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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Do people like this actually exist?

188 replies

Stingebag100 · 10/02/2021 10:45

Backstory (have posted this before) - next door neighbour moved in few months ago. As soon as she came she made friends with few households on our cul-de-sac. Thought ok, just being friendly which is nice. Noticed she was asking more and more favours from men on street (and my husband). Help me paint this, can you come and pour some concrete, can you help me put some plaster on walls etc. Fine, she just needs some help and can’t afford to pay someone yet. Fast forward to present time, she is a CF on all levels! She had been coming around our house regularly (in our bubble) just to socialise a bit and see actual people as she is on her own furloughed. One night she came and our male friend was here and they hit it off, he is really into her and they have been meeting regularly. He has noticed that every time she messages him (which is every single day) it’s because she wants something. She wants a lift here or needs to pick up something here (sometimes up to an hour drive). Every time they go out he buys lunch (she will always make an excuse to not pay) and has now ended his friendship with her as he has realised she is a user. Since then she’s been messaging me asking if I can drive her here or drive her there ETC. I am at home with two children under 3 and definitely not going anywhere. She even asked me today, in this snow!
Am I right in thinking this is my life now? I think I need to construct a message or sentence to say to her to get her to leave me alone! CFCFCF!!

OP posts:
FilthyforFirth · 10/02/2021 11:22

He is vulnerable yet taking her out on lots of dates? Where do you live that you can go somewhere for lunch? Seems wrong all round...

cleanasawhistle · 10/02/2021 11:23

Don't make any excuses like I am too busy right now because she won't take the hint.Her response will be how about later/tomorrow.

Just be strong and get to the point,sorry not doing any more favours,takes up too much of my time and I have realised how much more money I am spending on petrol.

If she asks for your husband say no he is getting fed up because he has enough to do with jobs at our house.

islockdownoveryet · 10/02/2021 11:23

[quote Stingebag100]@whatswithtodaytoday she does only see us as she is on her own next door, I never see her leave her house unless it’s to come here. We also don’t meet with anyone apart from essential working, her and my mum as she does childcare for us. Our male friend comes to us as he is vulnerable on his own and also doesn’t meet anyone else. I realise we have broken the rules[/quote]
Yes your bubble is your mum . You other friend can’t bubble up with you because you already have bubbled up with your mum. Just because you know a few people that live alone they can’t all bubble up with you .
The bubble works that a single person living alone bubbles up with someone else . The someone else can’t have several other bubbles with people living alone which is what your doing. I’m actually surprised and I’m sorry a bit annoyed that you think this is ok . I haven’t seen my dm since before Christmas but you have neighbours round you dislike . Nip it in the bud today and stop with the socialising .

Iknowwhatudidlastsummer · 10/02/2021 11:27

I love when CF covidiots who think rules don't apply to them

complain about other CF Grin

iljatdip · 10/02/2021 11:28

Kick her out of the bubble. You've got too many people in it anywhere.
Tell her that with the new mutations going you need to be taking more care and that you interpreted the bubble rules too loosely.

And say no to any requests from her.
I have a really annoying neighbour and I did try to help her at first but she is so wearing so I've started saying no to everything. I also turned off my doorbell during our recent lockdown (in another country) as she kept ringing my bell several times a day wanting something. We don#t have bubbles here and contact with her would not be allowed. She has her deceased mother's ex-boyfriend around all the time and he drinks and she ends up with no money for food....
I felt bad about saying no at first but at some point you have to get tough or people take the piss.

Pinkypie86 · 10/02/2021 11:29

Sick of hearing about bastard 'Bubbles' What a shower of shit - Say No. Ignore. Move on!
Some people love the drama!

SeaShoreGalore · 10/02/2021 11:30

she does only see us as she is on her own next door, I never see her leave her house unless it’s to come here

Confused but she's been seeing your mate?

bofski14 · 10/02/2021 11:31

Yeah, this is so wrong. You and your partner are essential workers, you have two children, your mum provides childcare, neighbour pops in and you had another friend there. Why did you think that would be ok? Can you not understand the massive network you are creating? You say she doesn't see anyone else apart from you at your house but also she has been on lunch dates with your friend and has people popping round to do odd jobs. Give. Me. Strength. Nip this in the bud now before someone gets seriously ill or worse. You have a perfect ready made excuse - IT'S ILLEGAL.

EffIt · 10/02/2021 11:32

I would tell her straight that it seems every time she is in touch it's because she wants something which makes her seem like a user and you don't have the time to deal with her. No point ignoring her and hoping she will go away, get her told!

Cloudsurfing · 10/02/2021 11:32

Stop seeing her. She’s not ‘your bubble’ as you already have one (or two). Maybe she and your friend can bubble up together, that would solve everything.

IloveFebruary · 10/02/2021 11:32

How is she “in your bubble” and you have a male friend around at the same time?

SignsofSpring · 10/02/2021 11:33

I'm usually quite sympathetic, OP, but on this occasion, I do feel a tiny bit judgy because you've brought this on yourself because you have continued to hang out with neighbours/friends when you are not supposed to be doing that. What do you think the rest of us are doing? Especially if you are key workers and have kids in school in both households, the potential for transmission is really quite high!

Given all of that, you've made a rod for your own back, because it will be hard to pull back now. You will fall out with her, because she's used to asking for stuff and getting it, including people going over in Covid times when they shouldn't be. It's a shame their bubble (your friend and hers) didn't work out as they could have bubbled together properly and without you! I would just say I'm a bit down at the moment and focusing on my own house and kids, and avoid.

FossilisedFanny · 10/02/2021 11:37

she does only see us as she is on her own next door, I never see her leave her house unless it’s to come here

She only sees you? But you said she’s been seeing your friend as well?
Which is it ?

ParkheadParadise · 10/02/2021 11:37

Do people like this actually exist

Only on Mumsnet

IloveFebruary · 10/02/2021 11:38

@SeaShoreGalore

she does only see us as she is on her own next door, I never see her leave her house unless it’s to come here

Confused but she's been seeing your mate?

And this 👆
LunaHeather · 10/02/2021 11:40

Yes, people like this exist

You tell them to shove it.

DrManhattan · 10/02/2021 11:41

Tell her to back her truck up

FuriousWithTheNHS · 10/02/2021 11:41

'We are in a bubble' seems to be the new get out clause for 'We are just carrying on as normal and doing whatever the fuck we want.'

IloveFebruary · 10/02/2021 11:42

So you get childcare from your mother. You get to ‘bubble’ with your neighbour and you have friends round who you casually declare are vulnerable (but ok to take girls out on dates, drive them for hours and do odd jobs as well as go to their mates houses socialising)?

I’m out.

ivykaty44 · 10/02/2021 11:42

say

I am not going to run errands for you, get a taxi, plumber, workman etc
I will be happy to do the occasional favour but Im not happy about your constant requests for help

Saz12 · 10/02/2021 11:43

OP, it’s very simple. You say “no”.

Can I get a lift to the supermarket?
No, I’m too busy.

Can you come put a shelf up?
No, I’m too busy.
When can you do it?
I’m too busy to do other people’s DIY for them.

I’ve not seen anyone all day, can I come in for a chat?
No, we’re already in a bubble with my Mum. We can chat outside at a 2metre distance though.

Confusedandshaken · 10/02/2021 11:43

Users exist. People who ignore lockdown guidelines exist. I'm not sure which type I find more annoying.

WorraLiberty · 10/02/2021 11:43

The OP has more bubbles than a foam party, yet her neighbour is the cheeky fucker? 🤣🤣

Pyewhacket · 10/02/2021 11:44

There are a lot of women like that. I would just avoid her,

Fatarseflanagan09 · 10/02/2021 11:44

I had a friend like her, wanted me to help her decorate her kitchen, she was on her own so I didn't mind, I went over to help her and her sister turned up, friend made excuses she had to go somewhere with sister and wouldn't be long so I cracked on with the painting, she turned up hours later apologising, apparently her sister really needed her help with something or other, I'd finished the job and asked her for some turps to clean the paint off my hands, she had forgot to buy some.
Sorry about that, I'll buy us a takeaway, that didn't materialise either, I noticed that whenever we went out she always took just enough money to buy one glass of soda water and tried to get random mates, especially men to buy her supper and had form for it, I moved to the next village and she never bothered with me after that.