to not want to live in a gaming cafe

[bombastical]

I’d like to know if I’m being unreasonable because I’m thinking of leaving my marriage because of this.

I have a 20 year plus DH and two primary aged boys. All of them are addicted to gaming. Evenings and weekends are dominated by it. Friday night 3pm onwards is game night. Saturday 7am onwards through to when they go to school. It’s all they want to do. Last weekend my eldest spent 12 hours plus staring at a screen. YouTube to PlayStation to phone. My husband is the same. He’s often sat next to me playing a game on his iPad.

I feel left out and the odd one out in my own family and I don’t know what to do. Pre Covid I “did my own thing” and went out lots to see friends or amused myself in the house or sometimes joined in. My issue is that gaming just isn’t my thing. I try but I find it really boring! I’ve even got a Fortnite account so I have tried. AIBU to want a console/gaming free life? I negotiate. I drag them out for a walk (literally drag). I try engaging them in other things but all those things (Lego, movies, whatever it is) are hard work to get them to do, last 5 minutes and mean nothing to them. It’s a drag for them because it’s interrupting gaming time. I can’t hold a conversation with my eldest. He has no interest in anything else. He will literally push past me to get to daddy to talk about gaming on and on.

My husband loves it. He is “in there” and the boys adore him and they have an absolute laugh and a ball every single weekend absorbed into whatever game they are playing.

I feel left out and worthless.

I don’t know if I’m being unreasonable to feel this way but I just want a family that wants to do things I want to do/enjoy! AIBU? I want to have a relationship and chats with my kids that don’t revolve around the PlayStation. My eldest doesn’t care if I’m in the house or not. I could be gone forever and he wouldn’t even notice. He told me so yesterday. I just don’t see the point of the weekend anymore. I’d like some perspective on my situation please. I’m thinking of leaving and starting from scratch. On the weekends I have the kids I’d have no consoles and we’d do other things but then I think when they get to be older and can choose where to go I’m never going to see them. I feel like I’m in a no win situation. I’m sick of feeling like crap and I’m sick of being second best to computer games. This isn’t the life I wanted. Surely there’s more to being a family than this?

Any progress OP?

I would definitely get legal advice and start divorce proceedings. If it would be easier for you then leave, but I would suggest that your H leaves the marital home. He probably won’t though, based on your posts here. So get your ducks in a row and start moving forward.

If you leave you can attempt to get them into team sports, riding, sailing, scouts etc. They might find something healthier than gaming they enjoy. At the very least you will give them a more normal and healthier childhood - as well as demonstrating that the way your DH treats you is unacceptable and hopefully stop them copying him.

Let them do a very limited amount of gaming with their friends. Worst case if they get to the age they want to spend all their time gaming and will go to Dads to do it you could give up and let them do it at your place. At least then you still have some influence. Doesn't sound like you have any now.

Your dh doesn’t want to meet you half way or even a quarter of the way. The atmosphere in your house sounds awful. Personally I would leave. You might not be able to do anything when they’re with their dad but you can enforce boundaries without them being overwritten by the supposed other adult in the house.

OP, I'm sorry to hear you're dealing with this. It sounds like your DH is very unsupportive and quite abusive if you don't want to turn of the broadband out of fear of him saying awful things.
Like some others here, DH and I are both gamers. However we only game in the evenings or weekends. On weekends/days off, gaming only commences after chores/cooking/groceries are done and we make an agreement as to when we finish so that we can spend quality time together. We game individually and respect its our hobby but if it was a detriment to our relationship then the PC and console would be away. He is being completely unfair and seriously needs to grow up by the sound of it. You, your relationship and your family are way more important than gaming and if he can't see that then he doesn't deserve you.