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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Do people like this actually exist?

188 replies

Stingebag100 · 10/02/2021 10:45

Backstory (have posted this before) - next door neighbour moved in few months ago. As soon as she came she made friends with few households on our cul-de-sac. Thought ok, just being friendly which is nice. Noticed she was asking more and more favours from men on street (and my husband). Help me paint this, can you come and pour some concrete, can you help me put some plaster on walls etc. Fine, she just needs some help and can’t afford to pay someone yet. Fast forward to present time, she is a CF on all levels! She had been coming around our house regularly (in our bubble) just to socialise a bit and see actual people as she is on her own furloughed. One night she came and our male friend was here and they hit it off, he is really into her and they have been meeting regularly. He has noticed that every time she messages him (which is every single day) it’s because she wants something. She wants a lift here or needs to pick up something here (sometimes up to an hour drive). Every time they go out he buys lunch (she will always make an excuse to not pay) and has now ended his friendship with her as he has realised she is a user. Since then she’s been messaging me asking if I can drive her here or drive her there ETC. I am at home with two children under 3 and definitely not going anywhere. She even asked me today, in this snow!
Am I right in thinking this is my life now? I think I need to construct a message or sentence to say to her to get her to leave me alone! CFCFCF!!

OP posts:
Shoxfordian · 10/02/2021 10:49

It seems like she has a lot of form for this so I don’t know why you expect any different. Start saying no

gingganggooleywotsit · 10/02/2021 10:52

I have met people like her before. Start to distance yourself now!

ChequerBoard · 10/02/2021 10:55

Where are you that socialising across neighbours houses and also with random friends popping in is in keeping with the rules of lockdown??

And as for random male friend then striking up relationship and taking the neighbour out driving and for lunch every day....

Sheleg · 10/02/2021 10:57

People like this flourish because others are too weak to tell them where to shove it!

Macncheeseballs · 10/02/2021 10:58

I've never had this problem cos I've always nipped it in the bud

Ikora · 10/02/2021 10:59

Just say no, it’s not difficult. Bubbling up with anyone that you really don’t know well was never a good idea. Two of my neighbours have bubbled up but have been really good friends for at least ten years.

KeyWorker · 10/02/2021 10:59

I think you need to tell her to back off. Tell her you’ve just realised you’ve misinterpreted the coronavirus bubble situation and as such now feel you need to stop contact.

Also, remember it’s ok to say no. No I’m not available for a lift. No, we can’t help with the decorating. No you can’t come over for a coffee. Lock your door so she can’t just stroll in and stick with NO.

Atalune · 10/02/2021 10:59

You know that’s not how bubbles work???

Just say no. She’ll stop asking soon enough.

Worried830410 · 10/02/2021 11:02

People like this exist because people behave like doormats. A firm no without any explanation should do.

AbsitivelyPosolutely · 10/02/2021 11:04

I just can't anymore.

OverTheRubicon · 10/02/2021 11:04

This whole thing shouldn't be happening because if she's 'in your bubble' (and why would a neighbour you barely know and don't like much be your bubble anyway?) then your male friend shouldn't have been there as he can't be in your bubble too. You get one.

Yes, she's a CF. Luckily, you've got the perfect excuse in telling her that you've suddenly realised that you bollocksed up the covid rules, she can't be your bubble any more.

islockdownoveryet · 10/02/2021 11:05

@Atalune

You know that’s not how bubbles work???

Just say no. She’ll stop asking soon enough.

Yes what bubble has neighbours round ? What to say .. Dear cf neighbours no I can not drive you hear there and everywhere nor are you to call round as we are in lockdown. I suggest you bubble up with someone else and here is the number of local taxi . Hope to see you when lockdown has relaxed.
YellowandGreenToBeSeen · 10/02/2021 11:05

Just say No. It’s not that difficult.

Also, as an aside, why / how do you have 2 people in your bubble?

Snuggz · 10/02/2021 11:06

Next time she asks you for a lift somewhere just say no and give her the number for the local cab company. Keep doing this until she gets the message and stops asking.

Jobsharenightmare · 10/02/2021 11:06

This is illegal you can't have bubbles with lots of different people in them from different households.

On a separate note, I think you are perfectly entitled to just say no. You could say no because I have realised I was breaking the law.

WorraLiberty · 10/02/2021 11:06

Why would you bubble up with someone like that anyway? Confused

Piss takers will always walk the earth.

You have a responsibility towards yourself to not allow them to affect you.

LagunaBubbles · 10/02/2021 11:07

Are you in the UK? Because your house sounds very busy, neighbour coming and going and also male friend!

Crappyfridays7 · 10/02/2021 11:10

Say no
Tell her you’re busy
Ignore her, you’ve facilitated this by having your husband and male friend run after her without question. Tell her to get her shopping/messages etc herself like we all do. I’ve 4 kids and no way do I have time for that. Happy to help someone but all the time is a piss take l

whatswithtodaytoday · 10/02/2021 11:11

As everyone else has said, your bubble is too big. Who's in her bubble, does she only see you? I doubt it, as you're hardly close friends! Who's in your male friend's bubble?

Don't you think the rest of us are missing our friends?

cherrypop86 · 10/02/2021 11:11

Just freeze her out. I had to do this with a mum from the school who wanted to join us with her husband and kids every time we had a family day out and wanted joint holidays with both families.Not my thing at all. Be polite and keep the conversation neutral, don't reply to all her messages and don't go out your way to talk to her. She'll soon get the message.

fairycakes1234 · 10/02/2021 11:13

Exactly what others said, delete her number and dont answer any calls from her. If she knocks at the door just tell her youre busy and close the door, and that should be it, i dont really know why its so difficult, its not like shes famly or a friend, just an annoying neighbour

Original poster
Stingebag100 · 10/02/2021 11:16

@whatswithtodaytoday she does only see us as she is on her own next door, I never see her leave her house unless it’s to come here. We also don’t meet with anyone apart from essential working, her and my mum as she does childcare for us. Our male friend comes to us as he is vulnerable on his own and also doesn’t meet anyone else. I realise we have broken the rules

OP posts:
FossilisedFanny · 10/02/2021 11:17

The whole thing is wrong on so many levels

Chloemol · 10/02/2021 11:18

How can you bubble with her (get that single household) and still have friends round, you can’t

So stop that for a start

As to the neighbour just tell her you need to debubble and when she asks for anything it’s sorry can’t help today

YellowandGreenToBeSeen · 10/02/2021 11:19

Fuck me. I’ve spent a year on my own (give it take when we were able to see people) and you’ve got 3 people in your bubble. Your mum should be the only person - childcare giver equals your bubble. Not ‘childcare + neighbour + mate’. Or your mate alone if he is vulnerable.