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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel possessive over nice food items

178 replies

WellPlayed · 12/02/2021 08:24

I know I probably am but it is really getting to me that I buy decent food and it is being devoured without a second thought to the quality and cost by DP. It doesn't touch the sides with him. A mountain of peanut butter in a snack sandwich, almost a pack of ham in a one go, chocolate eaten in one sitting, a think covering of jam on toast with a slab of butter underneath. I know I'm jealous as I'm calorie counting. But when I go to have a small treat from these items and find them gone or almost finished it annoys me. I feel it is a bit petty to buy cheaper versions for him but I don't actually know that he'll care or notice. AIBU?

OP posts:
Clicketyclick21 · 12/02/2021 08:46

When the shopping gets delivered, I only put half out & store the rest in hiding places. So I freeze half a loaf/crumpets etc, one pack of biscuits/treats & the rest is hidden and then replaced when finished. Half a pack of butter in the dish but I always leave a big bowl of fruit out so people can help themselves.

My hiding places are wardrobes, suitcases and an old microwave box in the cupboard under stairs.

Clicketyclick21 · 12/02/2021 08:50

I can stretch out 2 weeks worth of shopping into 3 weeks by doing this. I also get a lot of frozen treats & bakery items because it can't be eaten immediately. There's a box in the fridge filled with boiled eggs, cheese, tomatoes, yogurts & salami to snack on. I find that if my kids eat lots of protein, they don't snack so much on junk food.

PurpleDaisies · 12/02/2021 08:51

You’re unreasonable about the jam and thick slice of butter on toast. Food of the gods.

If there’s not enough left for you when you want your treat, I can understand why that’s annoying. Otherwise, it’s just food that’s there to be eaten. Are finances very tight at the moment?

I would buy yourself a treat jar labelled “for me only” and have a separate family one. I can’t imagine buying crap quality ham for my dh to eat though. That seems really petty.

clockstopper · 12/02/2021 08:55

It sounds like you have a very unhealthy relationship with food. Do excuse me whilst I get my biscuits from the back if the wardrobe

MontyDonJuan · 12/02/2021 08:55

I’m a bit like this, OP.

I have food issues and a life of disordered eating so I’m always watching people eating nice things wondering how they justify deserving it.
Sad

I now ignore it, mostly, and just remember that adults who don’t have issues like mine are able to eat what and how they want and I’m in absolutely no position to judge them.

PurpleDaisies · 12/02/2021 08:55

Sorry, my post sounds much more unsympathetic when I read it back.

If they know you’re calorie counting and have specific treats planned, it would be really unsupportive of them to keep eating them and leaving you nothing. I’d go with clear labels so they know what’s “yours” and they can buy/add their own treats to the shopping.

Flickoffboris · 12/02/2021 09:00

I think that if your finances are set up fairly then you dp shouldn't have to give any thought to the cost of some jam etc, why would he?!

If you specifically want something then hide it a bit. If you just want everything to be available at all times in case you may want it that's unreasonable, it may well go off in the meanwhile whilst it waits for you.

If you're calorie counting then don't muddle your envy up with annoyance at him eating. If you're penny pinching then you should both eat the cheap ham, not just him.

MysweetAudrina · 12/02/2021 09:01

I think you are projecting a little. In struggling to control your own eating you are trying to control others. My dh and kids go through enormous levels of snack food. I buy so much and then dh will arrive home mid week with arm loads more. I buy certain snack foods for myself like dark chocolate, graze snack packs and Coke Zero. I have a shelf in my home office that I put them in so they are there when I want them. I don't share as tbf no one in my house would consider them to be a treat but it does mean that I know I always have something to snack on if I feel like it.

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 12/02/2021 09:02

I'm between the two positions

Are you the one paying for all the food ‽? Does fp realise what he's consuming is more expensive than usual?

I'd start with trying a separate box or shelf for nice stuff for you ALL to eat...

Another shelf for 'hoovering ".

BertieBotts · 12/02/2021 09:03

Why don't you just ask him?

My DH would be happy with the cheap stuff because he prefers to eat larger quantities. I would prefer to eat less of something higher quality, as we can't afford to buy loads in at those prices.

StillCoughingandLaughing · 12/02/2021 09:06

Do you have a spare room, or a wardrobe of your own; any space he doesn’t normally use? Two words: mini fridge.

(Actually, that might be one hyphenated word, but you get the idea.)

Thebizz · 12/02/2021 09:07

I would ask him too. It sounds like he wouldn’t mind.

HikeForward · 12/02/2021 09:08

I think calorie counting has skewed your perspective on this. Why shouldn’t he eat what he wants if he pays his share of the shopping?

You could always keep ‘treat’ items elsewhere for yourself. But VU to expect him to spread his butter and jam more thinly or buy him cheap versions so you can savour the better quality ones! How would you feel if he tried to police your eating or said you could only eat the cheap versions because you eat more than him?

Don’t you keep spares in the cupboard of things like peanut butter, jam etc?

Caspianberg · 12/02/2021 09:11

Depends. I think if others are hungry then food like peanut butter and ham going is fine, as they are normal food.

If you have special nice chocolates or ice cream that are fancy ‘snacks’, then half should be left for you to eat at leisure rather than all in one go. Your dh has his half and can choose whether to eat in one even or across the week

Beautiful3 · 12/02/2021 09:16

I have a box of treats for the family in the garage with the crisps and chocolates they asked for. Mine are in another box, no one touches that one. Sometimes I share. I usually have popcorn and mini bags of haribo.

Cadent · 12/02/2021 09:25

YANBU. He sounds greedy. Does he do any food shopping?

I it just the two of you? Tell him he can't exceed half the pack of anything.

IthinkIm · 12/02/2021 09:27

Who pays for it?

Mintjulia · 12/02/2021 09:27

As long as your dp is paying for 60% of the food, I think I'd freeze a proportion of it, and leave some other bits - jam, peanut butter etc in the boot of your car.

Generally men do eat a bit more than women but I know it can be annoying. I used to keep tiny boxes of Smarties as treats for ds when he was very young and finding that my dp has eaten 20 boxes, left none and not replaced them was infuriating. Really selfish.

Xenia · 12/02/2021 09:28

I pay for all the food and my sons and I just have our own - I even have my own shelf in the fridge and we share nothing without prior consent. Works for us but then I am not married now so it's all a lot easier.

If you are calorie counting it sometimes is better to avoid all chocolate as starting with a little bit tends to prime the pump and people then eat a lot more so he might be doing you a favour actually! Stick with the carrots.

WitchesBritchesPumpkinPants · 12/02/2021 09:33

@Cadent

YANBU. He sounds greedy. Does he do any food shopping?

I it just the two of you? Tell him he can't exceed half the pack of anything.

You might want to read the op again. She's annoyed about him putting too much peanut butter in a sandwich and too much butter on his toast. It's likely to be just a 'normal' amount, but the OP's relationship with food means she sees it as excessive. But really, it might be more than one would prefer themselves, but I don't think putting a lot of butter in toast makes someone greedy.
WitchesBritchesPumpkinPants · 12/02/2021 09:36

If he has several peanut butter sandwiches through the week and is using it up, why shouldn't he? Just keep a spare jar in.

Why leave a bit in a jar just in case you happen to fancy it?

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 12/02/2021 09:37

Who pays for the food?

If he's eating the lion's share then maybe he could contribute a bit more. Or encourage HIM to buy what he wants and do the shopping himself.

You sound very controlling but as others have suggested, perhaps the calorie counting is skewing things.

VodselForDinner · 12/02/2021 09:48

As long as your dp is paying for 60% of the food

And if she’s a SAHM and he pays for 100% of the food, does that mean she shouldn’t have any of it?

FFS.

I probably use 80% of the milk that comes into my house but only contribute towards 50% of the cost through our joint account. Does that mean I should add an extra 20p to offset this every time I want a cappuccino?

PurpleDaisies · 12/02/2021 09:52

Who pays is a total red herring.

Cadent · 12/02/2021 10:13

@WitchesBritchesPumpkinPants

You might want to read the op again

Nope, you need to re-read. He can eat almost a pack of ham in one go.

That’s greedy as it leaves none for anyone else.

That might be normal in your family but not mine.