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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you choose to have children again knowing what you know now or would you choose childfree?

192 replies

Greenland21 · 10/02/2021 19:53

Just that really. If you have children would you make the same decision again or would you decide to stay childfree? Would you think differently because of Covid? Do you think less women will have children now?

OP posts:
Remaker · 11/02/2021 03:53

100% would have them again. Best thing I ever did.

HotelRoomforOne · 11/02/2021 04:33

I have three. I probably shouldn't have had them. Having them has ended my relationship and I feel exhausted and ill equipped to give them an interesting childhood. I am subsumed by them and have no life. I should've stayed alone.

PatchworkElmer · 11/02/2021 04:49

Absolutely would have him again. I am so lucky to have him. We’re doing the right thing (for us) by not having more than one though.

Oneweekleft · 11/02/2021 06:46

Yes, I have 3 boys and overall very happy. It is really hard work but I hope we remain close for life and they have good relationships with each other. I think i would feel a lack of purpose without kids and i just like being a mum. I grew up like an only child as my brother was much older than me and left home when i was a child. My parents were quite distant from me. I feel having a busy family life now has filled that gap for me. My 2 youngest boys are really sweet and affecfionate. Always giving me cuddles and saying they love me. My eldest is not cuddly at all but very lively and fun and has alot of talent which i admire and feel proud of. So yes all good from me. I do worry about the teen years and what they'll bring but you can only do your best.

Originalusername2021 · 11/02/2021 06:49

I’m not having anymore because of covid, I couldn’t cope with more than I have now in a lockdown situation.

Imapotato · 11/02/2021 07:20

Yes I’d absolutely have them again. My dds are in their teens and such good company (when they’re not being moody). Lockdown would definitely been dull without them.

I never understood why anyone would want to remain child free. I respect their choices. But I don’t understand them.

snowydaysandholidays · 11/02/2021 07:34

I am glad I had my dc when I did. They mean the world to me. I would not change a thing personally.

However I would not want to be pregnant or have a baby in a pandemic, and would put it off if possible. Or even reconsider. Early parenthood is hard enough without doing it in a lockdown.

ballroompink · 11/02/2021 07:55

I would still have them, but would have a slightly smaller age gap. I could never contemplate having two close together for financial reasons and also because DS1 was quite a challenging baby, but then due to circumstances we ended up having a 5.5 year age gap. They are just starting to do stuff together a bit (aged 3 and 8) but it is mostly like having two only children and that isn't the easiest especially with lockdown. They certainly don't play together for any significant amount of time.

happytravels · 11/02/2021 08:47

Best thing I ever did. Loved every age.

SandyY2K · 11/02/2021 08:59

I'd definitely still have children with everything I know, but there isn't anything I didn't anticipate.

• I knew they can be hard work at times.
• That I'd probably be lacking in sleep in the baby stage
• That they cost

HandlebarLadyTash · 11/02/2021 09:35

Childfree
I love the ones I have but the money, stress constant responsibility & never getting a break is wearing.
No kids & I could be selfish & travel & look forward to an early retirement with more travel

dingoesatemybaby · 11/02/2021 09:46

Wouldn't change anything. I have 3DC.

However, I would not want to do the baby stage again. If I could change anything it would probably be to give birth to a 12 month old (ouch! Grin)

wendz86 · 11/02/2021 09:46

No i wouldn't change it. It's been harder than i imagined, especially the last year but still worth it.

Dontsayfuckorbugger · 11/02/2021 09:58

I wouldn't have 3 again that's for sure. A lot of my friends only have 1 child and they are so much better off, have enjoyed lovely holidays, have nice homes and just generally have a better quality of life. However I do love all my 3 children and wouldn't wish them away

BuggerBognor · 11/02/2021 12:58

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melononapear · 11/02/2021 15:19

@BuggerBognor I get you 100% and am in the exact same position. Please feel free to PM me if you need to vent/rant x

Gemma2019 · 11/02/2021 15:31

@BuggerBognor and @melononapear have you read the marvellous Welcome to Holland, it'll make you wonder what you are complaining about. I'm joking of course.

Actually I change my answer. I said I would choose to be child free but if I could have only neurotypical children who won't require 24/7 care until they die then I choose children. It would be nice to try parenthood without having to desperately cling to my career, marriage, physical and mental health and sanity by my fingernails.

BuggerBognor · 11/02/2021 15:43

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Pantheon · 11/02/2021 15:46

I would definitely have dd. She's brought so much joy to me and dh and wider family. That's not to say it isn't hard at times especially at the moment.

Karmakarmachameleon · 11/02/2021 15:46

Certainly wouldn’t change anything, but my son is only 18 months old. I might give a different answer when he’s 18 years old.

Karmakarmachameleon · 11/02/2021 15:52

I'm always worrying about them too - worrying if DD's friends are being nice to her, worried they're getting bullied, worried that DS isn't keeping up with the class, I worry for the future and the kind of adults they'll be, I worry wondering about all the times they're gonna scare the shit out of me by not coming home/bringing a prick of a partner home/making bad decision, I worry about the mistakes they're gonna make.

This is the thing I have found hardest about becoming a parent. I worry so much (and he’s only a toddler so we don’t have any ‘real’ problems yet) and I just feel so very vulnerable in a way I didn’t before I had a child.

I wouldn’t change this but I do think wistfully of when I didn’t feel so bloody scared all the time.

Karmakarmachameleon · 11/02/2021 15:52

*wouldn’t change things

Cattenberg · 11/02/2021 16:11

I’m glad I had DD and ideally I’d have a second as well. Covid doesn’t change that.

My biggest fear for the future is climate change. Will we really face apocalyptic scenes of floods, fires and food shortages? I keep hearing of adults in their 20s and 30s deciding to remain childfree for this reason. And yet many people don’t seem to worry about climate change at all. I wish I knew what to expect.

TheGoogleMum · 11/02/2021 16:15

For the first year of DDs life tbh I might have said no I wouldn't have kids. But actually now I think it was all worth it. Covid wise? Still yes, although I wouldn't try to get pregnant while the pandemic is still a problem

melononapear · 11/02/2021 16:37

@Gemma2019 and @BuggerBognor yep, know exactly how that all feels. Sometimes it helps to just talk to someone that doesn't berate you for being pessimistic about your child's future or that claims that autism isn't a disability. I bet a million pounds that anyone who says that does not have a severely affected child! They clearly aren't having to deal with a double incontinent teenager.

Also, that post 😂😂 I have done exactly that so many times!