AIBU to have finally snapped?

[ChilliWillies]

Strap yourself in, this will be long. I’ve also name changed as what I’ll write is so identifying if you know me.
DH is a fussy eater. He claims he isn’t and that I’m the ‘weird’ one as I eat almost anything. DS6 is also going through a phase of saying he ‘hates’ the food I’ve made. For the record, I’m a good cook and am often complimented on my food.
I have managed to expand DH’s very limited palate over a lot of years so we can have less boring food, but any new recipe is met with suspicion. I can almost accept this, but what is CANNOT handle is that he changes his fucking mind! Something I made last week that he really enjoyed, this week ‘tastes awful’. I never know if he will like something that week or not. He also has form for getting annoyed about how food is served - I served curry and rice in big pasta bowls once and he made a big performance of tipping it all out onto a plate before he would eat it. I am the only cook - he can cook, but gets ridiculously stressed by it and also takes 3 hours to make anything.
Last night, I put dinner on the table, DS said ‘yuck, I hate this’ (he doesn’t, he loved it last week, getting this behaviour from his dad 😡) and left the table. DH poked at it dubiously, tried a bit and said ‘this is really bad’. It was some Sicilian Lamb Stew, leftover from the week before, that I’d frozen and then defrosted yesterday, served over a jacket potato. I explained he had liked it last time, and he said ‘what, with a jacket potato?’ I explained last time I’d served it with mashed potato and he literally said ‘oh that will be it then, you shouldn’t serve it with a jacket potato’!!!! 😡🙄. As if that would change the taste of the stew completely.
So, I actually lost it, stormed out, went to the shop and bought crappy white sliced bread, (he will moan if I buy unsliced bread, or anything with healthy seeds and grains in it) cheap ham, burgers, chicken nuggets and chips. When I got hone, I told him that’s what they were getting from now on, I give up.
He clearly didn’t believe me, because when I made lunch just now I made them plain ham sandwiches and made myself a new chicken story fry with peanut noodles recipe I’d been wanting to try. He’s got the right hump and is now not speaking to me.
So, we’ll done for getting this far. AIBU for subjecting to them to ham sandwiches and beige food for at least two weeks until they realise how good they had it?

@shiena24 you rock 😎

😊😊

My problem would be he is moulding your son to disrespect you and your efforts. This will continue through your sons life and he will move onto do this to his own partners. It’s our job to make our children into well rounded respectful adults.

I personally couldn’t stay with him. I look forward to a nice family meal with my kids, food is there to be enjoyed and he’s ruining it for you daily. He’s sexist, arrogant and vile by the sounds of it and I’ve had an ex like that. Treats me like you know what then thinks flowers fix it. He was soo gone. I agree with others that you can’t possibly find him attractive like this and also his behaviour I would imagine extends further than meal times.

You need a good talk with yourself about whether you can live with this forever. Buying him crap food won’t change this, sounds deep rooted. He has no respect for you and you are still pandering to him by cooking crap as punishment. I would leave and enjoy the rest of your life and meal times with your impressionable DS.

Unfortunately young children never get bored with beige food. Stuck in a rut with our DGC of pasta, chicken nuggets, sausages, hot dogs etc as can't face trying to encourage 4 under 8s to try something new. It only takes one to say 'don't like' and they all decide they don't like even if they were happily eating. I do leave carrots, broccoli, cucumber etc chopped up on the kitchen table for them to help themselves and find they will gradually try some.

I can cook. I choose not to, most of the time and DH cooks. He’s not a brilliant cook but gets the job done and his food is boring. However, I suck it up, smile, thank him and eat it because the other option is me cooking which I hate doing. Your DH is taking the mickey.

It Sounds like food is a battleground and your son is picking up on the vibes and thinks he can control food/ you too. Food can be such an emotive issue .
I assume yourDH has no real food allergy/ issues/ disorders from the past?
Nothing obvious that may trigger and explain this ?
I was asked to eat something when I was a child and didn’t want to and it made me very ill so had a long time before I could eat this again. Now it’s a staple food for me but it took decades. Also some foods/ smells may trigger unhappy memories.
However if he doesn’t have these issues , I suggest you cook your delicious stuff, give him a little bit to taste, if he likes it he has a whole meal, if he doesn’t, put his portion in the fridge for him for later if he decides he wants this and eats it, or for you another day. This way it won’t get wasted and he can see that his refusal doesn’t have a hold over you.
If he doesn’t eat it remind him where the kitchen is . There is always toast and jam available for him to make under 3 hours. Or maybe have something healthy like salad so he can put this together quickly himself so you can eat as family.
Try and not make food into a battleground, although i know that is easier said than done.
Who knows what his real issues are whether to control you or a fear of foods. I assume he hasn’t had the virus and his food tasting sense has not changed?
Children can go through strange relationships with food and there can be all sorts of Reasons and I hope this doesn’t become a big thing for the future and his outbursts are a sign of frustration of the challenging times we live in rather than the start of a tricky relationship with eating. Maybe a chat with a doctor might help?
Good luck

YANBU
I would have completely lost the plot well before now. I've only ever been told maybe twice that my food wasn't nice and I felt so down about it so I can't imagine how this must feel day in day out. How ungrateful. Ok your son is a kid so he will go in and out of phases but your partner should check himself. I wouldn't be making him a dam thing. Go you! Ps- your meals sound delicious!!

stop pandering to this man - baby and teach your son how to behave so that he isn't repeating the pattern when he grows up and meets someone!

Tell him he's cooking every 2nd day. My ex told me when we moved in together that he couldn't cook and I'd need to do it. He was a panicker and would get stressed, was an awful cook and it took forever. So I said I'm only cooking for you every 2nd day if that doesn't suit I'm afraid you'll starve. He very quickly became adept. Funny that.

Sounds like my 9 go however he’s not rude about it and knows better than to have a tantrum about the food I prepare.

Loves something one day, hates it the next. I end up with four uneaten boxes of squeezie yogurts and 68 babybels.

Also his dad taught him to say that I burn everything because he only likes soft squishy food. Thankfully we don’t live with him any more...

Meal plan with your son, make it a thing that you two do together - take the OH out of it altogether. If he really 'doesn't mind' then watch him turn his nose up at something his DS has made for him...that'd take some sort of arsehole!

On the plus side it might help stop DS copying his behaviour....? And make it fun??

Is your DH on the autistic spectrum? It sounds very unusual for an adult to be this fussy. Jacket potato not mashed? Bowl not a plate? If he is (perhaps needs to be tested) you could make allowances otherwise tell him to f* off. Eat separately with your son so he doesn't pass his hang ups onto him.

If you cant eat separately pull out his portion of meat and veg halfway through a recipe and just serve it plain and dry on a plate, )finishing cooking in the microwave if need be so no hassle) he’ll soon be grateful for the finished article. It sounds like you’ve tried too hard for too long.

Actually I agree with jentinquarantino, if you’re a good cook and enjoy food he will ruin your meals forever. You need to split, sorry.

I have never enjoyed cooking but had two boys (strapping over 6ft) and dh who told me at the outset the things he didn't like, I gradually got to cook a varied diet for them growing up. Now it's just my dh and myself, we cook together having chosen meals within our cooking capabilities. I have never weaned him (never tried to) off his dislikes and cooking has become a weekend challenge for us and usually it turns out fine. If I had had to put up with OP's dh I would have definitely left or given him beans on toast every day.

He sounds like a great catch....!!!! Ugh I wouldn't do a thing, absolutely nothing for him.....

I have had this issue with my partner, he usually works away but I have had him at home since first lockdown. Easy answer give him 3 choices -

1. eat what I cook
2. cook it yourself
3. starve.

He has decided he would rather eat my Vegetarian cooking that the other two options. Problem solved.

Just cook for your DS and yourself. I would not be cooking for your DH with his attitude and behaviour.

Cook for you and DS (sod him!), involve DS in the meal planning, grab a few cookbooks, make it a weekly thing (you sound like you enjoy a good recipe, pass it on!)- DH has said 'he doesn't mind' so tell him your mixing it up a bit with and for your son, your teaching him about food, whatever, stick a 'whats on' this week on the fridge (Ds can help write it?) If he doesn't like 'whats on' that day he can help himself to whatever from the fridge/freezer....

Maybe leave one of those days free, call it 'Dads cooking'.....(obviously keep a back up for you and DS.....)

YANBU

I think all kids go through that "I hate everything" food stage. I've got 3DC - all boys - 2, 7 and 11. I do all the food shopping and cooking and they know (as does DH for that matter) that if they don't like what I've cooked; then they go to bed hungry. With the exception of me cooking something new and we all hate it. Then it's cheese toasties all round.
Why does you DH think this is acceptable behaviour when you have prepared a perfectly good meal? The fact that your son is picking up on it says a lot about him.
As hard as it is; I think you need to be stricter and let them know they either eat what you've prepared or they go hungry! End of.
Good luck OP.

How is it going this weekend OP?

Ugh I feel for you OP, I cannot stand fussy, rude fuckers when it comes to food.
It'a ok to have a limited range of foods you are happy to eat, it not however ok to day the food you have been served is awful or disgusting etc.

I have a very fussy 16 yr old who has a wide range of SN including those around food. We have worked so hard to get him to have a small range of food that he can easily cook and eat if he has tried the meal I'm making and doesn't like it.

The rules are though, there is no declarations of "YUCK THAT'S DISGUSTING!" instead a "Thanks but it's not for me, I'll make myself some beans on toast.."

I hope your DH isn't as much of an arse in other areas and that you enjoy your delicious sounding food that you make for yourself.

In our house, there is a simple choice -eat what is dished up or go without. And anyone rude about food gets asked if they want to eat it or wear it.......

I love stew and mash. I don’t like stew on a baked potato. There is a difference so he isn’t wrong there.

I’d also disagree that he is necessarily influencing your son. Sometimes kids are just picky eaters. Deal with his behaviour, blaming his dad doesn’t help with that.

I have a real issue with some textures and flavours. I’m not picky or fussy, I just prefer not gagging and throwing up when I eat. When DD and DH have something I can’t tolerate, I cook myself something else. I don’t understand why people make such a big deal about it. But, if people want to use it to make themselves feel superior, they can knock themselves out. My “dealbreaker” is with people who believe they should be able to control what other people eat.