To feel possessive over nice food items

[WellPlayed]

I know I probably am but it is really getting to me that I buy decent food and it is being devoured without a second thought to the quality and cost by DP. It doesn't touch the sides with him. A mountain of peanut butter in a snack sandwich, almost a pack of ham in a one go, chocolate eaten in one sitting, a think covering of jam on toast with a slab of butter underneath. I know I'm jealous as I'm calorie counting. But when I go to have a small treat from these items and find them gone or almost finished it annoys me. I feel it is a bit petty to buy cheaper versions for him but I don't actually know that he'll care or notice. AIBU?

You should get one of these lockable boxes.
They work a treat. I got so fed up with treats disappearing in a day or two, thanks to the household gannets.

Haven't needed to say it to DP

If he's eating huge amounts of peanut butter it's probably healthier to have the baby suitable stuff. You can buy whole earth peanut butter in a larger jar or even a huge plastic bucket. It gets complicated when you have separate things for different people in the household

If your DP is eating all that processed junk he mustn’t be very healthy. Be grateful you have some self control and maybe don’t buy it in the first place?

I must ask though, Is a pack of ham , peanut butter and jam actually nice food? The things you described sound utterly grotesque and not at all appetising to me.

There seems to be a lot of yours and mine mentality on here in relationships. Makes me grateful to have a thoughtful husband.

I’m not a big fan of sweet stuff or chocolate but hate it when I go to the cupboard and every morsel has been hoovered by DH & DS so I do stash nice chocolate. Trouble is I forget about it and then discover it months later.
I have found that buying dark chocolate stops DS eating it, he is a Dairy milk fan. But DH is happy to eat anything.

Agree with @Shinyletsbebadguys.
Talk to him about eating the baby’s food, that’s annoying. In fact talk to him about the whole thing. But he’s not a greedy pig.

If you're going to have untouchable stuff for the baby, then make life easier and put the baby's stuff in a separate cupboard.

If he's happy with cheaper versions when he's shopping then buy those instead & buy yourself a fancy jam & ask him to leave it gor you.

Jesus wept, it's not hard, but start talking snd stop expecting the poor bloke to be a mind reader.

Seeking with resentment isn't healthy.

Find a better way to manage your finances too as that's also making you resentful (and particularly once you have kids not having a
Joint account is really difficult. If he's earning more, ask him to contribute more, do you both have the same amount of spending money.

In what world is ham cheap? It can be 2-3 pounds for a small pack that many of these locusts are using all of in a 'snack'.

Anyone who thinks the OP is being unreasonable clearly hasn't lived with a DH or a teen DS, these being the biggest culprits, who will inhale food at an alarming rate, until it runs out, leaving none for anyone else.

And it isn't always a case of 'just buy more' as unsurprisingly, few people have the budget to keep unlimited amounts of food to feed a family and fill a peckish bottomless pit.

I think with children a joint account is also needed so you aren’t always debating who buys what for food or baby. Put a set amount in each month each, that should cover all those types of bills.

Debating who paid for babies new water beaker, T-shirt, ice cream out, entry to swimming etc in future is where madness lies.

I hear you OP. Of course you're a little jealous watching your DH eat loads of food that you're trying to avoid. I think the main issue is that you buy lovely expensive food as a treat and he eats it all. That would boil my blood. It's so selfish to do this if he's not leaving you half.

stop expecting the poor bloke to be a mind reader.

So it's solely OP's job to think about what other people in the house might want to eat? Men can't be expected to think about anyone but themselves? They need to be TOLD that other people eat food too??

Are you the greedy husband regular poster?

I think this is less about food and more a division of finances and one taking out more than they are putting in. Do you not have a joint account that home / food expenses come out of?

OK so I don't think any need for secret lockers / boxes etc - in this house if something looks like it is running low you just shout "Anyone mind if I have this ? Or that last piece of that ? " Just simple manners when you live with other people , surely? Well may be not Doesn't work perfectly but it does encourage consideration.

Have you posted about him before? There was a poster who had real control issues over what her DP ate a few years ago and this sounds identical. I have the memory of an elephant where MN threads are concerned.

It's not just the food is it? If you're the one monitoring the supply, making the list, booking the slots or going to the shop, unpacking and storing, planning the meals, choosing the snacks and so on - then every time a chunk of it is removed you're being forced to do all this again, or earlier. It doesn't just appear in the cupboard by itself.
And since you're dieting you probably don't want to have to monitor food levels and think about replenishing, as that makes what you're trying to do harder.
So yes, I get it OP. You're allowed to feel this way.

I get you, OP.
Some people are just hogs and will take whatever they find as their god-given right to eat.

However, you can manage it, if you're not prepared to talk to him - put the baby's peanut butter in a hard-to-open tupperware container, or similar, so he can't see it, then he'll get his own.
Put your snacks in similar containers so he can't see them, then he'll get his own.
Tell him that if he runs out of snacks, he's to buy his own because you've already bought sufficient for normal appetites.

My DH has a chocolate habit - he keeps telling me not to buy him more chocolate, but if I don't, he''ll just raid the kids' stash, which is not on, so I buy him his own. Then he eats it and complains that I shouldn't have bought it for him.
I'm not his mother, and I don't have to facilitate his willpower, but I DO have a responsibility to protect the children's food from his ravages.

I also hide my own snacks/chocolate so he can't find them, because it's the only way to keep them.

So yeah... I have empathy because I have one of these hogs myself, although he doesn't over eat in general terms.

Don't you actually communicate with him and then tell him it annoys you? And I know everyone runs finances in different ways in relationships but I cant imagine yours, especially when a baby comes along, it should be joint.

@Flickoffboris

I think that if your finances are set up fairly then you dp shouldn't have to give any thought to the cost of some jam etc, why would he?!

If you specifically want something then hide it a bit. If you just want everything to be available at all times in case you may want it that's unreasonable, it may well go off in the meanwhile whilst it waits for you.

If you're calorie counting then don't muddle your envy up with annoyance at him eating. If you're penny pinching then you should both eat the cheap ham, not just him.

Absolutely this.

What drives me crackers is when I think I have the makings of a meal, go to the fridge, and find someone has scoffed it since I put it there the previous day (Like a PP's stepson eating an entire chicken).

It doesn't happen often now there are no children in the house but it used to really get my goat. Teenaged boys are absolute buggers for consuming ridiculous amounts of food (but never anything they have to cook - it's all "no effort required" stuff, and never anything "boring" eg bread and butter, an apple, carrots and hummus)

We have a joint account which we both contribute equally too. But that money runs out fast and as I do the majority(all!) of the food shopping I end up topping it up and I can't really reclaim the money as then we have none for the next month. Asking for money from him leads to arguements so I don't bother. Ham etc is expensive. To clarify the peanut butter, we have the same as our baby except crunchy instead of smooth. I guess for me it is actually the consideration. I buy him treats because I care, he eats my treats because he doesn't. I don't expect him to mind read. The issue has been discussed in the past, nothing changes. And people start threads about all sorts of things, sometimes, it helps with the realisation of what actual issues there are and what isn't an issue.

I do sometimes make a point of telling my family what certain food items have been bought for, otherwise how do they necessarily know? So I might say i have bought the 'nice bread' for tomorrow's soup as otherwise DH would eat it.

My mum used to buy nice food none of us were allowed to eat and then it would go off and would have to be thrown away (this was part of her eating disorder). Dad would say; 'Is this food here for eating or for looking at?' which would make her laugh.

But yes I would just say what you have earmarked things for if you have earmarked it. Or tell him straight out. No use stewing and getting upset when he may not have any idea how you feel.

x-post OP.