Can men do the washing?

[GrannyBags]

This may seem like a small thing as DH is generally not too bad with household things but he will not load the washing machine. This morning he pointed out that the pile has built up a bit. We are all getting over Covid - he was in hospital to be fair, but he has never done the washing since we have been together. I’ve been washing all day and am feeling resentful. I asked our 12 year old DS to put his washing in with me and he questioned why he had to if DH didn’t. I said that’s because I was raising him not Nanny and he was fine with that! My MIL did all the ‘woman’s work’ and is very po faced if I suggest DH should do any chores. Is there any hope for him? Am I right to be fed up with this?

@ThelmaNotLouise
Are you my OH?! He does all our laundry every week. Not because I can't be arsed though, but because I don't like handling wet clothes, it sets my teeth on edge!

I don't think so but I do need someone to do the oilchecking thing to my car because I haven't a clue. Someone upthread said it needs checking once a month?! I'm not sure how to open the bonnet of my car - mind you, I've only had it a year.

Did your DH always live at his mothers before you moved in together? Or was there ever a time that he must have done his own washing?

My MIL also did all the womens work but DH lived alone when we met and he is quite capable. Although now MIL thinks that I'm a lazy lady of leisure since she saw him load the dishwasher once.

My Dad and Uncle are like this, my Uncle once told me he doesn’t even know how to switch the machine on. They have both taken their dirty laundry to my Gran since they left home and she’s happy to oblige. I’d be embarrassed to be them really.

[quote TheSandman]@ThelmaNotLouise
Are you my OH?! He does all our laundry every week. Not because I can't be arsed though, but because I don't like handling wet clothes, it sets my teeth on edge!

I don't think so but I do need someone to do the oilchecking thing to my car because I haven't a clue. Someone upthread said it needs checking once a month?! I'm not sure how to open the bonnet of my car - mind you, I've only had it a year.[/quote]
Check the manual first. We have a car that tells us when the oil is low. Or the tires not hard enough. Some modern cars have that feature, it's brilliant.

My DH does all his own washing AND our toddler's washing. It's his thing. I clean the bathroom.

OP, YANBU to raise your son to do his own and stop doing your husband's washing!

I don't understand threads like this. A man and woman decide to marry/live together and then countless years later, usually after having child/ren, the woman suddenly decides to create a thread moaning about her OH's inability/unwillingness/professional incompetence to do what adults of both sexes are fully capable of doing, ie housework, washing++.

She has been his enabler through all the years, obviously having never discussed how they would share the workload from the beginning.

Is the expectation that the man will immediately morph into a fully fledged adult because the woman has got bored after years of doing it all? What are the odds?

My wife genuinely cannot operate the washing machine in our house, and I do all of the washing.

Or perhaps she's just pretending, who knows!!

They certainly can do the washing and hoovering, dusting and dishes too.

Any who don't are just lazy bastards, who need a good kick.

His he scared his cock will get stuck in the door/drawer?

Why do people let their partners get away with not doing things for decades?

When sexist crap like things comes up, I ask them why they think it’s fine? What part of them makes them incapable of doing things?

Check the manual first. We have a car that tells us when the oil is low. Or the tires not hard enough. Some modern cars have that feature, it's brilliant

It was me who said the oil needed checking once a month at most.
That is for my car, which is known to use lots of oil.

Most of my previous cars never seemed to use any oil at all between services, but I still checked every so often and it used to be that lots of older cars, or anything specialist/sporty needed loads of oil and needed checking quite often.

On the matter of sensors that tell you when the oil or tyres are low, you do know that the oil light doesn't actually come on until you are critically low on oil and the tyre sensor only tells you that they're under inflated not that the tread has worn down to illegal and dangerous levels, don't you?

@Norwayreally

My Dad and Uncle are like this, my Uncle once told me he doesn’t even know how to switch the machine on. They have both taken their dirty laundry to my Gran since they left home and she’s happy to oblige. I’d be embarrassed to be them really.

What is their plan once she dies? Other family members? I’d do it, £100 a load 😂

DH washes his own clothing.

His brother on the other hand found one of those women who pretends it’s 1950, except that she also has to hold down a full-time job on top of doing laundry and laying out his clothes for the day.

My husband does the washing in this house.

DP does more washing and more housework in general than me, strangely he has found that not having a vagina is not a barrier in this area.

I wouldn't be to quick to slag MIL off my parents are like that because my mum NEVER worked full-time and my dad had 2 jobs so she did all the house jobs.
Is there any jobs he does that you never do.
Is it really appropriate to be having a pop at MIL when speaking to DS.

Just tell him to do it but don't be pissed off when he asks u how if he's never done it.
TBH it's easier to do it yourself DS(19) will sort of do his own but by the time you have answered loads of question why goes in with what. Different temp and straightening everything out properly and he's not being awkward it's less stressful to do it yourself.

We had something similar about changing all the beds on sunday in our house offered to swap bed changes with gardening but DW decided to stick with beds

Not sure why doing laundry takes all day? I'm with you - I don't think you're being unreasonable if it's truly that much work - but there are 200 pound tumble driers, and when you have one, laundry is nothing but an afterthought.
Hopefully he has his own chores, even if he doesn't participate in this one. If not, he's completely useless.

We simply can’t do it, it just isn’t possible.

The only female in our home is the cat, thankfully her having a vagina means she can do all the laundry.

I never understand these threads. You've been doing it for at least 12 years. You're fed up with it. Yet you continue to do it. Why? He's not stupid. He's not disabled. The only reason he doesn't do it is because you do it. So...

My OH has never done a load of washing.
We have been together 25 years.

I prefer to do it myself, all of it together, I think it's better to have the washing sorted into various types/colours and that is more practical with more laundry.

They're all able to do it (penis owners or not) but wouldn't be as 'fussy'

I'm happy to do it & I'm more than happy to delegate the jobs I don't like doing
🤷🏻‍♀️

If DH remarked on the pile of washing, like that though, he'd soon get told.

Check the manual first. We have a car that tells us when the oil is low. Or the tires not hard enough. Some modern cars have that feature, it's brilliant.

...manual...?

The thing cost me £350. It has windows you wind up by hand and absolutely bugger all in the way of modern doodahs. I'm just glad it's got tires. (And I only know what pressure they're supposed to be because a previous owner wrote it in Sharpie on the inside of the door frame.)

My husband has always done washing, he strips the beds and remakes them (I struggle now because of back problems and osteoarthritis).
He also does almost all of the ironing.

I do the cooking and meal planning, he does the clearing up and dishwashing. It’s been like this ever since we got together 36yrs ago.

In our house DH is in charge of the clothes washing. I am in charge of dishes. He separates into colours, synthetics etc, loads, empties and hangs up (I will help with hanging up, loading tumble dryer, putting away).

He is on top of when DD needs sports gear, school uniform etc (when needed, obviously not at the minute until school reopens) and we let him know if something is running low eg socks and he makes sure that's the next load.

I obviously do the washing if he is ill/away or whatever because I can but I wouldn't accept a partner who wouldn't or chose not to learn how to do basic house tasks. I'm not the servant.

LatteLoverLovesLatte

I agree. As a family of 4/5 and a huge amount of laundry.
Gym ( in normal times) dancers, lycra, lace, heavy work trousers, lightly used items, towels , muddy sweaty stuff.
A big mix, all colours.
It makes much more sense for laundry to be centralised.
Economically- water/power/detergent for similar items to be washed in batches.
So OH's dirty work trousers/ DDs muddy walking stuff/DS's smelly
cotton gym gear can all go in a big long wash.
Similarly my underwear/DDs lycra/ Dms woollens can be done at the same time on a light gentle wash.

I am happy to do all laundry.