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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to have finally snapped?

595 replies

ChilliWillies · 11/02/2021 13:35

Strap yourself in, this will be long. I’ve also name changed as what I’ll write is so identifying if you know me.
DH is a fussy eater. He claims he isn’t and that I’m the ‘weird’ one as I eat almost anything. DS6 is also going through a phase of saying he ‘hates’ the food I’ve made. For the record, I’m a good cook and am often complimented on my food.
I have managed to expand DH’s very limited palate over a lot of years so we can have less boring food, but any new recipe is met with suspicion. I can almost accept this, but what is CANNOT handle is that he changes his fucking mind! Something I made last week that he really enjoyed, this week ‘tastes awful’. I never know if he will like something that week or not. He also has form for getting annoyed about how food is served - I served curry and rice in big pasta bowls once and he made a big performance of tipping it all out onto a plate before he would eat it. I am the only cook - he can cook, but gets ridiculously stressed by it and also takes 3 hours to make anything.
Last night, I put dinner on the table, DS said ‘yuck, I hate this’ (he doesn’t, he loved it last week, getting this behaviour from his dad 😡) and left the table. DH poked at it dubiously, tried a bit and said ‘this is really bad’. It was some Sicilian Lamb Stew, leftover from the week before, that I’d frozen and then defrosted yesterday, served over a jacket potato. I explained he had liked it last time, and he said ‘what, with a jacket potato?’ I explained last time I’d served it with mashed potato and he literally said ‘oh that will be it then, you shouldn’t serve it with a jacket potato’!!!! 😡🙄. As if that would change the taste of the stew completely.
So, I actually lost it, stormed out, went to the shop and bought crappy white sliced bread, (he will moan if I buy unsliced bread, or anything with healthy seeds and grains in it) cheap ham, burgers, chicken nuggets and chips. When I got hone, I told him that’s what they were getting from now on, I give up.
He clearly didn’t believe me, because when I made lunch just now I made them plain ham sandwiches and made myself a new chicken story fry with peanut noodles recipe I’d been wanting to try. He’s got the right hump and is now not speaking to me.
So, we’ll done for getting this far. AIBU for subjecting to them to ham sandwiches and beige food for at least two weeks until they realise how good they had it?

OP posts:
ScaredOfDinosaurs · 11/02/2021 14:07

The vote is currently 96% in your favour. I'm just wondering who the 4% saying YABU are!!

Honestly though, do not give in. He can make his own beige crap from now on. How you have not divorced him already is beyond me.

But please don't give up on your son, he is young and only copying his moron of a father.

SchrodingersImmigrant · 11/02/2021 14:09

I'm just wondering who the 4% saying YABU are!!
Inlaws😂

Tal45 · 11/02/2021 14:09

Your food sounds delicious, you can always bring it round here if you want someone to appreciate it!

rawalpindithelabrador · 11/02/2021 14:10

YABU to serve him or make him FA. He makes his own food from now on and buys it, too. Tough shit it if stresses him or takes him 3 hours. Stop pandering to this rude, ungrateful behaviour.

SchrodingersImmigrant · 11/02/2021 14:10

@ChilliWillies

Thanks everyone glad I’m not going nuts. I won’t keep DS on beige food for long, it’s just as a lesson, until he gets bored with it. I’m also still making sure he’s eating plenty of fruit etc as snacks.
I would be careful so he doesn't get used to it so I would slip him in some extras on a plate as well even if it's just 2 spoonfuls of what you are having
Morgoth · 11/02/2021 14:11

YANBU! I would be incandescent over his childish and neurotic behaviour, especially in front of your DS who is picking this all up!

You have the patience of a saint OP. Fussy/picky eaters is my only relationship dealbreaker. Drives me up the wall!

rawalpindithelabrador · 11/02/2021 14:12

@Morgoth

YANBU! I would be incandescent over his childish and neurotic behaviour, especially in front of your DS who is picking this all up!

You have the patience of a saint OP. Fussy/picky eaters is my only relationship dealbreaker. Drives me up the wall!

Yeah, I ditched fussy and picky eaters, too. Wasn't my only dealbreaker, though Grin.
HunterAngel · 11/02/2021 14:13

About time DH made his own meals I think...

Honestly OP how you’ve managed not to kill him is incredible and I applaud your restraint. I’d have let him starve!

DaphneDuBois · 11/02/2021 14:14

Absolutely with you on this. He seems to think he’s in a restaurant. He’s an adult - if the food isn’t up to his exacting standards then he’d be best making his own!

BarbaraofSeville · 11/02/2021 14:15

Why are you pandering to an adult?

Obviously you need to feed DS, but for DH, just say to him, 'I'm making X, do you want some'.

If he says yes. Fine.

If he says yes, and changes his mind, eat it yourself for lunch or dinner the next day, or put it in the freezer for later.

If he says no, then give the matter no more thought whatsoever. Let him tie himself in knots trying to hit the moving target of what he will actually eat.

forrestgreen · 11/02/2021 14:17

I'd eat with you and Ds so he doesn't pick up his dads rubbish ideas.
I'd batch cook something your dh likes, and he can get stuff out of the freezer for himself.
If he complains about that then I'd completely not cook for him (until he begs)

Iloveacurry · 11/02/2021 14:17

Stop cooking for him. Let him take 3 hours to cook something for himself.

unmarkedbythat · 11/02/2021 14:17

Feed your child, let your husband do his own thing, relax a little, it's just food.

frazzledasarock · 11/02/2021 14:17

How old is your DS?

I would have stopped cooking for him the day he first made a negative comment.

I'd not cook for him ever again.

I'd cook for DS only if he apologised and asked politely and agreed not to be rude about my cooking again.

frazzledasarock · 11/02/2021 14:18

to be clear I would make H sandwiches either, he can shop and cook/make sandwiches for himself.

frazzledasarock · 11/02/2021 14:19

would not

NeverAgain2021 · 11/02/2021 14:19

Just to be a little controversial there is something called ARFID

www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/learn/by-eating-disorder/arfid

It is a recognised eating disorder and if often goes hand in hand with autism.

However, you can have almost no signs of autism but still have this.

It's a sensory thing.

I have a cousin with it. He will mostly only eat beige food. And he has problems with textures and mixing things. He likes the same foods over and over. He eats quite a wide range of foods from what I've heard - but really doesn't like to try new foods and switches in and out of liking foods and then going off them again.

Really likes repetition and no surprises.

What was your husband like as a child? You'll probably find all your answers there...

that said, just hand over his menu and diet to himself. Let him buy everything and cook everything he wants to eat and provide for the rest of the family yourself.

PegasusReturns · 11/02/2021 14:20

Stop shopping and cooking for him.

rawalpindithelabrador · 11/02/2021 14:20

@frazzledasarock

How old is your DS?

I would have stopped cooking for him the day he first made a negative comment.

I'd not cook for him ever again.

I'd cook for DS only if he apologised and asked politely and agreed not to be rude about my cooking again.

Yep! Personally fussy/picky eaters were a dealbreaker but now you're saddled with one, stop giving it your time.
strawberriesontheNeva · 11/02/2021 14:22

Let the lazy bastard cook his own meals ffs.

C152 · 11/02/2021 14:23

YANBU. Let your DH cook for himself from now on, while you enjoy delicious meals. And a prompt about manners may be due - it's not appropriate for him to be teaching your child to be rude about food that other people make him, even if it's not to their taste.

WeeMadArthur · 11/02/2021 14:25

Another vote for cooking for yourself and DS and leaving your DH to feed himself.

userxx · 11/02/2021 14:25

He'd have been wearing the stew.

WhySoSensitive · 11/02/2021 14:26

That’s not a fussy eater, that’s a rude an ungrateful person.

torquewench · 11/02/2021 14:27

Fuck that for a game of soldiers, let him sort his own boring meals out. I like to be able to taste something when I eat. My dad (who Ive never known cook anything, ever, except maybe tins of soup, in 50 years) took salad to work for his lunch, every. single. day.😴 He once complained that he didnt like the way my mum dried his salad leaves in the salad spinner. End result was he made his own salads for the next 25-odd years 🤣