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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

What to say to the childminder

468 replies

Hyggemama · 12/02/2021 08:43

I just don't know what to do... myself partner and DS1 have never ever ever suffered from a cold sore. My DS2 has been going to a childminder for a few months though. When I collected him on Monday I noticed the childminder had a cold sore. Now he has what looks like a cold sore forming on his top lip. I am so upset. He will have this recurring for life and it must only be from her or her kids because lockdown means this is the only other family he has seen. I feel like taking him out of her care because the hygiene is clearly not good enough and she should have let us know so we made a choice to expose him or not. We would have still paid the bill. AIBU to say he won't be going back there?

OP posts:

unmarkedbythat · 12/02/2021 14:47

Then again I have actually also bothered to pay for my daughter to have the chicken pox vaccine.

Well, here is your long overdue for that

ToastandJamandTea · 12/02/2021 14:48

@truthisalie

I think the OP's point was that her childminder didn't have good hygiene as expected with someone having cold sores. Herpes virus isn't airborne.

How could the OP possibly know anything about the cm's current hygiene practises? Parents and carers aren't allowed in the setting and we are delivering very quick drop offs and collections in line with government guidelines.

Gilly12345 · 12/02/2021 14:49

Check your contract and consider your actions.

Your child has been kissed by someone with a cold sore and this is out of order as the herpes virus has now been passed on.

Having cold sores in life is not pleasant and the child minder has been careless.

LaceyBetty · 12/02/2021 14:51

@caringcarer

I would.be furious about it. None of us get them and if she had active cold sore she should have got plaster things to go over lips. Someone where i.usef to work had them and she always used them. They are see through.

Those plasters are to treat the sore, not to prevent transmission.

ToastandJamandTea · 12/02/2021 14:52

@SoulofanAggron

Are coldsores a sign of poor hygiene?

@Bleepers It's a bit of a coincidence that the childminder and OP's DS got one at the same time.

Maybe she gave him a peck, or some of the kids are using cups etc that haven't been cleaned adequately so they have the virus on them.

Or the child is attending a childcare environment where they share toys and touch their faces and share toys and touch their faces..... No amount of paper towels, hand washing, lack of cuddles would prevent this.

WombatChocolate · 12/02/2021 14:54

Oh Gilly, please read the thread. Please don’t throw mud at an unknown childminder and say they have been careless. You have absolutely nothing to base this on.

LaceyBetty · 12/02/2021 14:54

I honestly can't believe the overreaction on this thread (and all cold sore threads on MN).

ToastandJamandTea · 12/02/2021 14:54

@Gilly12345

Check your contract and consider your actions.

Your child has been kissed by someone with a cold sore and this is out of order as the herpes virus has now been passed on.

Having cold sores in life is not pleasant and the child minder has been careless.

Where is the evidence that the child has been kissed by the cm? I am giving my mindee's hugs even requested and playing alongside them but I certainly wouldn't be kissing them.... Especially on the face.... In a pandemic

ChangedName4TheSakeOfIt · 12/02/2021 14:55

My husband suffers from coldsores. They are unsightly, contagious and bloody painful for days! It's not something you shrug off as "Meh, it's just a virus and no big deal!"
Every time my husband has one he is extra cautious that it doesn't get passed on. In the 17 years we've been together I have never caught the virus and neither have any of our three children. Because he is bloody well careful!

I too would be upset but I don't know what you could realistically say except that you're upset she's likely passed it on to him? I don't know what it would achieve. And it's shit. Really shit. Your son may very well have it for life like my DH.

Bleepers · 12/02/2021 14:55

@Toastandjamandtea this was totally my interpretation. I would never have jumped to the conclusion that there was poor hygiene and I don't think it's a sign of that AT ALL.

JoanOfArc8 · 12/02/2021 14:55

My Mum and older brother both suffer from cold sores but my middle brother and I don’t!

Our house wasn’t the cleanest during the heady days of the 70’s, so I can’t imagine why older brother suffers but we don’t?

Surely if it was as easy as catching it from someone we should have all succumbed?

unbotheredbutbewildered · 12/02/2021 14:55

This thread is incredible.

There are going to be some seriously fragile adults in the next 15 years or so judging by some of the parents on this thread who worry excessively.

Children get diseases. It's part of life.

Be thankful your child hasn't caught something that has a far worse stigma attached to it like HIV/AIDS.

Yes, cold sores CAN be unpleasant but hey, it's part of life. Don't leave a child with anyone other than yourself if you're not willing to accept it might come down with a cold or a cold sore etc.

Pay the childminder and don't use her again if it's that big of an issue.

unmarkedbythat · 12/02/2021 14:58

@JoanOfArc8

My Mum and older brother both suffer from cold sores but my middle brother and I don’t!

Our house wasn’t the cleanest during the heady days of the 70’s, so I can’t imagine why older brother suffers but we don’t?

Surely if it was as easy as catching it from someone we should have all succumbed?

You probably all have the virus. 2/3 of us do. But a lot of people with the virus do not have cold sores. Pp expressing that everyone infected suffers terribly and repeatedly are just wrong! I used to get them fairly often and then they just stopped and I haven't had one since I was 19 or so (and when I did yes, ugly and painful, but definitely not life blighting).

PPNC · 12/02/2021 14:58

@ChangedName4TheSakeOfIt I absolutely guarantee that if your DH has Herpes, you and your kids do too. You won’t be some of the 10% who don’t.

You just don’t get symptoms. Unless of course you have never kissed or had sex with your DH in all those years?

Fembot123 · 12/02/2021 14:58

I’d be upset for him too OP but it is one of those things and it will be okay. I got them from my husband who has had them since childhood as his mum used to get them all the time, but I only get one if I’m extremely ill/run down and haven’t had one in years now.

Chemenger · 12/02/2021 15:06

@JoanOfArc8

My Mum and older brother both suffer from cold sores but my middle brother and I don’t!

Our house wasn’t the cleanest during the heady days of the 70’s, so I can’t imagine why older brother suffers but we don’t?

Surely if it was as easy as catching it from someone we should have all succumbed?

I am the only person in my immediate family that has them, parents and brother never did. DH and I get them but neither of our DDs do. Possibly not everyone who has/has had the virus shows the cold sore symptom.

ReggieKrait · 12/02/2021 15:13

Over 75% of the population has the cold sore virus, commonly picked up in childhood. It lies latent in the nerves and reactivates intermittently throughout life.

It’s upsetting as he’s young, but realistically you cannot protect your child from getting it and there’s certainly no way you can prove he got it from her. It may have been passed on from a kiss from a relative, you just don’t know.

It’s a bit shitty but just life unfortunately. It’s not dangerous for older children, only small babies as the their immune systems can be overwhelmed by it. I really would just try and let it go. You can’t conclude that her standard of hygiene is poor because of it.

JustJustWhy · 12/02/2021 15:19

I'm prone to coldsores. But obviously I'm also prone to being a filthy whore and I usually spend my days blow-jobbing in car parks.

Wearywithteens · 12/02/2021 15:21

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

HaveringWavering · 12/02/2021 15:24

In the 17 years we've been together I have never caught the virus and neither have any of our three children. Because he is bloody well careful!

You have all caught the virus, I guarantee it. You just have never had a cold sore. Some people don’t get them.

unmarkedbythat · 12/02/2021 15:25

@JustJustWhy

I'm prone to coldsores. But obviously I'm also prone to being a filthy whore and I usually spend my days blow-jobbing in car parks.

ReggieKrait · 12/02/2021 15:26

@JustJustWhy 😂😂😂

I always thought it was a bit dramatic referring to common facial cold sores as “herpes” as there is so much stigma and misinformation about it, people get the wrong end of the stick.

Herpes type 1 - cold sores, face, very very common, no problem

Herpes type 2 - genital herpes, common, can be slightly more problematic but there should be NO judgement or stigma as anyone who has ever had sexual contact can get it! Anyone.

It’s just a fact of life. Humans have been co-existing with the herpes virus for thousands of years.

squirrelloveranon · 12/02/2021 15:29

If you child is so so precious look after him yourself. I am sure the Childminder will be very happy to see you go.

TitusPullo · 12/02/2021 15:30

Is there a cold sore troll on Mumsnet? Every few months there is some sort of hysteria about it. The posts are always the same:

“it’s unfortunate but not the end of the world, 75% of the population has the virus but not everyone shows symptoms”

“People who get cold sores are dirty lepers. I have never in my life had one and would never so much as look at someone who did”.

2ndtimemum2 · 12/02/2021 15:33

@blackcat86

I would not be happy at all. Then again I have actually also bothered to pay for my daughter to have the chicken pox vaccine. The childminder should have been open and honest it suggests poor hygiene at home. Find a new childminder. Both DM and MIL were childminders and transparency is key. Why have you not used a nursery? Having been witness to what other childminders were doing i would opt for a nursery.

"Suggests poor hygiene at home?" Your post suggests a lack of knowledge!!! Maybe spend more time educating yourself on viral transmission before make idiotic posts on something you know nothing about

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