To really wish I hadn’t had a baby during lockdown?

[luckyinblue]

Of course I couldn’t have foreseen it and at any rate at my age couldn’t really wait to TTC but it is rubbish.

I am on my own with baby from waking (about 7am) to DH finishing work (6ish) and then maybe an hour before have to get the baby into bed and stay with him. So about an hour of adult interaction every day.

I am finding myself dreading the days because I just don’t know what to do with them and I really didn’t ever think maternity leave would be this lonely or miserable.

Try to do some more walks. Yes it is cold and a bit miserable, but it should start to make you feel so much better getting some fresh air. Maybe drive somewhere to walk (I know they say “local” but if you’re walking solo anyway it’s good for your mental health).
I second joining a baby group online. Less for the classes and more for the WhatsApp group they tend to set up where you can share how you’re feeling (you are NOT alone in feeling how hard it is) and chat about naps/poop/feeding etc The zoom classes are a bonus - the group is the key from these

You are lucky to even have a baby. I so wish I had one after over a year of ttc and a miscarriage and two chemicals, and aged almost 39 I would give anything to have had a baby even under these difficult circumstances. I am sorry you aren’t having the best time but you are still really lucky. Sorry, that’s just how I feel.

I feel your pain OP. I had my baby in the first lockdown in April and maternity leave has been quite a lonely slog, particularly over winter. I went back to work two weeks ago and it sounds awful but it's been such a nice change. I've got a toddler as well which helps the time go quicker so can't imagine what it's been like with just a young baby. It's really tough at the moment with all the restrictions and lack of places to go, and 8 weeks is a challenging stage as they're still anewborn. It will eventually get easier to look after the baby . All I have been doing is going out to the park with them every day unless the weather is really awful and sometimes meeting a friend with their toddler as this is allowed with children less than pre school age. If baby will sleep in the pram you could try and take them out at nap time, getting outside does help your mood and breaks the day up a bit. Don't have any other suggestions, just keep doing what you're doing.
I've also formed a support bubble with a friend is that a possibility for you? It has really helped us to have someone to socialise normally with.

purple we walk loads,’it really doesn’t make me feel better 😂

I’m not seeing the support loveisland

It is lonely op, I hear you. I have a one year old. There are some really nice support groups running virtually. I was in something called mumatribe - see Facebook- it was so helpful. A chance for women with little ones to come together and talk about all the challenges and get some support. The woman who runs it, Hannah mae, is amazing and it isn’t expensive.

Maybe you might try that or something like it for some good company?

Is your DH employer happy for him to take individual days annual leave. Get him to book a day a week (Wednesday) of leave or just half a day. This will break the week up into more manageable chunks. He only needs to do this until lockdown starts to lift and cafes and swimming pools etc open, and it's not like he'll need to save the annual leave for going on an actual holiday this year

It’s not quite as straightforward as that but we will get there I am sure

Hi Op,
I think a lot of people have missed the point of your thread.
I haven’t had a baby in lockdown but I do remember how bloody long and lonely the days were. How exhausted you feel by the time the baby is asleep and how you crave a bit of adult company.

But it does get better, the days are going to get lighter and warmer, hopefully life will start to feel a bit more normal soon.

Hope you are having a better weekend x

Absolutely understand how you feel OP. My baby is 15 weeks now and my husband works 60 hours a week across 12 hour night shifts so is gone from 7pm to 7am 5 nights a week. He then needs to sleep most of the day. I also have a 5 year old meaning I’m technically not allowed to meet anyone for a walk as the 5 year old counts as a person. I have no real advice as I too am finding it lonely and miserable. I’ve been too worried to use my support bubble recently whilst the infection rates are so high as my husband works out of the house and travels to higher risk areas than where we are based. Definitely no need to change your evening routine, my baby won’t sleep downstairs either and you absolutely need to maximise the sleep you can get at this stage. I think we just have to cling to the hope that things will improve as Spring arrives with better weather and more vaccinated. There is still a chance we can have something resembling a normal maternity leave, or at least one that is better than what we have now.

@Sparrowfeeder

You are lucky to even have a baby. I so wish I had one after over a year of ttc and a miscarriage and two chemicals, and aged almost 39 I would give anything to have had a baby even under these difficult circumstances. I am sorry you aren’t having the best time but you are still really lucky. Sorry, that’s just how I feel.

Sorry for your losses, but you are on the wrong thread. OP is struggling and it is okay for her to say that she is struggling.

@cherryolives

Most parents do not put an 8 week old baby upstairs to sleep alone, even with a monitor on and doors open!

Which is why I also suggested, but you ignored, letting the baby sleep downstairs.

@cherryolives I find it laughable that you pointed out the part of your post that I "ignored" even though you have clearly ignored the OP repeating herself that she doesn't want to change her evening/bedtime routine and it is the days she is struggling with!

I’ve said a few times now he won’t sleep in the lounge I think.

sparrow my heart goes out to you, I was 39 when baby was conceived and 40 when born. Much wanted and longed for baby and I do understand. But. That makes it worse, not better.

My parents are both dead. I don’t pop up on threads where OPs are struggling with their own parents to say this, it isn’t fair. On anybody.

My heart goes out to you. I didn't find my first easy and I didn't find myself filled with the great joy and wonder of motherhood. I don't think I was classically depressed just not filled with great joy - tired and a bit flat. I wasn't close to family but I didn't have lockdown to contend with and that must be a whole extra added layer of emotional weight.

I'm mum of three now. All very different and each birth/ early parenthood experience was very different.

Do what is right for you and be happy that you know whats right for you. Advice is great to listen to but its upto you which bits you pick and choose to try. I've found snipits on here so valuable over the years.

I think I understand what you're saying about not being depressed enough to discuss this with HV/ midwife but having a good moan to one of the very few people you can have actual contact with (other than your DH) may actually be really cathartic. Just saying things outload to another person, I find, lets it out. Its not that they can do anything right now - other than listen. But sometimes being listened to helps you feel validated and reassured.

When you're lost in the thick of things it feels well like you're lost. The weather will warm next week in most parts of the UK, only a week until we here about the roadmap to moving life forwards.

On another note, I found listening to audio books on headphones an activity I could do with napping child. My eldest is now 17 and the world has moved on since his was a tiny. I could imagine podcasts would be an option to listen to to cut the mundaneness of going for a walk. Years on, I now listen via one wireless earbud when one of the DC is doing something like watching a disney film that they want me to sit through, or doing some sort of online school activity I'm semi supervising.

Hi OP

I commented earlier on in this thread and I'm saddened posters responses are still unnecessarily harsh and picking holes in anything you're saying.

I'll repeat what I said earlier - I had my third baby in lockdown (June) and it has been massively more difficult this time round.

It is shit. And you're allowed to feel shit about it. Are others struggling in lockdown? Yes, obviously. But just because you have 2 broken legs doesn't mean my 1 broken leg doesn't hurt. You don't have to feel "lucky" because someone perceives you to be better off or have it easier than them.

You're allowed to feel how you feel. And this is definitely worth feeling disappointed and short changed about. Its shit.

And to pps complaining that op isn't taking your advice - advice given is not obligated to be taken, and I'm sure OP is far more capable of knowing what works for her, even if you think you know the ins and outs of her routine and home life better than she does. Just because a thread is started doesn't mean a solution is being sought necessarily, often its just a sounding board to get things off our chest and have a good moan - and having an 8 week old newborn in lockdown is definitely moan-worthy!

The thing is OP I dont really understand what you wanted from this thread?

Did you literally just want everyone to say "oh poor you you have it so bad" and offer no suggestions to try and help?

The reasons people are getting grumpy is you dont have to agree with or even plan to try peoples suggestions to appreciate that people are trying to be helpful in offering them.

It's just.... grace.

@NoIDontWatchLoveIsland

The reasons people are getting grumpy is you dont have to agree with or even plan to try peoples suggestions to appreciate that people are trying to be helpful in offering them.

It's just.... grace.

If you're getting grumpy at a stranger on the Internet not taking your advice (particularly one struggling in lockdown with a newborn), you're not really in the position of lecturing anyone of grace.

Op I would've hated having my dc in lockdown so you have my sympathy. When dc was born I lived in another country to my family so didn't have family support. I thankfully made Nct friends and we saw each other about 3-4 times a week, met in each other's houses, did singing and swimming classes. It saved my sanity!

I now live near family but my dc is older. My friend had a baby in October so we've bubbled up with them. I meet her twice a week for a walk and stop for a coffee and sit in a park. I know she really appreciates it as the mundaneness is a killer. Reach out to friends, even ones that are working and arrange to go for a walk on their lunchtime. Hopefully things will start returning to some semblance of normality soon.

Thank you to padh and ripple

Thanks alien

loveisland let’s say you are in a shop and someone asks you twenty three times if you want to buy something, would you be grateful and gracious the seventeenth time or starting to get a bit fed up?

@NoIDontWatchLoveIsland

The thing is OP I dont really understand what you wanted from this thread?

Did you literally just want everyone to say "oh poor you you have it so bad" and offer no suggestions to try and help?

I was kind of wondering that too.

Having said that I do hope it gets better OP.

Going to be honest OP, I had a similar experience but I gave birth in 2018.

PND meant for a very lonely mat leave (and untreated due to GPs dismissiveness has meant lockdown has been an absolute devastation).
Emergency C Section meant a nice long hospital stay where, due to the hospital I was in, my husband was only allowed to be with me and DS for a short period of time during the day.

What I'm trying to say is, don't assume it would have been better out of lockdown.

There aren’t many suggestions or solutions to a global pandemic, are there?

hopeless I won’t even go into the horrors of a covid birth and emergency section. Like I said early in the thread it shouldn’t be a competition. Your experience is yours and mine is mine. It could well be that yours was infinitely worse than mine but that doesn’t invalidate mine either.

@luckyinblue I understand the lack of adult company. Had dd3 few days before first lockdown. Like you I generally have to stay with baby upstairs at bedtime.
Only read a few comments lots seemed to focus on why you needed to do this 🙄 it will get better x

Sometimes I remember my lockdown birth. I remember being so sore from a 3rd degree tear and alone, but we were getting on in the mat wing afterwards. But because all the birth centres had been closed, it was so busy, all the delivery rooms were in use and a woman in labour was moved up into the wing to give birth. No partners were allowed, so this caused an altercation between the midwives, security and a very angry man throwing his weight about outside. All the while, the poor woman in question was clearly in established labour and screaming in a side room. It was bloody scary.