore the people deliberately goading, it’s a helpful thread apart from the endless faux incredulousness that im following sleep guidelines and actually getting some sleep myself!

@EssentialHummus

Oh ffs cherry. OP’s DAYS with her baby are not what she would like from mat leave. She’s knackered, he’s 8 weeks old, if she stayed up any later to chat to her husband she’d lose a lot of what little sleep she’s getting and likely cope less well. Which bit is difficult to understand?

Her dp is home during the day, obviously he's working but he can take a lunch break and she's got more time with some support then most new mothers have at eight weeks and is ignoring any suggestions they may help.

In the op she said she only gets an hour of adult company a day, of course she does if she goes to bed at 7pm. How does she think people manage who have more than one child or who can't go to bed they earlier for whatever reason ?

My baby is 9 months and I have STRUGGLED. I love the PPs who seem to have all the damn answers when they don't have to give birth and parent babies during this.
Most days it's me, DD, and a hell of a lot of cbeebies.
Don't judge us for finding this fucking hard.

Sleep when baby sleeps in the day, stay up later with your husband. And Join some online activities. What did you like doing before you had a baby?

Why don’t people read the op’s comments properly? She’s said multiple times that she’s happy with her evening routine!!

Op, I hear you. My babies are now grown, but I can imagine how hard this past year has been for new Mums. It’s a time where you want to go out and meet other Mums, go to groups and see friends. I used to run a baby and toddler group, and saw what a lifeline it was for many parents.

I haven’t really got any advice, but I hope that very soon we will be back to some sort of normality. Spring is just around the corner, and sunnier days will mean you can get out and about more often. Hang in there, you are doing an amazing job under very difficult circumstances and I wish you all the best.

Honestly OP it will get better. You will look back at these few weeks in the summer and it feel like a distant memory.

I do sympathise. My DD was 6 weeks prem & IUGR, so her first two weeks were spent in NICU, and she came home weighing only 3lb 12. She was very vulnerable due to her size & prematurity, so I didnt go anywhere for weeks, and just as she was getting to "real" newborn size and I feel more comfortably exposing her to other people, she got critically ill and spent 3 of the next 6 weeks in intensive care.

Not seeing people and not going indoors is brutal at a time when you need support the most. It is, and its shit luck that you have hit this particular timing but really, time flies, better times are just around the corner and your best bet is to find any tiny things that cheer you up without interfering with your routine & use them to just get through these next few weeks.

You know what he does and what breaks he can take do you cherry? Right.

Bloody hell OP cherry is being really supportive and you are just being kind of unpleasant now.

Solidarity, @luckyinblue
We can do this. One day at a time. I'm currently filling up DDs old baby bath with jelly for a jelly bath tomorrow... at least our adaption skills are being stretched!