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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Do people like this actually exist?

188 replies

Stingebag100 · 10/02/2021 10:45

Backstory (have posted this before) - next door neighbour moved in few months ago. As soon as she came she made friends with few households on our cul-de-sac. Thought ok, just being friendly which is nice. Noticed she was asking more and more favours from men on street (and my husband). Help me paint this, can you come and pour some concrete, can you help me put some plaster on walls etc. Fine, she just needs some help and can’t afford to pay someone yet. Fast forward to present time, she is a CF on all levels! She had been coming around our house regularly (in our bubble) just to socialise a bit and see actual people as she is on her own furloughed. One night she came and our male friend was here and they hit it off, he is really into her and they have been meeting regularly. He has noticed that every time she messages him (which is every single day) it’s because she wants something. She wants a lift here or needs to pick up something here (sometimes up to an hour drive). Every time they go out he buys lunch (she will always make an excuse to not pay) and has now ended his friendship with her as he has realised she is a user. Since then she’s been messaging me asking if I can drive her here or drive her there ETC. I am at home with two children under 3 and definitely not going anywhere. She even asked me today, in this snow!
Am I right in thinking this is my life now? I think I need to construct a message or sentence to say to her to get her to leave me alone! CFCFCF!!

OP posts:
NotSorry · 10/02/2021 13:20

@KitKat1985

1) Okay, firstly you can't have 3 people in your 'bubble' (I.E, CF, your Mum, and your male friend).
  1. You say CF does childcare for you. Out of interest are you paying her for this or is she doing it as a favour for you? I'm only asking as if she's doing you a lot of childcare favours then her asking you for favours in return is less cheeky.
I think it's the mum doing the childcare - I had to read it a couple of times myself as I thought the same as you at first
Egghead68 · 10/02/2021 13:21

Why are you having a male friend round to your house in lockdown?

clpsmum · 10/02/2021 13:28

Lost me when you blatantly broke the rules I'm afraid. Annoyed that people like you who think you are better than following the rules like everyone else "actually exist" tbh. Yes she is a CF but so are you

Doingitaloneandproud · 10/02/2021 13:33

Well you can kick her out your bubble but you can have both a childcare bubble and a support bubble. It's not one or the other, but you can't have both her and your friend in a support bubble. I'd say no to her and explain you are distancing yourself because of the Covid situation. She should get the hint. Hopefully

PicsInRed · 10/02/2021 13:34

You have more bubbles than Veuve Clicquot.

PursuingProxemicExactitude · 10/02/2021 13:34

@Derbee

Troll hunting and speculating is against the rules here. So I guess I won’t comment
Loving your work, Derbee Grin
Silverthorny · 10/02/2021 13:44

@Stingebag100 just as a very stark warning. My friend - mid thirties, breaking rules here and there, quite a lax attitude - was admitted to hospital with Covid pneumonia. She now has a very, very different view to Covid. Be careful.

karala · 10/02/2021 13:48

and this is why Covid is still spreading - I just can't get over the stupidity and the sheer disregard for people who are doing their best.

dexterslockedintheshedagain · 10/02/2021 13:50

You appear to be the architect of your own misfortune, I'm afraid.

PurpleHoodie · 10/02/2021 13:54

I'll be made a bleedin' West Ham fan by the end of this pandemic for heavens sake.

Vparisi · 10/02/2021 13:55

I would ask 'do people like this really exist' about OP. This behaviour sucks and is so frustrating. Most of us are working extremely hard to follow the rules so strictly, having not seen family or friends for months to save lives and reduce stress on the NHS and apparently there are still people out there meeting multiple households. Not sure how long this lockdown has to be to get these types of people to take it seriously.

PurpleHoodie · 10/02/2021 13:55

To answer the OP.

Yes; men and women like this exist. In abundance.

TurquoiseDress · 10/02/2021 13:59

Wow she's a brazen CF!

I can't focus on that part though as I'm mentally trying to work out how many bubbles everyone has on the go?!

TurquoiseDress · 10/02/2021 14:01

@PicsInRed GrinGrinGrin

I love Veuve Cliquot!🍾

80sMum · 10/02/2021 14:10

The OP can legitimately be part of two bubbles. The bubble with the single neighbour is a support bubble and the bubble with the OP's mother is a childcare bubble.

The single, vulnerable friend, however, is not included in either bubble and is a different household.

If you want to continue to provide support for the friend, OP, you need to make him your support bubble and tell your neighbour that you will no longer be able to see her in your home. You could still speak on the phone or possibly chat over the fence at a safe distance - but you seem to be wanting to cool down the relationship, so unbubbling is what you need to do.

willloman · 10/02/2021 14:12

Yes. Will we ever get out of lockdown if we don't stick to it? easy option - tell neighbour that you cannot see her as COVID is still rampaging through England with a bigger death rate than any other European nation!

Zakana · 10/02/2021 14:14

Easiest way to deal with a CF, two words only, second is off.
Funnily enough, my late mum told me that our next door neighbour used to date different men depending on what she wanted done, she had a council flat which looked a bit like the palace of Versailles due to all the work carried out, assume she paid each one in kind. She had a carpet fitter and salesman, a decorator, a landscape gardener, a kitchen and bathroom fitter, they are just the ones I can remember. To be fair, my mum couldn’t stand her, thought she was up her own arse despite living in a council flat, thought she needed bringing down a peg or two.

GappyValley · 10/02/2021 14:23

Is anyone jealous that OP lives on a street where people will pop round a just do a bit of plastering and painting for free?

It would take me weeks to get an appointment with a tradesman, and they'd quote me about £250

silverbubbles · 10/02/2021 14:26

Stop facilitating this type of behaviour
Avoid her and any involvement with her. Ignore any requests from her.

Imloosingmyshit · 10/02/2021 14:28

I think once certain types of people realise they can’t wrangle freebies out of you, they tend to quietly melt away and find others who will. I don’t think you need to say anything to her other than ‘no’. With a smile.

Canitbemagic · 10/02/2021 14:37

@Chewingle

Anyone willing to take a bet that the OP won’t be back?!
Doesn't seem like it.

You can't have lots of different bubbles -we are in a national lockdown.

Message clearly the next time she asked for a life 'Local taxi firm is this number'. I know you keep asking us, but we have a busy family life -so please use the number provided rather than keep asking us.

MadameButterface · 10/02/2021 14:40

@Zakana

Easiest way to deal with a CF, two words only, second is off. Funnily enough, my late mum told me that our next door neighbour used to date different men depending on what she wanted done, she had a council flat which looked a bit like the palace of Versailles due to all the work carried out, assume she paid each one in kind. She had a carpet fitter and salesman, a decorator, a landscape gardener, a kitchen and bathroom fitter, they are just the ones I can remember. To be fair, my mum couldn’t stand her, thought she was up her own arse despite living in a council flat, thought she needed bringing down a peg or two.
It sounds like your mum had an unhealthy fixation with your next door neighbour that was equal parts snobbery, internalised misogyny and envy.
PeachPiePip · 10/02/2021 14:43

Surely bubbles aren’t intended so neighbours can have friendly chats???!

butterpuffed · 10/02/2021 14:43

She comes round your house
She has people round her house doing DIY
She has lifts from people, sometimes an hour's drive
She goes for out for lunch [where are the open restaurants, cafes ?]

Hmm
Zakana · 10/02/2021 14:47

I think you are probably right, but I can recall she kept the window cleaner around for a few years as it happens.....as for the others, like I said, her flat didn’t look like a council flat, looked like a cross between the palace of Versailles and a Versace hotel, especially once the carpet fitter had been, none of them lived with her either, and at times she was juggling two at the same time. No idea how she got away with it!

Her daughter got used to being alone at night on a regular basis, until the pubs shut, my mum used to check in on her each time to make sure she was ok, suppose even though she couldn’t stand the woman, she did like her daughter, who was a latch key kid every day.