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Original poster

Can men do the washing?

179 replies

GrannyBags · 12/02/2021 12:45

This may seem like a small thing as DH is generally not too bad with household things but he will not load the washing machine. This morning he pointed out that the pile has built up a bit. We are all getting over Covid - he was in hospital to be fair, but he has never done the washing since we have been together. I’ve been washing all day and am feeling resentful. I asked our 12 year old DS to put his washing in with me and he questioned why he had to if DH didn’t. I said that’s because I was raising him not Nanny and he was fine with that! My MIL did all the ‘woman’s work’ and is very po faced if I suggest DH should do any chores. Is there any hope for him? Am I right to be fed up with this?

OP posts:
Arghmetoes · 12/02/2021 12:48

Your DH should be ashamed of himself, not least for setting such a bad example to his son.

Aprilx · 12/02/2021 12:48

Don’t do his washing. If my DH didn’t do his washing he would never have anything clean. We have separate laundry baskets and each do our own.

ChaosTrulyReigns · 12/02/2021 12:48

You need a VagineOwner Certificate to operate most.

In normal times yiu can get them at the Help Desk at Curry's. Not sure how covid times are allowing you present your floof. Sad

growinggreyer · 12/02/2021 12:48

My brother has lived alone for the past 20 years. Do you think he now resembles a tramp, wearing only filthy clothes and sleeping in bedsheets that are thick with sweat and grease? Or do you think he uses his washing machine and tumble drier like an educated human being in the 21st century?

DemolitionBarbie · 12/02/2021 12:49

I think it depends within the overall balance of the household. But yes, it's pathetic he doesn't do any and you should be raising your son to do his own.

I'm sure your DH has learned to do way more complicated tasks.

ItsIgginningtolooklikelockdown · 12/02/2021 12:50

You presumably watched him never doing washing before you had the child, that was the time to sort it! Did he move straight in from mum to you? I do most of the laundry so I'm not saying I've got it sorted, but dh absolutely can and will stick a load on (usually after I've told him too though Hmm)

PickAChew · 12/02/2021 12:50

Poor bloke. Have you any idea how hard it is to sort out clothes and put them into a washing machine with a penis that gets in the way? And so many cycle options. How can he possibly worry his pretty little head with such technical stuff as a 40C cottons wash or 30C delicates?

MagnoliaBeige · 12/02/2021 12:51

I’d point out that he’s allowed to use the washing machine too if the pile of dirty washing is bothering him. Not sure why it matters what your MIL thinks though? By doing the washing when you feel resentful, you’re enabling his lazy behaviour.

TwoBlueFish · 12/02/2021 12:51

My DH does nearly all the washing, so of course men can do washing.

firesidetartan · 12/02/2021 12:51

This morning he pointed out that the pile has built up a bit.

I would have pointed out that he can 'unbuild' said pile.

MissBaskinIfYoureNasty · 12/02/2021 12:51

Thats just embarrassing, for the both of you. Him for being a useless man child and you for indulging it for so long that your child has picked up on it!

Bornslippery · 12/02/2021 12:52

Half half in our house. If he notices it needs doing he will do it and vice verca. Who ever is near the machine when it finishes generally takes it out. I suggest you have a conversation about it (or just do yours)

VeganVeal · 12/02/2021 12:53

He's just come out of hospital, I'd cut him some slack, but thats just me.

Me and DH split jobs, washing machine is me, bins him, for example, it works well

MojoJojo71 · 12/02/2021 12:54

Why is it his mother’s fault that he’s a lazy sod who is setting a terrible example for his son? He’s a grown man not a child! When your DS asked you should have told him to ask his father and see how he justified himself. He should be ashamed of himself

DelurkingAJ · 12/02/2021 12:55

Good grief! I remember having to show other students how to use a washing machine but I don’t know anyone, male or female, who can’t manage! Yes, you may choose to split chores so only one person does the laundry but that’s not because either party can’t.

crispychicken12 · 12/02/2021 12:55

My DH does the washing, admittedly he will put it all on a 40 degree and forget to use fabric softener but he will do a wash. I don't ask him or remind him, he generally keeps ontop of it just as much as me.

He has turned a few of my knickers and bras grey and a very good pair of white jeans pink before now though lol

Shadysback · 12/02/2021 12:55

It depends, if that is the only thing he doesn't do, and he otherwise pulls his weight, I'd let that one thing slide. If he does not pull his weight in general then you are right to be fed up, and he needs to step up and share the load.

JackieWeaverIsTheAuthority · 12/02/2021 12:56

Can’t believe you have accepted this all these years!!

trilbydoll · 12/02/2021 12:56

I usually do it but if DH has a week off he will blitz and proudly present the bottom of the washing basket for his prize Hmm I wouldn't have a problem if he pointed it out while he was busy tidying/hoovering/gardening but not if he is just sitting about!

Sweetmotherofallthatisholyabov · 12/02/2021 12:57

I know a man who once tried and his penis fell off.....

RonObvious · 12/02/2021 12:57

I think we all have our chores that we either don't "see", or get used to someone else doing. My husband does most of the washing, but never cleans the bathroom. However, I can walk past a mountain of recycling, without taking the time to take it out to the bin, so I guess we balance out.

ScrapThatThen · 12/02/2021 12:58

Did he live alone before living with you? There is a tendency for wife work to creep in when you get married and have kids. I remember me and dh used to have resentful arguments about ironing for some reason. I hated ironing, didn't bother ironing my own things and didn't think the uniforms needed ironing if folded correctly from the wash. However he prioritises ironing (Pre pandemic) and enjoys it. We have settled into a happy split where he now does all the washing ironing and sorting. I do more other stuff.

SatsumasOrClementines · 12/02/2021 12:58

Why is it his mother’s fault
Did he have a father growing up? Because if you’re working on that logic then it’s also his fathers fault for not setting a good example. Just like he’s doing now to his son.

EachBleachBlairTrump · 12/02/2021 12:59

I married a man who recognises his penis isn't a disability or a cognitive impairment, so yes he does the washing, he also operates a hoover, dishwasher, knows how to work a sponge and a duster and shock horror even consisted his hours at work so we do an equal share of childcare. Why marry and have children with a man who thinks you are essentially his servant?

Knotmyname · 12/02/2021 12:59

I think it depends on your general set up. My partner never does the washing because he prefers to do the washing up (dishes) and hoovering. I prefer the washing because I know where everything goes so prefer to put it away myself. The rest is split between us.

However I wouldn't expect him to be doing much/anything if he was just out of hospital.