AIBU to have finally snapped?

[ChilliWillies]

Strap yourself in, this will be long. I’ve also name changed as what I’ll write is so identifying if you know me.
DH is a fussy eater. He claims he isn’t and that I’m the ‘weird’ one as I eat almost anything. DS6 is also going through a phase of saying he ‘hates’ the food I’ve made. For the record, I’m a good cook and am often complimented on my food.
I have managed to expand DH’s very limited palate over a lot of years so we can have less boring food, but any new recipe is met with suspicion. I can almost accept this, but what is CANNOT handle is that he changes his fucking mind! Something I made last week that he really enjoyed, this week ‘tastes awful’. I never know if he will like something that week or not. He also has form for getting annoyed about how food is served - I served curry and rice in big pasta bowls once and he made a big performance of tipping it all out onto a plate before he would eat it. I am the only cook - he can cook, but gets ridiculously stressed by it and also takes 3 hours to make anything.
Last night, I put dinner on the table, DS said ‘yuck, I hate this’ (he doesn’t, he loved it last week, getting this behaviour from his dad 😡) and left the table. DH poked at it dubiously, tried a bit and said ‘this is really bad’. It was some Sicilian Lamb Stew, leftover from the week before, that I’d frozen and then defrosted yesterday, served over a jacket potato. I explained he had liked it last time, and he said ‘what, with a jacket potato?’ I explained last time I’d served it with mashed potato and he literally said ‘oh that will be it then, you shouldn’t serve it with a jacket potato’!!!! 😡🙄. As if that would change the taste of the stew completely.
So, I actually lost it, stormed out, went to the shop and bought crappy white sliced bread, (he will moan if I buy unsliced bread, or anything with healthy seeds and grains in it) cheap ham, burgers, chicken nuggets and chips. When I got hone, I told him that’s what they were getting from now on, I give up.
He clearly didn’t believe me, because when I made lunch just now I made them plain ham sandwiches and made myself a new chicken story fry with peanut noodles recipe I’d been wanting to try. He’s got the right hump and is now not speaking to me.
So, we’ll done for getting this far. AIBU for subjecting to them to ham sandwiches and beige food for at least two weeks until they realise how good they had it?

I belong in this thread! I have had it up to here with the fussy eating. I'm now convinced my ds13 has ARFID as part of his autism. But my DD12 has no excuse. I could cry most days and don't feel like cooking at all because I hate throwing food away!! Grrrrr!

You haven't snapped far enough tbh, why are you cooking/preparing anything at all for that ungrateful asshole. He's teaching your child to be equally ungrateful and disrespectful towards you as well btw

Fucking YANBU.

DH is a fussy eater in denial too, and it enrages me.

Why isn't your DH doing any cooking?

If he will make food you don't like, is it better that you cook for yourself and DS and then DH sorts himself?

@ChilliWillies

Thanks everyone glad I’m not going nuts. I won’t keep DS on beige food for long, it’s just as a lesson, until he gets bored with it. I’m also still making sure he’s eating plenty of fruit etc as snacks.

But children love repetition. My 4 year old would eat cheese sandwiches and jelly every day if I let him. So I think you’re plan will backfire with your son and you might struggle to get him back to varied food if you leave it a couple weeks.

[quote ChilliWillies]@PlanDeRaccordement I ask them both when I do the meal plan, DS always asks for the same lunch on Saturday, which I make, DH literally says ‘you know me, I don’t mind’😱!!! He contributes no ideas but moans if the meal rotations get too boring 😡[/quote]
Stop cooking for him, he clearly does care and is using it as a tool to moan at you

I would have made your child the sandwhich and nothing for your husband. What an entitled idiot. Make it clear that you are making only your own food going forward and he can organise himself as he doesnt like anything you make.

YADNBU!! This would last about 1 day in my house (I'm not the cook, but my husband does not take well to criticism from the kids!)

I'm really interested to hear what you're having for dinner, that lunch sounds lush!

Not making excuses for your DH but do you suspect hes on the spectrum? My DS with ASD is EXACTLY like this. Very limited food. Must be cooked a certain way. Muest be served a certain way. Must not have anything added he wont expect. If its food we have had before it must be served exactly the way it was before. Hes 22 and if we are eating something weve had before, i will serve it to him . If we want something different , i keep a store cupboard of bland food for him and will tell him at lunchtime he needs to cook his own food. He lives with his dad at the mo, but his dad follows the same pattern. The point is- NO excuses. You are not a servant. If he doesnt like what you cook, he cooks himself and shuts the Hell up !!!

You're enabling this fucking great manchild by pandering to him. There's not a chance in hell i would be making any food for him ever again. But then my dh wouldn't be that bloody rude. You and your son should eat together and the big baby can feed himself.

This angers me immensely!! I look after children who can sometimes be like this and it irks me but I persevere (and they’re learning!) but they’re children!!

It has to be one of my biggest pet peeves as I really enjoy food. Almost all food! I’m so glad I have a partner who is the same. He genuinely enjoys all food and is really greatful of anything I make. He also cooks half the meals and I am greatful to him! I really don’t think I could put up with a man like yours!

You need to go on strike. If he wants beige freezer food or whatever he can throw that in himself at his convenience. You and your son should eat at a different time and you set the example for your son. Don’t even attempt to plate him up anything!
Does he cook for you? If not why not. Don’t live like this, OP. Hopefully you finally snapping means you’re not doing it anymore.

YANBU x a million.
If anyone dared to criticise my cooking or behave in such an ill mannered way I would never cook for them again for the rest of my life.
Never.......and I mean that. WTF.

My husband only ever complained once about a meal I cooked - Spag Bol. He kept pushing it around his plate saying it didn't taste the same as others I had made in the past. Kept saying 'You must of done something different' told him no each time. After about the 6th time asking what I had done differently. I got up and picked his plate up and threw his plate & food in the bin then sat back down and finished mine. I never cooked another meal for about 3 weeks. When he arrived home from work & asked what was for dinner? My reply was always 'Whatever your cooking'. He never complained again as he knew I would go on strike.

I always think that I'm not a fussy eater, but I don't like the sound of stew over/with a JP.

But then I'd be involved so that I had the stew with what I would prefer.

As for tipping a meal from a dish to a plate!

Or Id be cooking what I want to eat and if they don't eat it they can all bloody starve.

Cook for you and DS, DH cooks for himself but make sure you can prepare your meals around the bomb site he is creating in the kitchen.

he can cook, but gets ridiculously stressed by it and also takes 3 hours to make anything

So? Let him get stressed and waste his own time faffing about the kitchen. Stop running about after this great big lummoxing man child. He will either buck up his ideas or become so weak with hunger he won't be able to complain, win win in my book OP.

YANBU!!

I have this on a much smaller scale from my DH and our youngest son. DS copies daddy, of course. I have served many meals over the years and had them declared "scary/weird looking/I don't like it" etc before even trying it, from DH!!! He has ADHD and was pretty much forced to stay at the table until all food was eaten as a child, which had the opposite intended affect of making him outrageously picky. When he was in the forces and eating in the mess, he'd have the same two meals over and over.
When we moved in together, his ridiculousness with food became apparent. Similar to your DH, it will take him hours and hours to make a simple meal. And I have very little patience for any of it. I am a good cook and I know I am. DH will still make little aside comments when he's finished his food and picked out every bit of onion, tomato or "suspicious looking bit" and moved it to one side. Like "I ate all the good bits." But I did absolutely explode about four years ago when I made a curry and apparently committed the ultimate sin by mistakenly leaving a cardamom pod in the rice, which ended up on DH's plate. You'd think he'd found a cockroach in his food, the way he reacted. Pushing it away in horror, theatrically pressing his hand to his mouth, repeating "oh my god, what is that in the rice??" Freakiing out all three kids. Patiently explained it was a cardamom pod, removed it from his plate and he looked at the whole meal with utter revulsion and said "there is no way I can eat that." I said "then there is no way you're being cooked another meal by me ever again!"
Then lots of half hiss, half shriek type explosion at him about how he's a picky, selfish guy who is affecting our kids and making me feel under appreciated and evil for making sure he has good food to eat, and unless he shapes up his attitude and stops acting like a spoilt brat, he can cook his own food.
He ate his dinner, but there have been many occasions where I've not cooked for him because he's been a twat about it

Surely he can manage to make his sandwich and nuggets in less than 3 hours, stop cooking for him. Even if it is some kind of sensory issue - then he can decide what he can manage and cook accordingly.

Your dh should be banished from the dinner table until he can grow the fuck up and act like an adult.
He can make his own shit food after you and ds have eaten.

1. he won’t be there to influence ds.
2. he can cook his own food after you’ve eaten and wash up after.
3. Less food for you to make. He’s pathetic!

For anyone suggesting DH might be ‘on the spectrum’ he definitely isn’t. He is very easy going about everything else, no strict routines etc. He’s just fussy and has some weird hang ups around food.
@PedrosPony tonight is tagliatelle with prawns, cherry tomatoes and garlic oil!

YABU to prepare any food for him at all. Not even ham sandwiches.

Get him frozen pizzas, fish fingers, pies and chicken nuggets with a bag of chips. Tell him he has to make his own. You'll cook for you and child(ren). Moaners cook for themselves!

Why, just why do people -women- put up with this. Just why. So, so happy I'm single.

Stop cooking, simple. Just make ds food, take it or leave it.