To feel possessive over nice food items

[WellPlayed]

I know I probably am but it is really getting to me that I buy decent food and it is being devoured without a second thought to the quality and cost by DP. It doesn't touch the sides with him. A mountain of peanut butter in a snack sandwich, almost a pack of ham in a one go, chocolate eaten in one sitting, a think covering of jam on toast with a slab of butter underneath. I know I'm jealous as I'm calorie counting. But when I go to have a small treat from these items and find them gone or almost finished it annoys me. I feel it is a bit petty to buy cheaper versions for him but I don't actually know that he'll care or notice. AIBU?

Men need more calories. They don't need more treats (or a disproportionate quantity of treats). That's greed.

But cheaper food. He does not appreciate it, he eats it all so never there for you. And definitely do not pay more than half of the food bill. If he does not know how much more you are paying he will not appreciate it.

And do not buy him food treats. If he needs food treats he pays for them.

If he can't be responsible with food I'd just buy him blue stripe shit and smaller good quality items for myself which I'd keep under lock and key.
If he can't be be considerate and think about other people in the house I'd treat him like the baby he is, got no time for selfish men.

Make this not your problem by managing it - buy him blue stripe stuff, blah blah blah. Fuck that. You have this shelf, I have this one. No more joint money. You do your own shop and I'll do mine. He's an adult.

I think you need a separate food shopping account. By all means, put in 50-50 if that's how you work it. But also make sure the milk delivery cost is in there too.

Agree together how much you'll put in for shopping.

Then when the money is all gone, and so is the food, send him to the shop to replace the baby's peanut butter, and the mountains of ham or butter etc.

You shouldn't be picking up the tab endlessly. But neither should you dictate what he eats. The solution is for him to buy more food, not you.

I totally understand its frustrating when you buy nice things and people don't appreciate it. Just buy yourself a few nuce things that you like and tell him they are yours for wheb your having a treat and not to be touched.

It doesn't matter who pays or who does the shopping, it matters because when you fancy something a couple of days after the shop and go to get it and it's gone...it's really annoying. You shouldn't have to tell them not to eat everything, it should be perfectly fucking obvious the stuff is for the whole family, not just one greedy bastard.

Yesterday I went to get a 2 finger Kit Kat from one of the multi packs I'd bought at the weekend (4 packs in total), they were all gone and there's only 2 of us here

Hi OP I can relate to this. The main issue with me is that my DH is a total man child and has no idea when things are running out/low they should be replaced. He just assumes that when he finishes something I will be the one that goes out to replaces it. Especially annoying during lockdown when there are restrictions on how often we can go to the shops.

I wouldn't recommend locking it away as that is too extreme, but I would put it out of sight.

XP would at least ask before helping himself, but would have no idea of planning ahead. Meal planning was 'Oh, I'm hungry, go to shop'. If it wasn't in the fridge he'd not see it.

If he didn't ask, he'd probably eat whatever was there. He got better at it and at least he would ask.

@clockstopper

It sounds like you have a very unhealthy relationship with food. Do excuse me whilst I get my biscuits from the back if the wardrobe

It doesn't to me. It sounds like the OP's partner is a selfish greedy pig. Nobody needs to eat a whole pack of ham in one go.

It doesn't to me. It sounds like the OP's partner is a selfish greedy pig. Nobody needs to eat a whole pack of ham in one go.

Fuck yeah. A pack of ham lasts us a month.

Slightly different here as when DH does the food shop he pays from his own account, whereas I when I do the food shop, I pay using the joint account. This is his own choice. However, he does use up things and doesn't think to replace them unless I ask. e.g. he can finish a massive jar of mayo in a week, where it would take me 2-3 months to finish it. However, he is happy to drive to the supermarket for just one item (i hate doing that, it seems such a waste of time/petrol etc).

@Clicketyclick21 I can't believe you hide food from your family. That's genuinely one of the most bizarre things I've ever heard.

I think men naturally eat more. My DP can easily eat 6 crumpets in one sitting (and not gain 1lb!) but I also buy a lot more diet or low fat things. Last week DP put a crate of beer in the shopping trolly and for a split second I though “that’s a bit unfair” but realistically it all balances out in the end I reckon x

I used to have a similar situation, partner was a bottomless pit and also had no comprehension of how much a weekly shop cost after putting money into the pot for the initial shop. I just had to stop buying snacks, make sure the money went on the proper food for each meal (he didn't cook so ingredients were safe) and then if he wanted snacks he had to go out and by them. If I wanted something for myself I had to either buy it on the day or hide it somewhere.

TBH it was just one of his many inconsiderate traits and I'm incredibly grateful I never had kids with him.

He sounds greedy and selfish. But it sounds like you won’t be able to change that. Can you buy large quantities of cheap stuff for him to plough through if he doesn’t care? I’m thinking the biggest possible packs of own brand crisps, crackers, biscuits, smartprice chocolate, peanut butter, jam etc. And then put that all in view and put the smaller packs of nicer stuff for you somewhere less convenient.
DP and I actually have a cupboard each in the kitchen for our own personal stuff, (not because he’s greedy, although I have started buying 3 bunches of bananas a week between the two of us so that I get some) just as we like different snacks, lunch stuff etc so it’s easier to find our own stuff and we don’t rummage in each other’s cupboards. We also have a basket of snacks on the side of the stuff I want him to eat up so it’s in his eyeline.

My dp wont ever just eat one thing from a multipack he has to eat it all in one go meaning i get nothing.
Ive now got a box of my treats he isnt allowed to tough and that works most of the time.

[quote turnthebiglightoff]@Clicketyclick21 I can't believe you hide food from your family. That's genuinely one of the most bizarre things I've ever heard. [/quote]
I usually buy extras so two jars or peanut butter etc so I put 1 one and put the other in storage. When it finishes, the spare jar is brought out of the cupboard. I thought most people did stock rotation, older things out in the cupboards & long dated items in storage. Same with treats, if they were all put out together they wouldn't last the week. I have 2 packs of biscuits in the tin & chocolate bars & replace them when they are finished.

@ILoveShula

Butter and jam is just ridiculous. One or the other.

WHAT!?

Butter AND jam is the perfect combination.

DoItYourselfNeverHappensAtOurs
Butter and jam is amazing.
Especially real butter and Bonne Maman apricot jam.
[awaits frothing]

Are you my twin, separated at birth?

YUMYUMYUMYUMYUM

And to be fair to people's 'greedy' DPs, men do on average need more calories a day than women. We shouldn't be eating the same amounts.

I totally agree - greater body + muscle mass = greater calorie requirements. However you want to see the rants about "penis portions" that appear on some threads.

It can be just as annoying by leaving the last bit of something and never finishing the last of anything 😂

Fucking odds and ends everywhere.

OP, you need to sit down with him and go through the food shopping and make sure that all expenses come out of the joint account.

If you buy yourself treats then hide them , I have to do that with DD or she will eat everything. If I buy 99 cal crisps as a treat, or kitkats or whatever, I don't expect to go to the cupboard 2 days after delivery to find they are all gone, when they were supposed to last the week.

It is not weird to hide food , I know loads of people who do it, or their DC would just devour it like locusts.

It is sheer greed if somebody eats all of something, XH used to do it all the time and I had to call him on it, and point out that I would have liked some of it too, or that it was for a meal not a snack for him to eat all of between the meals.

You can't judge him though for being able to eat food that you can't , that is your choice, but if you are having calorie controlled snacks then you are entitled to put your share for the week away so that you can eat 1 a day.

We used to have a shelf for DD when she was younger, so all biscuits/snacks, juice etc for her were on that shelf and nobody else touched them.

Also, yes, definitely butter and jam. Everyone is different but a sandwich is bread, butter and filling in our house.

@SchadenfreudePersonified

I totally agree - greater body + muscle mass = greater calorie requirements. However you want to see the rants about "penis portions" that appear on some threads.

It becomes an issue when said penis wants a woman to pay more to feed it.

I thought you meant v expensive chocs or something which I'd prob understand.. That's just normal every day food. I don't think you can scrutinise his eating to this extent unless there's a health & weight issue.

[quote Cadent]@SchadenfreudePersonified

I totally agree - greater body + muscle mass = greater calorie requirements. However you want to see the rants about "penis portions" that appear on some threads.

It becomes an issue when said penis wants a woman to pay more to feed it.[/quote]
I was thinking of the threads where poster says "MIL always gives DH, DFIL and my 2 DSs more food than she puts on my plate or her own, so last time I just got hold of the joint/chicken/vegan shepherd's pie and helped myself to more and piled on some extra vegetables.", then everyone piles in with "Go on girl! Why should those blokes have more food than you!"

It can be just as annoying by leaving the last bit of something and never finishing the last of anything

Damn right , Eliza - our fridge is full of jars with half a spoonful of something left in it. Every now and then I just chuck the stuff and rinse out the jars, then there is a chorus of "Where's that smear of lemon corn that was in here and I haven't bothered with for the past five weeks ?