What to say to the childminder

[Hyggemama]

I just don't know what to do... myself partner and DS1 have never ever ever suffered from a cold sore. My DS2 has been going to a childminder for a few months though. When I collected him on Monday I noticed the childminder had a cold sore. Now he has what looks like a cold sore forming on his top lip. I am so upset. He will have this recurring for life and it must only be from her or her kids because lockdown means this is the only other family he has seen. I feel like taking him out of her care because the hygiene is clearly not good enough and she should have let us know so we made a choice to expose him or not. We would have still paid the bill. AIBU to say he won't be going back there?

@Hettya oh I know it does, as with all illnesses. I know someone whose child nearly died of Chicken Pox but we don’t go into meltdown every time a child catches it. Complications are very very rare with Herpes, especially given the amount of people who carry the virus, but the way you and other posters go on is like if you have it, it’s 50/50 you are going to drop dead at any moment. People need to better understand probability and risk.

It doesn't mean people should go out of their way to catch it though, or not bother to take steps to avoid it does it. Thus I wouldn't take my child to a chicken pox party. And I would take steps to reduce the risk of herpes to my children too. Yes it's not a common occurrence fortunately. But being lackadaisical about these things is pretty stupid imo. With a whole thread of people sniggering that there's no risk, well that isn't true. Which is why I'm putting out here, not for those who are pretty clueless anyway, but for those who read and seek to gather information.

@Squidgling exactly!

Oh ffs you can die from flu. You can have massive complications from chicken pox. You are being ridiculous.

Which is why I'm putting out here, not for those who are pretty clueless anyway, but for those who read and seek to gather information.

Except you didn’t put any actual information out there until pushed, did you? Just made some vague comment, whereas there are hundreds of other posters on this thread who gave actual first-hand accounts of how the cold sore virus is inconvenient but nothing to worry about. I’m sorry about your relative, but that still does not change the risk assessment that a sensible parent would make in the OP’s situation.

I can't believe this many people would not be at all upset if their child picked up a cold sore from the CM. Cold sores are not airborne, you need physical contact. There is a pandemic. Why is the childminder putting her lips on your child's lips a) during a pandemic and b) when she is in an actively transmissable stage of a virus? Too right I'd be p*ssed off!

My mum has always got cold sores, but in 45 years of marriage, 40 years of parenthood, and 5 years of grandparenthood, she hasn't passed anything on to anyone (touch wood). Your childminder should have taken better care.

@IsThisNews

I can't believe this many people would not be at all upset if their child picked up a cold sore from the CM. Cold sores are not airborne, you need physical contact. There is a pandemic. Why is the childminder putting her lips on your child's lips a) during a pandemic and b) when she is in an actively transmissable stage of a virus? Too right I'd be p*ssed off!

My mum has always got cold sores, but in 45 years of marriage, 40 years of parenthood, and 5 years of grandparenthood, she hasn't passed anything on to anyone (touch wood). Your childminder should have taken better care.

I’d be really upset tbh but I wanted to reassure OP it’s not the end of the world as nothing can change it now.

With a whole thread of people sniggering that there's no risk, well that isn't true.

No one is sniggering that there is no risk. People are saying put it in perspective. Yes, you personally knew if a rare case with complications. I personally have had more people than I can remember die consequent to vehicle accidents over my career. So if you are looking at risk I guess I’d be shocked that you drive yourself let alone your child around in a car. Using your own words it’s bizarre to ignore the risk.

My son gets coldsores when he is run down or has a cold. Never before did I think he had such a devestating life long illness until I read this ridiculous thread. Completely over the top reactions. Yes, they are sore and can be a bit unsightly but thank God my child will never come in contact with some of the previous posters who would treat him like he has leprosy!

Why is the childminder putting her lips on your child's lips a) during a pandemic and b) when she is in an actively transmissable stage of a virus? Too right I'd be pssed off! *

Maybe it was her child that transmitted it via OP’s child putting their lips on the other child’s lips? Kids do this sort of stuff, it’s normal. Who knows what happened.

So if you are looking at risk I guess I’d be shocked that you drive yourself let alone your child around in a car. Using your own words it’s bizarre to ignore the risk.

No a great analogy tbh. There are some things that are unavoidable. Like driving. (For me) Because driving makes my life better. I can see my friends and it helps me work. In turn enabling me to pay my bills. So it's worth taking the risk. Overall it enhances my life. Avoiding driving like an idiot helps reduce some of those risks, although you can't obviously avoid the behaviour of others that probably shouldn't be driving. But overall, I take the risk because it's worth it to me.

On the other hand there are things that are avoidable and don't enhance my life in the slightest. Not a single upside to them at all. None whatsoever. No added benefit like being able to get from A to B or anything like that. Things like, hmm .....coldsores. They don't make my life better, there's no benefit to having them, I don't need them for any reason whatsoever, they have no financial or fun benefit, there are some potential risks with them and they are easy to avoid with a little care.

Really your analogy is closer to the scenario of someone choosing to walk rather than drive, thus not benefiting from driving (the op). Some idiot (the childminder who benefits from wages from job) mounts the pavement (didn't bother to practice good hygiene) and smacks into the the op and leaves her with an injury.... (giant coldsore) 😂😉

Anyway I'm out now. Bored with that. And it is Friday night. Of sorts. Enjoy.

@IsThisNews

I can't believe this many people would not be at all upset if their child picked up a cold sore from the CM. Cold sores are not airborne, you need physical contact. There is a pandemic. Why is the childminder putting her lips on your child's lips a) during a pandemic and b) when she is in an actively transmissable stage of a virus? Too right I'd be p*ssed off!

My mum has always got cold sores, but in 45 years of marriage, 40 years of parenthood, and 5 years of grandparenthood, she hasn't passed anything on to anyone (touch wood). Your childminder should have taken better care.

Except we have no idea how it was passed. I'd say it's likely to have been through touching surfaces and towels, highly highly unlikely a CM is kissing a snotty toddler on the lips

Op have you actually asked the childminder ? Or alerted her to the fact your child has what you believe to be a cold sore ?

@glitterelf no, should I? I don't want to upset her. How could I talk to her about it in a way that wouldn't offend? If this thread has taught me anything it's that people can get very offended about cold sores.

[quote Hyggemama]@glitterelf no, should I? I don't want to upset her. How could I talk to her about it in a way that wouldn't offend? If this thread has taught me anything it's that people can get very offended about cold sores.[/quote]
That's the most ironic thing I have ever read!

@Hyggemama Well I'd start off in a non accusatory manner by simply messaging to say that your little has what appears to be a cold sore and that you just wanted to let her know and to ask if any of the other children may have one or if something maybe going around.
Also have you taken you little one to the pharmacy as they should be able to tell you if it is and advise treatment for him.

Glitterelf - good suggestion. Go to the pharmacy first for advice and then when it’s confirmed contact CM just to give the info that your DC has a cold sore and you wanted to let them know. It will be up to her how she responds.

It’s exactly what you would presumably do if your child developed some other condition. You can tell her you wont be sending him for a few days if you want or ask her how she feels about him coming (if you want to send him) and see what she says. Personally I wouldn’t be asking if others have one, but I guess you could. If you feel other parents would want to know about this (as you said you’d have wanted to know upthread) you can ask her to pass the info on, if you want to.

Seeing as this is a big deal to you and they can be contagious, it would be odd to say nothing, unless you’re not due to use the CM for a while. As you do even know if it is a cold sore, it would be worth finding out.....might turn out this whole thread has been about nothing. Now that would be amusing after all the raging and suggestions the CM must have been unhygienic or negligent or had definitely kissed DC on lips!!

It seems you only answer those who agree with you OP.

Glitter ... OP can’t do that though can she ... what’s the point? Her ds can’t go back to the cm given that’s she runs such an unhygienic place 🙄🙄 and her ds can’t ever go out now he’s infected with such a deadly virus 🙄🙄

Will everyone get a grip, stop feeding the stupid fire started by OP.

You’ve made such a song and dance about cm giving your ds a cold sore, complaining she never told you she had one ... but you don’t think you should do the same and tell her your ds has a cold sore?? After everything you say and believe. UNBELIEVABLE HYPOCRITE.

Typically when you are first infected with the virus you are sick with a fever etc. I got it after kissing my DH the morning before he came up with an active cold sore and was unwell enough to go to the doctor as I was expecting DC1 at the time. The GP said it was almost unheard of for an adult to not already have it dormant and I was just very lucky up to that point and then a bit unlucky. I have never had an actual active cold sore nor have any of my children despite DH getting them occasionally. I really don’t think it’s quite as big a deal as you’re making it out to be and you can’t even guarantee he got it from her. FYI we used l lysine a few years ago and DH hasn’t had one since.

It’s a cold sore, not Ebola. Get a grip.

I am just upset that my son now has an incurable disease

Are you usually prone to over-reaction?

I get cold sores as well and in no way do I consider I have an “incurable disease”

I had one once and never again. My partner (at a completely different time) has had it a couple of times very mildly.
Its absolutley nothing.

Whereas, worms, scabies, nits are all the delights that await.

This must be the most over the top thread ever on MN. It's not Bubonic Plague.

You cannotblame the child minder.

FWIW I got one aged 5 . Never had one since