Would you choose to have children again knowing what you know now or would you choose childfree?

[Greenland21]

Just that really. If you have children would you make the same decision again or would you decide to stay childfree? Would you think differently because of Covid? Do you think less women will have children now?

I’m still early on in the process but I don’t regret having my daughter who is 2. I had postnatal depression though & it was a miserable experience & I definitely questioned my decision at times. I’m surprised so many people are saying they can’t see how Covid would affect their decision. We still don’t know what the after effects of this will be or if pandemics will become more common in the future. If I was desperate for another child Covid wouldn’t stop me but it certainly would deter me from having another if I was on the fence. I am older & have often wondered about coping with a child with additional needs as I have worked in a SEN setting in the past. All I can say to those parents is that I can fully imagine how you might have regrets in that scenario & there should be no judgement about this. Some people have no idea how hard it could be. For a number of reasons we will be sticking with one.

I have 2 and would like one more. Currently ttc. Being off school and nursery has been HARD and I’ve been driven to distraction however these aren’t normal times and they’ll pass. Things will get easier soon and I
hope to be pregnant in the next few months.

DD was and still is my dream come true. She is a great kid (teenager) and I love being mum. I think it helps that I was an older mum who lived a full life before DD came along and I have only one. I knew that I couldn't cope with more for emotional, financial and physical reasons. Definately a heart and head decision when and how many children to have.

Childfree.

Not COVID related at all.

I've got one at 21 and one at 9 love them of course but knowing what I know.

I certainly wouldn't get married either

@BuggerBognor
One of the reasons I’m sticking at one child is that I find parenting a NT child tricky enough and am not sure how I would cope with a second child anyway, and even more so if I were faced with a second child with additional needs. I do have a history of anxiety /MH issues myself.

I have a couple of friends / acquaintances who have severely disabled children and see the impact it has on them and how their lives have completely, utterly changed, so although I don’t claim to fully understand I know life is far from a bed of roses for many parents of children with additional needs and I have nothing but respect for them.

For me it’s about recognising my limits, I feel happy & stable with one child and genuinely enjoy having my child in my life, but I accept that more kids would seriously test me so I’m not prepared to roll the dice again and risk becoming someone who regrets having kids.

I still have family members who don’t respect that though & think I’m selfish & that everyone should have 2/3 kids regardless of the circumstances

We've had a difficult pandemic. But I'd still have my kids in a heartbeat. The few moments of joy in the past 12 months have all been about them.

I never wanted to be a Mum and I never felt very maternal. My DS was an unexpected surprise and I wouldn't change him for the world. I wish things were different and I could have had more.

I would have had more!

My daughter has just had her fourth baby. Though the world has many troubles, not just covid, it is a better place because of her.

I am old so I didn’t have the luxury of waiting but I really, really wish it wasn’t lockdown.

My 8 week old won’t nap so filling the days are just awful. We get up at 7, then DH gets in at 6, then ds and I are in bed for 8 (and those two hours are spent with one hour tag teaming so we both eat and then I bath baby and start trying to get him to sleep.)

So for five days a week I’m locked up with an angry 8 week old which is really getting me down.

No change here. I was an older mum with a good career, great relationship and fantastic life but DD is the best thing I have ever done.

The constant worry breaks me.

@BuggerBognor WNTTAK changed my life. I read it before I had kids, and it didn't change my desire for them. But it opened my eyes to the emotional and social fuckery that is motherhood, and to the absolute, bonded duty that every mother retains no matter what. Well that's what I took from the ending anyway.

I have 3 and they are all teens now (oldest 18) and yes, I would do it again, and no, Covid wouldn't make any difference.

But I really have had some days/weeks when it is emotionally too much. Teenagers have been hard, not because they were bad kids but becuase we have had to deal with some massive issues, especially identity, ASD, anxiety etc. It has been much much tougher emotionally than I ever thought.

But I also look to the future, and I am enjoying developing my job, and look forward o time in the future when they have all gone and I can spend more time doing what dh and I want (saving up for a camper van)
I see them going off into their futures and I look forward to having them around in a different way and having a relationship with them all as adults too.

Literally couldn't be without mine.

I’d be child free. Nothing to do with COVID though. Terrible PND that has never really gone away, wrong father for them and now I’m a single parent and struggling, not how I envisaged having children would be.