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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

What to say to the childminder

468 replies

Hyggemama · 12/02/2021 08:43

I just don't know what to do... myself partner and DS1 have never ever ever suffered from a cold sore. My DS2 has been going to a childminder for a few months though. When I collected him on Monday I noticed the childminder had a cold sore. Now he has what looks like a cold sore forming on his top lip. I am so upset. He will have this recurring for life and it must only be from her or her kids because lockdown means this is the only other family he has seen. I feel like taking him out of her care because the hygiene is clearly not good enough and she should have let us know so we made a choice to expose him or not. We would have still paid the bill. AIBU to say he won't be going back there?

OP posts:

padsi1975 · 12/02/2021 15:35

Oh, this thread makes me feel so bad about myself and I'm truly sorry I read it. I get cold sores, either when I'm run down or when I've been out in the sun. I can get terrible outbreaks (5 or 6 at a time). They are painful and embarrassing. It makes me feel ten times worse that people think they are rank and that I am in some way unhygienic or unclean. I am super careful with my kids as I'd feel terrible if they caught it from me. But, according to my GP, most people have them but are asymptomatic, I'm just one of the unlucky ones who gets symptoms. It's possible my children already have the virus and are asymptomatic. My husband has never had one so I have to assume he has the virus and is asymptomatic. You really cannot know where he got the virus and, unless you've been tested, you cannot know that he didn't catch it from you. In the nicest possible way, perhaps you should now be a little less judgmental as your child has the virus and will be on the receiving end of such horrible judgement. Also, many posters have asked you what you are going to do now that your child is the source and may infect others. The virus is contagious before the cold sore is visible. What are you going to do about that? What about when he does have an outbreak, what then? Perhaps if you imagine these scenarios that are now going to happen (but this time to you and your family) it would be difficult, if not impossible, to inadvertently transmit the virus to someone else. People with cold sores (and those without) just have to get on with this. I find aciclovir (the tablets) highly effective in stopping a cold sore in its tracks, if taken as soon as the tingling is felt (mine are invisible to start with, the tingling tells me one is on the way). It doesn't reverse the cold sore but it stops it from progressing. In my experience, mine get significantly worse and bigger and more painful over a period of days so stopping it as soon as I feel it at least stops it from progressing from not nice to awful. Not sure if kids can take Aciclovir but I'm sure your GP could answer that.

HitchFlix · 12/02/2021 15:36

Insane over reaction. Give yourself a shake.

padsi1975 · 12/02/2021 15:40

Actually, terrible as I feel about some of the comments on this thread, I feel good that so many on this thread seem to have a much more pragmatic attitude.

ReggieKrait · 12/02/2021 15:41

@padsi1975 do NOT let the ill-informed judgmental people on this thread make you feel in any way bad! I won’t allow it!

christmasathomeagain · 12/02/2021 15:44

You are not being precious or over reacting. The cold sore virus or herpes is with them for life and can cause many problems, even death in young babies.

I'm in my 40's and would be horrified if I caught that virus now.

IncludeWomenInTheSequel · 12/02/2021 15:44

@padsi1975

Oh, this thread makes me feel so bad about myself and I'm truly sorry I read it. I get cold sores, either when I'm run down or when I've been out in the sun. I can get terrible outbreaks (5 or 6 at a time). They are painful and embarrassing. It makes me feel ten times worse that people think they are rank and that I am in some way unhygienic or unclean. I am super careful with my kids as I'd feel terrible if they caught it from me. But, according to my GP, most people have them but are asymptomatic, I'm just one of the unlucky ones who gets symptoms. It's possible my children already have the virus and are asymptomatic. My husband has never had one so I have to assume he has the virus and is asymptomatic. You really cannot know where he got the virus and, unless you've been tested, you cannot know that he didn't catch it from you. In the nicest possible way, perhaps you should now be a little less judgmental as your child has the virus and will be on the receiving end of such horrible judgement. Also, many posters have asked you what you are going to do now that your child is the source and may infect others. The virus is contagious before the cold sore is visible. What are you going to do about that? What about when he does have an outbreak, what then? Perhaps if you imagine these scenarios that are now going to happen (but this time to you and your family) you can see how it would be difficult, if not impossible, to inadvertently transmit the virus to someone else. People with cold sores (and those without) just have to get on with this. I find aciclovir (the tablets) highly effective in stopping a cold sore in its tracks, if taken as soon as the tingling is felt (mine are invisible to start with, the tingling tells me one is on the way). It doesn't reverse the cold sore but it stops it from progressing. In my experience, mine get significantly worse and bigger and more painful over a period of days so stopping it as soon as I feel it at least stops it from progressing from not nice to awful. Not sure if kids can take Aciclovir but I'm sure your GP could answer that.

I've never known a single person in real life to have this attitude. As far as I'm concerned it's no different to a spot 🤷🏻‍♀️

TitusPullo · 12/02/2021 15:47

@padsi1975 - please ignore the hysteria from some posters. Statistics says most of them have the virus anyway. Those of us who get cold sores (myself included) just get on with life. I never understand the vitriol towards people who get cold sores, if someone caught measles they would just get sympathy.

TitusPullo · 12/02/2021 15:48

@christmasathomeagain - you probably already have it. Oh no, book yourself a spot at the nearest leper colony.

2ndtimemum2 · 12/02/2021 15:52

@christmasathomeagain

You are not being precious or over reacting. The cold sore virus or herpes is with them for life and can cause many problems, even death in young babies.

I'm in my 40's and would be horrified if I caught that virus now.

Maybe educate yourself a little bit before scaremongering?

2ndtimemum2 · 12/02/2021 15:53

[quote TitusPullo]@christmasathomeagain - you probably already have it. Oh no, book yourself a spot at the nearest leper colony. [/quote]
I just bust out laughing reading this...unfortunately I had a mouthful of tea when I did!😄

2ndtimemum2 · 12/02/2021 15:58

@padsi1975 please don't feel bad...I feel more sorry for those that are so lacking in common sense that they believe that their.mammy/husband/second cousin twice removed are so clean that they can stop the transmission of a virus....maybe they should be on TV educating the world on how to stop covid...after all they are the real experts

ReggieKrait · 12/02/2021 15:59

Newborn babies can die from herpes encephalitis if infected, but this is extremely rare and is related to the immaturity of their immune system. It can be prevented by not allowing all and sundry to kiss your baby on the head and face.

These cases involving tiny babies tend to be heavily covered in the media, and I’m wondering whether this is where the general hysteria over cold sores is coming from. It’s surprising just how many people are so misinformed about something so common and (in the majority of cases) harmless.

Squidgling · 12/02/2021 16:01

I've seen several people say 90% or 98% of the population have the herpes virus. Where are you getting this from? I've tried searching and all I can find is this

"The World Health Organization (WHO) say that globally, about 67% of people below the age of 50 years (which equates to 3.7 billion people) have HSV-1. This is the virus that most often causes oral herpes."

Also, how is it more likely that the boy caught it from his parents who do not exhibit any signs of cold sores currently rather than the childminder who does? Even on the NHS page it clearly shows that you are most contagious when you actually have a sore. Even if his parents do have the dormant virus and could have passed it on, it makes more sense that someone with an active cold sore right now is the person who passed it on.

MenopausalCrone · 12/02/2021 16:02

Dried up old crone! Nah, free and loving it😎

christmasathomeagain · 12/02/2021 16:02

[quote TitusPullo]@christmasathomeagain - you probably already have it. Oh no, book yourself a spot at the nearest leper colony. [/quote]
Nope, never had a cold sore and neither has my husband or children so I find it hard to believe any of us are carriers.

My mum never had it either till she caught it from her current husband, she was in her 50's before she started getting them.

Fiona2020 · 12/02/2021 16:03

I also carry the herpes virus and it can lay dormant for years before it shows itself. He could have had it before and passed it to her! You will never know. YABU it’s really not a big deal

Lelophants · 12/02/2021 16:04

Um genital herpes is a little more serious. It's really not the same.

christmasathomeagain · 12/02/2021 16:06

[quote 2ndtimemum2]@padsi1975 please don't feel bad...I feel more sorry for those that are so lacking in common sense that they believe that their.mammy/husband/second cousin twice removed are so clean that they can stop the transmission of a virus....maybe they should be on TV educating the world on how to stop covid...after all they are the real experts [/quote]
I am educated on this, it isn't scaremongering to say if you pass on the herpes virus to a baby they can die. There have been plenty of press about this in the last 10 years.

I'm not sure how easy it is to pass on in terms of hygiene, I thought it was usually passed on via contact ie kissing which is why I would be more upset if my child caught it from someone else.

MacDuffsMuff · 12/02/2021 16:06

@blackcat86

I would not be happy at all. Then again I have actually also bothered to pay for my daughter to have the chicken pox vaccine. The childminder should have been open and honest it suggests poor hygiene at home. Find a new childminder. Both DM and MIL were childminders and transparency is key. Why have you not used a nursery? Having been witness to what other childminders were doing i would opt for a nursery.

I don't even know where to start with this pile of steaming shite.

ratspeaker · 12/02/2021 16:09

i think you are overreacting a tad but then Im one of the filthy people who suffer from cold sores

are you sure its not impetigo, can look similar.

Alot of people can have herpes simlex, not all get cold sores, if you do it's thought to be a faulty gene thats to blame

www.ed.ac.uk/biomedical-sciences/news/archives/2013/cold-sores-gene-mutatation

Norwayreally · 12/02/2021 16:11

Most people in the world have herpes either orally or genitally, it’s extremely common. Many have no idea they even have it because they never have symptoms, it just lies dormant. It’s possible to have one outbreak then never have another as well. For all you know, you do actually have it but had no idea and you gave DS it.

Turfaccountant · 12/02/2021 16:14

I'm a childminder, if you were my client you'd be getting immediate notice at pick up

2ndtimemum2 · 12/02/2021 16:14

@christmasathomeagain please look at the statistics 66% of people have the herpes virus in their system, just because your asymptomatic doesn't mean you don't carry it.

You say your educated on this matter? From your silly posts that quote the media I doubt that very much

SoulofanAggron · 12/02/2021 16:20

"Suggests poor hygiene at home?" Your post suggests a lack of knowledge!!! Maybe spend more time educating yourself on viral transmission

@2ndtimemum2 We all know a bit about how viruses are transmittted now. Of course poor hygeine/not enough washing of stuff can increase transmission. Otherwise we wouldn't be advised to wash our hands for Corona.

Derbee · 12/02/2021 16:23

@christmasathomeagain you’re much more likely to be in the 80% of carriers who don’t ever show symptoms than you are to be in the 30% who are not even carriers.

I’d book your place at the leper colony based on statistical likelihood alone

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