To feel possessive over nice food items

[WellPlayed]

I know I probably am but it is really getting to me that I buy decent food and it is being devoured without a second thought to the quality and cost by DP. It doesn't touch the sides with him. A mountain of peanut butter in a snack sandwich, almost a pack of ham in a one go, chocolate eaten in one sitting, a think covering of jam on toast with a slab of butter underneath. I know I'm jealous as I'm calorie counting. But when I go to have a small treat from these items and find them gone or almost finished it annoys me. I feel it is a bit petty to buy cheaper versions for him but I don't actually know that he'll care or notice. AIBU?

I think it's fair enough if you buy say a packet of four things, or a cake, to say that every one can have their fair share only. You could say that about the peanut butter (please can you leave half of this for me). But if its your diet deprivation talking, then remind yourself that over eating doesn't feel good or taste good.

we don't run out of things because we have one on the go (jam, peanut butter etc) and one in the reserve cupboard. When that one comes out, the item gets put on the shopping list.
Have you told him how rude it is to share a house and eat the last of everyanything?

No I don’t feel possessive about food. DH eats more than me, he has a bigger appetite. We buy enough for both of us to eat what we want.

I find hiding stuff in wardrobes a silly crazy if that is true (another poster).

@Aprilx

No I don’t feel possessive about food. DH eats more than me, he has a bigger appetite. We buy enough for both of us to eat what we want.

I find hiding stuff in wardrobes a silly crazy if that is true (another poster).

Partly true - I put a pack of biscuits in the spare bedroom wardrobe (unopened) to stop teenage sons eating them all in 30 seconds flat.

Depends on size of ham pack. Devouring family size in one sitting is definitely greedy,around 100g in for slices- normal.

*four slices

I'm not controlling with food. I don't stop him eating and I don't mention it as it's food it's there's to be eaten but I still find it annoying. I go to the shops, buy all the food (pay more than half), buy him drinks and treats he likes and it is gone in a flash. Then he wants to eat mine (not that I have much atm). I buy certain peanut butter for our baby and go to use it and half the jar is gone and he's only just used it for two sandwiches. We have our own peanut butter which if it isn't closest to his hand he'll use the baby's. If he shops we get cheapest stuff. I also pay for the milk/bread delivery. I don't recover the cost of this but it's about £50 a month extra. We both work. He earns a tad more.

If you don’t mention it, how is he supposed to know it annoys you?

well it depends what the problem is, if you are putting more money into the family pot than him, then that's an issue and it is unfair.

But if you are contributing to the finances equally you can't really begrudge him the quantity of food he eats, I mean, different people in the household will eat different amounts depending on their appetite, size, level of activity etc.

Particularly if you are on a diet and he is not, it's unreasonable to expect him to eat the same quantities as you do

my husband eats at least one and a half times what I eat, neither of us is overweight, is he supposed to go hungry to make it fair?

of course, if something special is bought that you are really looking forward to eating, if this is known to him, and he routinely finishes it off without consideration for the fact you might want a taste, then that's not nice!

I fast a lot, my DH is known to keep a little bit pf everything he eats that he knows I would like for me to eat when I can, today is was some pizza from the last night take away that I hadn't[t tried as I was fasting, I didn't ask him, he just does it, that's also normal in a family

Is it more about the calories than the cost of the food? Maybe he is lucky that he can eat what he likes! I would be annoyed if it was my wine supply being raided 😫

* don't mention it as it's food it's there's to be eaten but I still find it annoying*

So you stew on it and start threads

Instead of just having an adult chat with him about it

YANBU. I get incredibly annoyed when DSS eats the food I've bought for a snack (i.e. from a different place than the weekly 'big shop') because he honestly doesn't even tell what he's eating. I went for a shower last night for example, which takes me no more than 5 minutes. In that 5 minutes, he'd come down from his room, found something to watch on TV, and opened and finished a box of 8 luxury chocolate cookies that I'd bought me and DP (he will be at his mum's over the weekend) to share on Valentine's Day.

It wouldn't have mattered to him whether they were those biscuits or digestives. He doesn't even taste his food. He honestly wolfs it down so fast I don't know how he doesn't choke.

Me and DP put together a snack shelf for him and a little section of the fridge for what he could eat whenever he wants - otherwise he will finish all the bread (he had half a loaf, literally, with a full block of cheese in the middle of the night a few days ago), eat things I've bought for a meal etc. Honestly, one time I bought a chicken for dinner (a cooked one) and DP and I went out, and when we came back he'd eaten a chicken. An actual, full chicken. As a snack. Surely that's not normal behaviour for a 14(at the time)yo.

His snack shelf includes things like fruit, yogurts, cereal, cereal bars, and a few packs of biscuits. We are not stingy whatsoever with what we buy for him, but he will eat through everything within a day or so of us buying it (supposed to last him a week) and then just move onto other things.

I'd never ever have done that when I was 17. He doesn't contribute anything to the bills (not saying he should, just making a point), or help round the house, or even do much college work. He just sits up in his room and plays games, and comes down and eats everything that me and his dad work so hard for. I never thought I could be this resentful but it feels like an uphill struggle all the time.

Why are you paying more when he earns and eats more??

So he's tight and a greedy pig to boot.

Yuk.

Why are you paying more?

Doesn't sound that you have a nice decent man there.

Be careful OP, doesn't sound good.

I was carefully rationing out my packet of salt and vinegar peanuts because I'm watching my food intake. I saved the last few and then went to get them the next day and dh had eaten them 🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬

@LindaEllen

He knows well, he just doesn't give a shit.

Sounds like you are tip toeing around a selfish teen.
You are not his parent, why would you put up with this.

Why isn't your partner sorting this out?
Or are you afraid of him too.

No way to live.

And of course he did it while you were in the shower.

You are very silly to put up with such rudeness and selfishness.

If any of MY teens did something so selfish I would be furious at the selfishness.

In this house they have to ask for the treats.
No eating packets of biscuits without asking.
Basic manners.
I say yes to being asked but if there are chocolate bars in the fridge, they ask first as basic manners.

My DH and three sons eat loads, so much so that I have resorted to hiding food since they will just consume it because it is there.

I did once go crazy in the event now known as Coleslawgate. DH had been making himself some lunches (for the week). He'd gone through the fridge and was chopping lots of different salad/meat/cheese stuff into a bowl. I saw red when he fished out the tub of coleslaw and started emptying that into his medley. I was furious - what if someone else wanted to eat the coleslaw and what was the purpose of adding it to all heap of already chopped up stuff? He was adamant all he was doing was eating the coleslaw too. I couldn't see his logic at the time but on reflection I can see no reason why he couldn't eat the food we all share!

@Clicketyclick21
Omg I do this and worried I was being a 'food abuser' and that ds would grow up with issues around food,thanks for making me feel better.

Would you rather he oohed, aahed, mmmmed and licked his lips to show his appreciation of the high quality jam as he ate it instead of just eating it like a normal person?
Does appreciating mode food change the end result, which is the food gets eaten?

Who pays is irrelevant here OP.

If you have a greedy DH you need to hide away your share!! I know DH hides his from me because I will eat it quicker than him.

Have a box in the cupboard that’s labelled as yours, that he knows not to touch. Have a plastic container in the fridge, too, that’s labelled as yours and that he knows not to touch. Alternatively, tell him to pay to replace the things he finishes (and take the time and effort to buy them himself, too!) if he does so without giving any thought to whether or not you might want some.

@Beseigedbykillersquirrels

Would you rather he oohed, aahed, mmmmed and licked his lips to show his appreciation of the high quality jam as he ate it instead of just eating it like a normal person? Does appreciating mode food change the end result, which is the food gets eaten?

No, but I can see the irritation if DH someone is just shovelling down whatever's to hand and genuinely wouldn't notice if it was 5p/100g or £5/100g in terms of price and quality. If you're buying a specific brand for a specific purpose and someone munches their way through it purely because they couldn't be bothered to find the 'everyday' version in the cupboard then that's going to chafe - in much the same way it does if you buy something that's an integral ingredient for a meal and someone eats it as a snack when there's plenty of other stuff to snack on, but nothing else that can replace that ingredient in the meal.

I can also see that if you're only going to have a cracker with a bit of jam on it once every few days or something, you would quite like there to be some jam left when you open the fridge.

[quote Cadent]@WitchesBritchesPumpkinPants

You might want to read the op again

Nope, you need to re-read. He can eat almost a pack of ham in one go.

That’s greedy as it leaves none for anyone else.

That might be normal in your family but not mine.[/quote]
Nope. I read it just fine thanks.

If I bought ham, which I don't - bring g vegetarian, I'd buy the decent stuff that had 4-6 slices in a pack. So no I don't think eating almost all of that in sandwiches makes a grown man greedy. You might buy large packets of budget ham, the OP doesn't.

He eats most of it, not all of it. Given the OP only wants a little bit of everything as a 'treat' I'm sure there's plenty left gor her to nibble.

Honestly, peanut butter/ham/jam/butter are everyday food items (and fairly cheap too) and I don't think they need to be rationed. Only thing I'd insist on is that whoever finishes an item writes it on the shopping list so that a replacement is bought.

If he was eating all of a treat item - i.e. a gifted box of chocolates, I might feel differently.

I think this is an issue that brings out peoples really disordered reasoning about food.

From your update there are things it is totally unreasonable for your dh to do. Using the babies peanut butter for example. I refuse to hide anything in this house because I can't bear controlling other peoples food intake. If it's there people can eat it but once it's gone it's gone. For certain things for the DC I just mention to DP I am saving it for the DC etc and je doesn't touch it. Your dh eating the babies peanut butter for example is selfish and I would pull that one up.

Having said that you do need to separate that from how much he chooses to eat. If you are paying more tell him to contribute more.

What is unreasonable and please don't go that way is some of the posters above using phrases like greedy or worse greedy pig. That is totally unacceptable to refer to an adult this way.

It's about resources in our house. If the food and money is there ...its not my or DP decision how much the other eats. Ever. Its disgusting to place your (the royal your not necessarily OP) decisions about an acceptable amount of food just because.

We have been in the position to limit our own food so DC eat properly some months since covid job losses and I have needed to even say it to DP. He could see we were low and knew what money we had. So we ate scrambled egg every day for 2 weeks to save the rest of the food for the DC. Outside of that it's never ok to police someone elses food.

Again I'd strongly advise not using some of the phrases above. If any adult dared to refer to myself or DP as a greedy pig they would be gone out of our lives immediately, it's a horrific phrase.