What to say to the childminder

[Hyggemama]

I just don't know what to do... myself partner and DS1 have never ever ever suffered from a cold sore. My DS2 has been going to a childminder for a few months though. When I collected him on Monday I noticed the childminder had a cold sore. Now he has what looks like a cold sore forming on his top lip. I am so upset. He will have this recurring for life and it must only be from her or her kids because lockdown means this is the only other family he has seen. I feel like taking him out of her care because the hygiene is clearly not good enough and she should have let us know so we made a choice to expose him or not. We would have still paid the bill. AIBU to say he won't be going back there?

@JustJustWhy

I'm prone to coldsores. But obviously I'm also prone to being a filthy whore and I usually spend my days blow-jobbing in car parks.

🤣😂🤣😂

@Derbee - how dare you suggest they are one of the (whisper) unclean. Get away with your logic

@Lelophants based on...? What?

Over 70% of new genital herpes cases are caused by oral herpes now, it’s literally exactly the same. Loads of people have it, can lay dormant, get a cold sore now and then or not.

So other than “argh sex stigma” to make people like me feel shit what’s the difference?

I mean I get the mental difference, but physically?

@TitusPullo sorry, forgot that MN cold sore threads have no interest in fact or logic! I distinctly remember an old cold sire thread calling for separate online dating services for people who suffered from cold sores. You can’t make this shit up, can you?!

@Derbee - I think I remember that thread. Made me glad my probably asymptomatic husband stooped to my level.

I have a coldsore right now because I'm run down and getting over covid. My hygiene has always been very important to me. Yikes I never realised I was living with a life long critical illness. They have come and gone all my life. They aren't pleasant but along with many other viruses that come and go its just they way it is. Of course no one wants their child suffering with anything but there seems to be alot of hysteria on here! Just thank goodness your child hasn't picked covid up at childminders as the poor woman would have hell to pay!

Mn is the gift that keeps on giving.

So OP, now that your child is infected with this fatal disease, you better be sure that you never hug or kiss him ever again. Probably shouldn’t have any more children in fact because your child might infect them and they might die.

Seriously get a grip or you are going to damage your child’s mental health.

@PPNC HSV1 and HSV2 are separate subtypes of the cold sore virus that CAN cross-infect (as you say most genital herpes infections are now caused by HSV1) but behave differently if not in their “preferred” area of infection - ie HSV1 genital infection is less likely to cause the frequent and severe outbreaks that HSV2 infection does in the first year, and is far less likely to recur after the first outbreak ( I am an HCP).

@blackcat86

I would not be happy at all. Then again I have actually also bothered to pay for my daughter to have the chicken pox vaccine. The childminder should have been open and honest it suggests poor hygiene at home. Find a new childminder. Both DM and MIL were childminders and transparency is key. Why have you not used a nursery? Having been witness to what other childminders were doing i would opt for a nursery.

It is nothing to do with hygiene.

@Hyggemama

Really?! The virus can cause blindness / brain damage and will be with him for life.

I had to go back and check that you were talking about a cold sore !!! . Yep op poor child is doomed for eternity. Seriously give your head a wobble !!

I'd be very upset too OP. Those comparing it to head lice etc...it's not really the same is it?!

I know you can't always protect your kids from getting a cold sore, but it's still not a nice experience when they do.

I am a childminder and all I can say is : thank goodness I'm not your childminder OP

Unless this thread is a total wind up?

I get cold sores on my eyelids. Yes it's a thing. There was much excitement when I first went to the eye clinic with them. All the students were told to come and have a look as it's so rarely seen. I never realised I had an incurable disease though. Seems a bit dramatic to call it that. It's just a bit annoying for a few days. But then they go away.

@itsgoodtobehome

I get cold sores on my eyelids. Yes it's a thing. There was much excitement when I first went to the eye clinic with them. All the students were told to come and have a look as it's so rarely seen. I never realised I had an incurable disease though. Seems a bit dramatic to call it that. It's just a bit annoying for a few days. But then they go away.

Do they hurt?

I am a childminder and all I can say is : thank goodness I'm not your childminder OP

Bizarre that so many dismiss it as nothing. Seems to be the way with everything these days. I've seen first hand the damage it can cause. If you think that passing on a herpes virus to one of the children in your care isn't a problem and made that known to the parents, then i doubt many would be queuing up to purchase your services tbh.

I've seen first hand the damage it can cause.

Care to elaborate @Hettya? Bear in mind that nobody is suggesting that this woman is caring for very young babies, if that is where you were going with that comment?

Thanks @ReggieKrait so different types but same symptoms essentially in different places, other than you say more frequent in the first year?

@PolytheneHam

I get cold sores periodically. It hasn't had much of an impact on my life. Don't be so dramatic.

This!! In fact I have one right now. All it is is a slight inconvenience when I clean my teeth or wash my face because I forget the scabs there. Other than that unless I look in the mirror I wouldn't even know I had a coldsore now. Oh and I don't get them regularly either. Last time I had one was 18 months ago in the early stages of Pregnancy. The time before that was the previous summer. This one started on Wednesday, it's dried up lovely now and all I've used on it is a tiny bit of coconut oil

Yes genital infection with HSV2 will usually cause frequent and severe outbreaks in the first year, reducing in frequency with time.

HSV1 has evolved to infect the nerves of the face, and whilst it can infect the genitals the outbreaks tend to be less severe than with HSV2. So the lesions they cause are similar, but the subtypes do behave slightly differently and primary HSV2 genital infection can be very nasty indeed (some people end up in hospital to help them pass urine and for pain relief).

OK, let's imagine for a minute that you had a cold sore and your child then caught it from you. Would you think you had been a negligent parent? Or let's imagine your child caught chicken pox from another child? You are being ridiculous.

Oh fuck me sideways, this can’t be real. I need a break from MN...and people are agreeing with the crazy bastard.

Care to elaborate

Well you can Google the effects if you wish, rather than caring a total stranger on a forum to elaborate for you, no doubt there will be plenty of cases there, but sure, I'll go with that for now. An adult, close to me suffered a stroke as a result of the herpes virus, was in a coma for several weeks, when he fortunately pulled through, he needed care for the rest of his life and was never able to work again. I was pretty shocked that something seemingly so small could cause so much damage, but as it turns out, it can 🤷‍♀️

@Hettya - so that’s an anecdotal example of 1 then.

so that’s an anecdotal example of 1 then.

I said I had seen first hand the damage it can cause. The PP asked me to elaborate. So I did. Whether you believe it or not doesn't really matter. A little research would show you that it is entirely possible that it can, and does happen.