Would you choose to have children again knowing what you know now or would you choose childfree?

[Greenland21]

Just that really. If you have children would you make the same decision again or would you decide to stay childfree? Would you think differently because of Covid? Do you think less women will have children now?

If 28 year old me knew ahead of time what having children would do to my body and my earnings, I doubt she'd have chosen to have children. The results of my tgraumatic pregnancies and birth have affected me badly.

But that doesn't mean I don't love the very bones of them and value all they've brought to our lives and the world in the last 20 years.

I thought I never wanted kids. Now I have them, I can't BELIEVE there was a chance I would have gone through life without having kids. I adore them. I'm so grateful for them. I wouldn't change a thing.

As someone that is struggling with the fact I'm never going to have children, why have some people said they would not have had them?
Might make me feel better

Life was good before my DD but it is a million times better with her in it now, no question.

Defintely have her again, she’s the best thing To ever happen.

I can’t comment on Covid making a difference as I’m 52 but can’t imagine it would have.

I would still have had children but that’s because I had them in the late 80’s/early 90s. I wouldn’t want them now, not because of covid but because I don’t like the direction society is going in.

The way social media is so dominant in everyone’s lives. My DD was telling me how one of her friendships has become difficult as her friend keeps going on about Instagram and her “brand”, she’s not famous, it’s all pretty narcissistic.

I don’t like the way some people’s “rights” trumps the safety of others, usually women. Like how a rapist was able to claim to be a woman, go into a women’s prison and rape other women. How did we allow that to happen?

I also feel we’ve become more materialistic than ever, but at the same time young people have less and less of a chance to buy a home. Society is much more unbalanced with some people being paid ridiculous amounts and other people relying on food banks. I feel like 40 years ago most people fell under an “average” income and there were far less extremes.

That’s before you even go into the major things affecting the world, like climate change.

So yes I don’t think I’d want to bring a child into the world today. Because I fear everything will be even worse in 20 years time, just as they were hitting adulthood. Neither of my DC particularly want children of their own and `I’m not even sad about it. Honestly, more relieved probably.

The trouble is, you can't tell anyone anything...

I have a large family, and today I'd be choosing not to have children if I could have my time over. I'm seriously stressed over two of my adult DC who are in relationship difficulties and I'm worried about how unhappy they are.

I'm utterly pissed off with the rude teenager who lives at home.

Given my time over, today I would choose to be child free. And single.

But obviously if you took me back to being a 20 something instead of a 50 something and without that knowledge in my head I'd still choose to have children. A 20 something with a 50year old's experience? Nope. I'd probably be single and career orientated.

I would do it all again in a heartbeat, children are the only thing I ever really wanted out of life and while they are hard work I wouldn’t change my decision

Definitely childfree.

I would still choose to have my DC if I could turn the clock back.

But, there’s a few factors that probably influence my opinion:

• I only have 1 child
• I have a hands on, supportive, DH
• Financially stable, had carved out a good career I could return to part time before having DC
• DC is (so far at least) relatively easy & good natured, no additional issues
• We have supportive, hands on, grandparents locally

I love being a Mum and I love my 14 yo DS who is amazing. Even though I am now a single parent I wouldn’t change a thing - well I might get rid of the husband a bit sooner if I had my time again 😀

I love the bones of my boys and would take bullet for them but if I had the chance to go back to the 27 year old me when I met their dad? I would go to a different pub.
Now that they are mostly grown and nearly making their own way I am glad to have them in my life but the teenage years with DS 1 were horrendously worrying and DS 2 has huge anxiety issues and although it is much better now at times he has completely worn me down with it.
Added to which their dad put me through hell when he upped and left and my 40's as a consequence were mostly miserable.
So in all honesty I would probably not have kids if I got to choose again knowing the impact it would have on my body, my mental health and my finances.

I love my kids both in Thier early 20s but if l could turn back time maybe I would be happier being child free. Not that l would ever tell them that 🤣

Yeah, if someone had told me about covid in 2010, I might have spent more time thinking about it, to be honest. This past year has been tough. But in 2010, I probably had enough naive idealism to think that, in the future covid crisis, it wouldn't just be me dealing with the kids all day long.

Obviously I love my kids and I wouldn't change them for the world but I had no idea before I had them how bloody hard something like this would be.

Only have one and definitely wouldn't want more but he gave meaning to my life.

I don't have children and would make the same decision again.

I love my child but hate being a parent, if that makes sense. If I’d known I’d feel like that beforehand, I might not have done it, but she’s here and she’s awesome, so I grit my teeth and take the rough with the smooth! We are one and done, though.

I’d do every second again in a heartbeat. The greatest joy and love I have ever known.

BuggerBognor another one here that knows what you are saying.

Yes to the "oh he must be good at maths".. and I hadn't seen that 'entering a house' comparison before but oh my god that was and is me since 9 year old DS learned to walk

Also just to respond to the PP that said you can still travel the world with your child... not if your child has autism and major sensory issues and is likely to have a massive meltdown on an airplane... The last time my 9 year old went on a flight was when he was a toddler.. I'd love to take him to see my extended family on the other side of the world.. I went every year as a child and am incredibly close to them.. but too terrified to try a 2 hr flight to Europe still, so a 13 hr flight probably out of the question...

I also never envisioned having to give up my career in a well paid role I loved, to become completely financially dependent on my husband.. It goes against everything I believed in.. but I needed to for my child.

I adore my children, but live with absolute terror of what will happen to them if anything happened to me, and so if I knew how my life would turn out, no I wouldn't have children.

I have 2, soon to be 3. They’re the best thing I’ve ever done, I wouldn’t change one second of it.

Absolutely yes. Best thing to ever happen to me.

I tell them that to when they ask.

100% would still have them.

I’d wished I’d have had more!

I have 4 but with a huge 12 year gap between 2 and 3. I’ve now been diagnosed with a health condition that would be fatal if I had another pregnancy and even though I wasn’t planning any more, it’s all I can think about now.

On balance, I'm glad we had her but life would have been much easier without a small child this past year.

The first year was very, very hard (terrible PND) and I could never go through that again. One child is plenty for me.

I absolutely think a childfree life can be every bit as rich and fulfilling. I don't regret having a child but I'm sure I could have been perfectly happy had we not.