AIBU to have finally snapped?

[ChilliWillies]

Strap yourself in, this will be long. I’ve also name changed as what I’ll write is so identifying if you know me.
DH is a fussy eater. He claims he isn’t and that I’m the ‘weird’ one as I eat almost anything. DS6 is also going through a phase of saying he ‘hates’ the food I’ve made. For the record, I’m a good cook and am often complimented on my food.
I have managed to expand DH’s very limited palate over a lot of years so we can have less boring food, but any new recipe is met with suspicion. I can almost accept this, but what is CANNOT handle is that he changes his fucking mind! Something I made last week that he really enjoyed, this week ‘tastes awful’. I never know if he will like something that week or not. He also has form for getting annoyed about how food is served - I served curry and rice in big pasta bowls once and he made a big performance of tipping it all out onto a plate before he would eat it. I am the only cook - he can cook, but gets ridiculously stressed by it and also takes 3 hours to make anything.
Last night, I put dinner on the table, DS said ‘yuck, I hate this’ (he doesn’t, he loved it last week, getting this behaviour from his dad 😡) and left the table. DH poked at it dubiously, tried a bit and said ‘this is really bad’. It was some Sicilian Lamb Stew, leftover from the week before, that I’d frozen and then defrosted yesterday, served over a jacket potato. I explained he had liked it last time, and he said ‘what, with a jacket potato?’ I explained last time I’d served it with mashed potato and he literally said ‘oh that will be it then, you shouldn’t serve it with a jacket potato’!!!! 😡🙄. As if that would change the taste of the stew completely.
So, I actually lost it, stormed out, went to the shop and bought crappy white sliced bread, (he will moan if I buy unsliced bread, or anything with healthy seeds and grains in it) cheap ham, burgers, chicken nuggets and chips. When I got hone, I told him that’s what they were getting from now on, I give up.
He clearly didn’t believe me, because when I made lunch just now I made them plain ham sandwiches and made myself a new chicken story fry with peanut noodles recipe I’d been wanting to try. He’s got the right hump and is now not speaking to me.
So, we’ll done for getting this far. AIBU for subjecting to them to ham sandwiches and beige food for at least two weeks until they realise how good they had it?

The rudeness!

I'd let him cook for him self and maybe consider not having him and your son eat together for a bit, sounds like his terrible habits around food are rubbing off on your son.

Sicilian lamp stew sounds delicious - with jacket potatoes, mash, rice, couscous, dauphinoise, new potatoes, gnochi, roast potatoes....
Pasta doesn't sound right, but I'd try it.
Not all at the same time.

Let him make his own sandwiches

Bit of a risk, only giving DS bland food for a while? I suspect he might rather enjoy that, then you’ve created even more work for yourself, getting him to try interesting food again.

Pp suggested you eat with DS - well away from DH’s negative whinging - and give him the same as you have. I agree. Don’t tar DS with the same brush as DH when he’s only little and has been set a terrible example by his father.

But DH can fuck right off. I’d never cook for him again (unless grovelling apology and complete U-turn in attitude).

@ChilliWillies

Your husband is very manipulative, he does it on purpose to take so long preparing,cooking family food,
What he is doing is making himself appear child like.
so you will rush in and come to his rescue etc.

He knows exactly what he is doing op.

Frankly having him as a husband must be like having a grown up man child extra to look after.

You are like his mother !

(No wonder you find this current situation to much to cope with op.

In future either split cooking duties one week you do the cooking and the next week he does the share of cooking,

Or as a couple you share cooking duties each week.
(Obviously your husband and child need to get more involved in menu planning etc.
such as checking the internet/supermarket mags etc for inspiring ideas to prepare/cook etc.

I think you think you have the right at the moment got the right idea,of the beige menu thing.

Continue this beige menu idea until they appreciate more what you do for them,how much hard work it is cooking for ungrateful members of family.

I do think it be beneficial if you just only cooked meals for yourself and your son now on.

And your husband to get fed up of beige food and then he will have no choice and have to prepare/cook food for himself only.

Be more assertive and stick to this idea/plan.

So much easier for you op.
And it makes so much sense too.

Best of Luck
You need it by the sounds of it too.

Yanbu

You continue making meals for yourself, and give a little to your ds to try. If he doesn't like it, then he has the back up of his dads meals that he is making for himself.

If he behaves like a child, treat him like one.

If he is abusive about the food he is served (and telling you one week something tastes great but the next the same thing is awful, could well be classed as emotional abuse) then you have every right to respond accordingly to the behaviour he is displaying. Especially if your son is learning from him how its ok to be disrespectful to you.

The rules are you eat what you are given. If you don't like it, you have a choice to either go hungry or to do the cooking in future yourself. No middle ground.

And no don't even make him sandwiches. You are not his cook and waitress service.

YABU for cooking for your husband, knowing what he's like. Let him cook for himself. He's also teaching your child bad manners/food habits.

Yanbu me and my husband have different tastes so we cook for ourselves. We cook for each other or cook together if it's one of the meals we both like. Just let your husband fend for himself if he's going to be annoying and ungrateful about your cooking.

Cook for yourself and DS. Leave DH to feed himself, rude ungrateful tosser.

and cancel the cheque

Cook for you

DH can go fuck himself
Child eats what you make or goes hungry or can eat DHs food.

The worst thing here is the impact on your son. Personally I wouldn't do the beige thing because the stuff is salty and sugary and addictive so it'll be a hard slog to get him back onto normal food.

Id cook for you and ds and I'd refuse to buy or cook food for DH. Id also so separate meal times so he couldnt influence ds.

Yanbu for snapping but yabu for catering to your husband for this long when he doesn't help and is ungrateful and rude about it.

In future you should cook for you and your ds, leave dh to cook for himself if he doesn't want what you're having.

Oh, for god's sake. Why are you bothered? If you put food in front of him and he doesn't like it, say 'OK then, there's bread in the freezer and cheese in the fridge, if you're hungry.'

Put his food in the fridge and have it for your lunch tomorrow.

YABU to keep trying to please someone who moves the goalposts all the time. Let him keep moving them, but to his inconvenience, not yours. If your son is saying he doesn't like things when he does, just to copy his dad, let him get on with it. He'll be sick of cheese sandwiches within a week, and want some of Mum's cooking.

Just. Stop. Cooking.

Seriously.

Tell them they obviously don't like anything you make so they are in charge of their own menus from now on. Includes shopping for them as well.

@WalkingMeAway

Why are you continuing to make lunch for him?

Let him do it himself !

I would never have made anything ever aain from the first time he did this.

He is a grown man -he makes his own meal and cooks it and clean it up.

If DS doesn't want what you make -tell him fine -get DH to cook for you. You are NOT your husband's or child's servant. Absolutely disgusting behaviour from both of them.

Yabu for not having done this sooner.

But did you fart??

Stop cooking for him. YABU, but only because you are co-creating this situation.

Also I agree with don't buy anything -don't cook anything -don't clear up. I'd be 'Roger that, over and out' over their behaviour.
But I would not be storming to the shops to buy or replace foods. And I'd be making it clear they do not help themselves to anything that I have brought -they have opted out of family meals -they get to do it all alone.

My kids try to be fussy like this, but I simply don't tolerate it. Unless they're cooking they can eat it or starve.

Don't pander to either of them anymore. At all!

Stop cooking for your husband. Tell your son that when you're rude about someone elses cooking you cant expect them to keep cooking for you and he either appreciated your cooking or you wont cook for him either. If he continues then your husband can cook for them both. And you can have nice meals for you.

[quote ChilliWillies]@PlanDeRaccordement I ask them both when I do the meal plan, DS always asks for the same lunch on Saturday, which I make, DH literally says ‘you know me, I don’t mind’😱!!! He contributes no ideas but moans if the meal rotations get too boring 😡[/quote]
I would have to say 'I do know you and you do mind!'

Also, after the Great Beige Punishment Week is over, tell him from now on you're alternating days, you cook one day, he cooks the next. Be sure to be as forthright about his cooking process as he's always been about yours. Do not go back to doing all the cooking and taking the flack. Do not crack when dinner isn't ready till 9pm (though have secret snacks available). It's the only way.

If there's a possibility that either of them have sensory issues then that could affect how they should learn to deal with this, but it is not your job to teach a grown man how to behave. It can be very hard for an adult to learn that they are the odd one out, but your DH really isn't in the range of"normal" behaviour. If he does have sensory issues then he should accept that about himself and learn to navigate around them. Otherwise he's being a very controlling arse.

Yanbu to stop cooking for your husband - but stop cooking altogether though. He can buy the beige food himself.

But yabu to stop cooking for your son. It’s important you expand his palette and if you cook food for him that your DH isn’t eating, your son will no longer be influenced by your DH’s childish comments and horrific negativity.

What a tool your husband is and what a bad example he’s showing your son. I’m terrified of spiders but in front of my children I am the adult and try not to let my fear show (no I’m not hugging and kissing the spider but I pretend not to notice it). Your husband should be pretending to like or at least tolerate the food for your child’s sake. Pathetic man.