Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

What to say to the childminder

468 replies

Hyggemama · 12/02/2021 08:43

I just don't know what to do... myself partner and DS1 have never ever ever suffered from a cold sore. My DS2 has been going to a childminder for a few months though. When I collected him on Monday I noticed the childminder had a cold sore. Now he has what looks like a cold sore forming on his top lip. I am so upset. He will have this recurring for life and it must only be from her or her kids because lockdown means this is the only other family he has seen. I feel like taking him out of her care because the hygiene is clearly not good enough and she should have let us know so we made a choice to expose him or not. We would have still paid the bill. AIBU to say he won't be going back there?

OP posts:
MacDuffsMuff · 14/02/2021 13:04

What am I accusing other posters of?

@Hatia Um ... extreme reactions and being unpleasant to other posters. Both of which you are doing yourself. Can you really not see that?

Telling people to 'clean up their act', that their user name suits them, that they're 'pathetic'. You sound an absolute peach to be honest.

Hatia · 14/02/2021 13:05

I will be sure to update if this, in actual fact, was a whole thread about what's actually a scratch on his lip...

The only reference to a scratch is this. She hasn't changed her mind. In response to people insisting that she is, amongst other things, totally wrong. She's not saying it's a scratch is she. She's saying she will be sure to update you if it is.

Hatia · 14/02/2021 13:06

You sound an absolute peach to be honest.

😂 That's ok. I wasn't hoping to build up a friendship with you and others like you 😂

randomer · 14/02/2021 13:14

"an ugly infection" Children will have much worse to deal with. Mine had scabies,worms and TB.

2ndtimemum2 · 14/02/2021 13:41

It doesn't matter if the childminder the mother or the postman gave it to the child. 66% of people are carriers so the child would've eventually come in contact with the virus, it is unavoidable.

The important thing is to remove the stigma around it and EDUCATE the ridiculous people that think that Coldsores equates to poor hygeine.The childminder may not have even noticed that a Coldsore had come up, not everyone gets the tingling sensation.

Blindstupid · 14/02/2021 14:25

hatia ... think before you speak. shes not saying it’s a scratch is she ... funny but she definitely said it is definitely a cold sore - but actually it may not be, so that’s ok then? She can call it a cold sore when she actually doesn’t know, but she can’t call it a scratch? We’re not allowed to query it when she’s changed her wording to 3 options?

And as you very clearly pointed out, a cold sore is very obvious - so how doesn’t she know then? How can she mistake a scratch for a cold sore? And vilify a cm in this process of uncertainty?

Hatia · 14/02/2021 14:37

think before you speak

If only people like yourself would heed their own advice. And learn to read and absorb what is on the page rather than what they think is on the page in order to justify their own nastiness.

Anyway I'm not engaging with you any longer. I feel like I'm arguing with a child, it's extremely unfulfilling, and quite frankly a pretty boring way to spend valentine's Day. Or any day TBF.

Enjoy the rest of your day.

Blindstupid · 14/02/2021 14:56

hatia I’m not the one being nasty, you insulted me remember?

I’ve read and actually taken in and understood what the OP has actually said. Many people aren’t - they’re just going along with cm definitely has cold sore, OP son definitely has cold sore, cm definitely unhygienic and definitely passed hers onto child. All of which could be untrue. Nothing is actually known for definite.

MacDuffsMuff · 14/02/2021 16:01

If only people like yourself would heed their own advice.

Oh the irony! 😂😂😂 Talk about having no self awareness ...

glitterelf · 15/02/2021 17:17

@Hyggemama How did it go with the childminder?

RedcurrantPuff · 15/02/2021 17:23

For those of you that seem outraged that I'm a upset, I find it highly unlikely that you wouldn't be just a little bit upset to find out your baby has the herpes virus

Mine got one when he was 2, took him to the pharmacy, they gave him some Zovirax, and he’s now nearly 15 and never had another. He certainly doesn’t have an “incurable disease”, seriously give your head a wobble.

Hyggemama · 15/02/2021 18:10

Thanks for your responses everyone. Yes, I spoke to the childminder about it on Sunday. I said I didn't want to send him in today with one, incase he passed it to other children there. I explained I would still pay fees. She said her family all get them from time to time if run down and not to worry. I didn't say that I thought it might be from her as, like lots of you said, not any evidence, it could be from anywhere. But I do still think it is highly likely to be from her or one of her children. It was only her 3 children and mine there today and the sore or whatever it was has healed so skin is no longer broken so, from what I've read, the most contagious part is over.

I was upset when I wrote in my first post about hygiene. By no means am I suggesting people with cold sores are unhygienic - we have just been very lucky never to have one in my family. In the middle of a pandemic I was probably more precious than normal about my child being exposed to a virus. Yes, I bear that responsibility as I'm still taking him to a CM. And it was a very difficult decision to make. I'm not going to take him to a pharmacy as it was healing by the time I could get to one and he's 11 m old so doubt he would've stayed still enough for them to see a tiny mark. But I am going to get a treatment ready incase he has another, which will better indicate whether it was actually a cold sore.

Thanks for your help Smile

OP posts:
WombatChocolate · 15/02/2021 20:11

Thanks for coming back to us.

It's good you learned something from the thread.

What is u fortunate about it, is how many people were so quick to have a knee jerk reaction (rather like Op did in writing the thread) and were keen to state the CM must have been responsible and to spread myths about cold sores and the way people react them. Lots of people will have read part of the thread and be scared about cold sores now and those that have them.

Far, far too often on MN, we are told part of a story and far far too often, people pass often swingeing judgement on people in the story, declaring blame and actions that should be taken against them, without even seeking further details or spotting the nuances in the initial or later posts. They leap in with essentially spiteful and nasty judgment. It worries me, that although people might not speak it out in real ice, it's what's going on in their heads....and that people don't wait to think or clarify first, but are happy to make sweeping and often incorrect judgements which defame someone in the story. Op herself did this as she started the story and loads piled in with disgust at a childminder and make all kind of assertions about lack of hygiene, kissing the child, being reported to ofsted, leaving instantly, plus all the horrible comments about cold sores, their consequences and the reaction people would always have.

Wouldn't it help in real life and even on MN to just think first and count to 10?

SnackSizeRaisin · 15/02/2021 21:19

Yanbu to be upset that your son has a cold sore. But yabvu to blame the childminder. 90% of the population carries herpes virus. It's just one of those things. As others have said he may have already had it, you or your partner may already have it too (it's fairly unlikely that neither of you do).

Whattodo1610 · 16/02/2021 10:02

Well turned around OP 🙄

So, no you didn’t go to a pharmacy after all, as I suspected you wouldn’t.

the sore or whatever it was has healed - oh it was most definitely a cold sore, remember? 🙄

didn't want to send him in today with one , It was only her 3 children and mine there today - very confusing, your son is not there, yet he is 🙄

By no means am I suggesting people with cold sores are unhygienic - erm .. yes you did, nice you’ve back tracked 🙄

I didn't say that I thought it might be from her - yet you did on here, and thought it was ok to blame and slag her off with no evidence whatsoever! 🙄

So you’re over the fact now that you ds has an incurable lifelong disease 🙄

Thanks for your help - 🙄 the most you did was incite venomous nasty posts towards an innocent person

Honestly you take the Biscuit

GabsAlot · 16/02/2021 12:41

not a cold sore then

HoppingPavlova · 16/02/2021 12:57

Yes, takes the award for weirdest thread of 2021 so far. Hysterical mum of child with life-long disease (aka a cold sore), who was given it by the negligent childminder (even though it could have been via children and not childminder). But wait, may not even be a cold sore, might be a cut (not sure how you can’t tell the difference unless it is wilful ignorance), so nearly 20 pages of twaddle and the point of it was .......... who the hell knows.

Whattodo1610 · 16/02/2021 14:27

Yes gabs and hopping ... I tried to point this out all along ... I’m astounded how many people did not read the OP’s posts properly and understand what she was actually saying - which was bollocks basically. I’ve got to be honest this is actually the worst, most vile thread I’ve actually ever read on here.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page