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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Would you choose to have children again knowing what you know now or would you choose childfree?

192 replies

Greenland21 · 10/02/2021 19:53

Just that really. If you have children would you make the same decision again or would you decide to stay childfree? Would you think differently because of Covid? Do you think less women will have children now?

OP posts:

FlyNow · 10/02/2021 21:59

Not sure what covid has to do with it. Epidemics/pandemics occur every few years, so anyone having kids at any time knows they and their kids will experience one or more. Plus wars, climate change, other diseases, these things aren't secrets.

AIMD · 10/02/2021 22:00

I’d have them again yes. I’d maybe have had my first earlier or a slightly larger gap but I’d still have them.

kelly14 · 10/02/2021 22:01

1 million per cent would still have them, would have had more though.
I have a 15 yr old, 2 year old and 1 year old so wish I had met now husband sooner and so that my eldest daughter had a sibling or 2 to grow up with.

hansgrueber · 10/02/2021 22:01

As I don't know how my life would have been had we remained child-free I can't express an opinion and in reality nor can anyone else, we're all one or the other.

Emeraldshamrock · 10/02/2021 22:02

Now I feel mean saying I wish I'd stuck at one. I would do anything for DC2 he is full on pest but he can be amazing too.

whiteroseredrose · 10/02/2021 22:08

I'd have had mine earlier if I could. That's the only change

ForeverInADay · 10/02/2021 22:16

I have 2. Would definitely do it again, no doubt at all. They are amazing and made me a better person.

I wasn't mad keen on the baby stage and found it soooo hard but I'd repeat it in a heartbeat to have them (and they are are only 7 and 6 now). Possibly I'd start a couple of years earlier than 36/37 though.

LookMoreCloselier · 10/02/2021 22:19

If I had my time again then 100% yes I'd still have my children. The happiest times in my life.

RUOKHon · 10/02/2021 22:21

I would do it all over again without a second thought. I adore my children. I can’t imagine not knowing them. Just the idea that I might never have had them makes me feel sad. They’re a constant source of joy, even when they’re being dicks.

LibrariesGiveUsPower45321 · 10/02/2021 22:23

I have two young children, locked up through the pandemic has been insanely hard. I wouldn’t change them for the world. They are they best thing that’s ever happened to me.

DesertSky · 10/02/2021 22:44

I am very thankful my 3 children are not toddlers/babies during this pandemic. Although it’s tiring juggling home schooling and wfh, at least they can amuse themselves for longer periods of times and communicate with their friends (if only over phone/zoom). I truly don’t think I could personally cope with starting a family during these times. Socialising at baby groups, seeing friends and going for trips out (other than walks!) made a massive difference for me in those baby/toddler days. I genuinely think I would’ve lost the plot a bit. I really feel for those new mums in the past year and take my hat off to them!

ItbarelysnowsinLondon · 10/02/2021 22:59

I wouldn't change a thing.

I have two, one of which has ASD and can be extremely challenging so life isn't always rosy but I'm so glad I have him and would do it all over again in a heartbeat.

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 10/02/2021 23:02

I have 2 and absolutely would not change that decision. They are my sunshine.

BunchIsBloom · 10/02/2021 23:09

Of course I'd choose to have them again, they're bloody exhausting but they are my absolute fuckin world!

I'd just be a bit more prepared for it all with the knowledge I have now, haha.
I was not prepared for my first at all!

2ndtimemum2 · 10/02/2021 23:10

I have 2 and i do regret the massive age gap between them. The first was 16 when the 2nd was born so I'm starting all over again. 2nd baby was a big surprise and I ended up a single mother for a 2nd time bit definitely don't regret either

BunchIsBloom · 10/02/2021 23:11

Also when it comes to Covid babies, I wouldn't really want to get pregnant or give birth right now but Covid be dammed, we have a lot of good medicine now, imagine how people coped in history with pandemics...!

MaLarkinn · 10/02/2021 23:14

I'd have had more!

Designerenvy · 10/02/2021 23:17

Definitely. I have 3, maybe if I had my time over I would have 1 more . A bit late for that now but couldn’t imagine life without my 3.

Marv1nGay3 · 10/02/2021 23:18

Child free

WeAllHaveWings · 10/02/2021 23:19

Having and raising ds(16) has been one of the most rewarding experiences of my life. I wouldn't change a second of it, even the hard bits. Wish I'd had the chance to do it again.

JamesMiddletonsMarshmallows · 10/02/2021 23:22

I love my children and I try (and mostly fail) my very best at being a good mum but if I had my time again I'd be child free. It's relentless, exhausting, boring, stressful and just so draining.

I'm always worrying about them too - worrying if DD's friends are being nice to her, worried they're getting bullied, worried that DS isn't keeping up with the class, I worry for the future and the kind of adults they'll be, I worry wondering about all the times they're gonna scare the shit out of me by not coming home/bringing a prick of a partner home/making bad decision, I worry about the mistakes they're gonna make.

It's not their fault - they're amazing. Far nicer and more well behaved than any other children I know. But the whole parenting business really doesn't suit me.

I've figured out what I'll be good at - being a grandparent because if then I could have the joy of unconditional love but they go home when I'm exhausted and I get a break, I can enjoy the best parts of them and hopefully they'll be nicer for me than their parents plus I HOPE I don't have half the worries having been through raising 2 kids

ArabellaScott · 10/02/2021 23:29

I'd choose to have children again, yes absolutely.

Shinyletsbebadguys · 10/02/2021 23:34

I think this can be a complex question.

My DC are the best thing I have ever done. The one thing I am truly proud of (I need to hasten to add I don't actually think I'm an amazing mother but I do think they know without a shadow of a doubt I love them more than anything in the world and would do anything for them...I also ensure I balance having my own identity but if i will point to anything in my life that is good it is my DC).

I wouldn't change any of that for anything at all.

Having said that if you told 29 year old me exactly how hard and relentless , stressful and terrifying it would be. How you realise in the first few days what a bloody gigantic permanent responsibility it was ...well if I am honest I would have run a mile.

Because it is almost impossible to define the indescribable beauty of the love you have for them..The incredible dichotomy it is to have two little people that you would do anything for and who at the same time can push every single button, run you into the ground, exhaust and frustrate you to the point where you don't think you can take another step and then with a single gurgle or smile or even just a look from them you would be back up and the sun has come out and you are ready to fight the world to protect them. The juxtaposition of the hardest , most gruelling job that brings the most incandescent joy , all in the same ten seconds sometimes is hard to truly translate until you have felt it.

I don't believe you can truly understand it without having done that. So no , if you described motherhood (I emphasise that I do not believe this is solely biological motherhood , I very much included adoption etc) to me in real terms before I had my DC then I would have legged it.

Thank god nobody did because I wouldn't give this up for anything (unless ds2 tries to literally steal the cheese I am eating out of my hand...again...then well considerations may be had )

Notthemessiah · 10/02/2021 23:41

I'd love the lack of stress and worry over their future, plus the extra cash would be nice but my life would be so much emptier and they will make the world a better place just by being them, so yes I would have all of them again.

JM10 · 10/02/2021 23:43

Nothing to do with covid, but I would not have children if I could go back.

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