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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you choose to have children again knowing what you know now or would you choose childfree?

192 replies

Greenland21 · 10/02/2021 19:53

Just that really. If you have children would you make the same decision again or would you decide to stay childfree? Would you think differently because of Covid? Do you think less women will have children now?

OP posts:
enchantedspleen · 10/02/2021 21:03

I only wish I had had my baby sooner. I love the bones of her. Giving birth during lockdown #1 was a nightmare though.

XelaM · 10/02/2021 21:06

My daughter is the absolutely best thing that ever happened to me. Would have many more kids actually - if they could all be like her

littlemisslozza · 10/02/2021 21:06

I would definitely still have children but would travel more first. Didn't have the travel bug in my twenties and had DS1 at 26, (planned). In hindsight a couple of extra years of doing whatever I liked would have been fun, but then I didn't feel like that at the time! So many places to go now, once we're allowed...

MarshaBradyo · 10/02/2021 21:07

Still the same

Soontobe60 · 10/02/2021 21:10

Just like I have no idea what it would be like to be child free as an adult from the age of 25, women who do not have children, either by choice or not, don't know what its like to have a child. NB - I don’t include women who are parents although may not have given birth themselves in this group.
It’s very very hard to say what you would choose when you no longer have a choice. If I DID have a choice, I would have had another child.

Clangerschick · 10/02/2021 21:15

Have got four children, last one was born in October so in lockdown. Have actually found it very refreshing not to have the pressure of getting out and about to toddler groups/ soft play centres/ baby massage/ school run etc every day with this baby as opposed to the others so lockdown /covid has changed my experience this time but for the better. I adore all four of them ( from the 4 month old to my eldest who is 18) and they bring such joy daily to my life there’s no way in hindsight that I would have chosen to remain childless.

Bubbinsmakesthree · 10/02/2021 21:16

I’m only 7 years into parenting my two so I could yet change my mind (!!) but not a single regret and covid has only made me more grateful for them. I think I would have found the last year much harder without the sense of purpose that comes with being responsible for two small people. They bring a lot of joy and laughter, as well as the daily annoyances which have kept me occupied while the world has gone to pieces.

zaffa · 10/02/2021 21:16

I had DD late at 37 - so I had a fair idea of a child free life and I was very happy in it. On reflection, I was nowhere near as happy as I am now with my baby. She is the light of my life and a constant delight. I would absolutely do every step of it again, but I'd start younger and have more babies as long as one of them was still DD. Even when she plays with (pulls) my hair and 'pats' my face quite firmly she is still my favorite person. DH comes a close second though Grin

ellesbellesxxx · 10/02/2021 21:19

I have 3.5 year old twins and would do it all over again in a heart beat.

Dopeyduck · 10/02/2021 21:23

Life with DS is often chaotic and a struggle but I’d chose the same path again. He’s my everything and I hope I’m never without him.

Oooohbehave · 10/02/2021 21:24

No I wouldn't change it. Having children is the best decision I've ever made. If I was younger I'd probably go for a 3rd.

SSCCLL · 10/02/2021 21:24

I would rather not have any. Have 2.

Emeraldshamrock · 10/02/2021 21:25

I have two they're great. I can't deny I've have my moments throughout this lockdown thinking what if? I'd a real teary wobble yesterday. I hope DD puts serious thought into being a parent knowing her option's.
I'm frayed and feel like a shit parent lately unmotivated and overwhelmed it is making my mind wonder.

usernamenotavailible · 10/02/2021 21:25

I’d only have one - not because I don’t love my second child, I absolutely do, but neither of my children are really suited to being siblings.

Hortuslover · 10/02/2021 21:28

I’d choose childfr

JackieweaverhasALLtheauthority · 10/02/2021 21:28

I would have more
My children have been a delight and a blessing on my life

rhowton · 10/02/2021 21:28

Now I know my girls, I really don't think I could go back. I would love to, but I really can't!

I have realised that I am not cut out to be a parent and I don't particularly enjoy it. I love them though and I think they're the greatest humans!! What I really don't like is the level of responsibility.

Besom · 10/02/2021 21:29

Wouldn't change no.

Emeraldshamrock · 10/02/2021 21:31

I'm going to be extra mean I should have stuck with one.
DD was a lovely baby, toddler, child. I haven't spent much time alone with her since DS my stalker was born 6 years ago.

fibeee · 10/02/2021 21:32

I love my baby girl more than anything. I had a traumatic birth, haven’t had a decent sleep in months and feel completely overwhelmed. But I would do it all again just to have her in my life.

drkpl · 10/02/2021 21:33

I wouldn’t change a thing. We have put off having another child due to the pandemic though. It’s not an issue for us as it makes sense in terms of my career and we’re young enough to wait quite a while. I just don’t want the stress of being pregnant and having another baby during these unpredictable times.

Respectabitch · 10/02/2021 21:34

I think I would have found the last year much harder without the sense of purpose that comes with being responsible for two small people. They bring a lot of joy and laughter, as well as the daily annoyances which have kept me occupied while the world has gone to pieces.

Yeah, lockdown has been physically hard in some ways (and they've been doing my head in this week) but I wouldn't be surprised if my mental health were actually in a worse place during all of this without them. They make me laugh, they give structure and purpose and clarity. My mental health is better and more stable post DC. I know that's not the same for everybody, but something about the raw simplicity and need of the relationship and the fact it doesn't give me much time to ruminate because shit needs done works for me.

3rdNamechange · 10/02/2021 21:44

Definitely would be child free.

MrsToadlike · 10/02/2021 21:45

Would absolutely do it again, no doubt. I love my toddler so much it still takes my breath away. DC was 8 months when Covid broke out and we went into lockdown; I am so glad I had my baby when I did. Being a mum has given me a purpose during lockdown and I hate to think what would have happened if I'd gone through lockdown without a child. I genuinely think my mental health would have been massively affected. My husband feels the same.

DC wasn't planned but a wonderful surprise at 30. Thank god for wonderful surprises.

Unsure33 · 10/02/2021 21:57

I would have more . Had 2 wanted 3 .

Not one single regret .