AIBU to think Covid has improved my life?

[Hellsbells35]

When I look back at my life a year ago, I am so grateful to be in the position I’m in now. But the changes wouldn’t have happened if it wasn’t for the pandemic.

Firstly I was furloughed for several months and able to spend more time with my kids. Homeschooling last March was tough but it made when the kids went back in June feel easier.

I was then made redundant but found a better job100% remote and more money. A situation I could only dream of before!

Throw in mortgage breaks, and less nursery fees and I’m more financially stable than before.

I used to have fomo but now I’m enjoying spending time just with husband and kids. Our marriage is better than ever as we now work at home together.

Zoom quizzes have me catching up with friends I’d not seen in a while and building better relationships.

I obviously have lost freedom and hate to see so many deaths but aibu to be grateful for what it has done to my life?

@Persephoned

Sorry OP, I’m glad things are going well for you, but your last paragraph is at best mind bogglingly insensitive/crass. ‘I’ve had such a great year - shame about the 100000 deaths tho’

Except that's not what she said at all

And no, it not unreasonable to be grateful and to be aware of your own good fortune. If that then extends to a desire to do something to help those who are not so fortunate, then all the better.
There will no doubt be much that lockdown winners will be able to do in the future to help equalise things a little, so hopefully they will retain their gratitude and pay a little forward.

Delighted for you
And for those who lost jobs, businesses, homes?
Kids with decimated education, young people with no future, people unable get nhs treatment?
Bed of Roses isn't it?

I don’t know if this is a deliberate goad op, or whether you are just incredibly insensitive... but either way, read the room/don’t be a twat.

Genuinely happy you are doing well.

@Beaniecats

Delighted for you And for those who lost jobs, businesses, homes? Kids with decimated education, young people with no future, people unable get nhs treatment? Bed of Roses isn't it?

So because some people are struggling, everyone has to struggle?Nobody is allowed to be happy or grateful or anything in case it offends someone else?

Honestly. I hate the competitive misery on here at the moment.

I get the feeling you're being deliberately goady now Op. You haven't really engaged with this thread and your title is pretty provocative. Now you're claiming to be having the best time of your life?

I can't quite grasp how you can say Youve never been happier (than right now) when your children have been cut off from social interactions, school, their friends, wider family, sports and the life they knew. Does that not affect your happiness?
That's emotional intelligence; the capability to recognise the emotions of others, to empathise and adapt your thinking to encompass others. It's connecting your own experiences to those in wider society and adjusting how you behave and what you say accordingly.

We're all trying to remain upbeat and make the best of things but I am affected by how much my children are suffering, I'm affected by the devastation this virus has brought upon society, our health service and the economy.

I've been optimistic and positive throughout the pandemic and grateful for many things. I certainly don't want everyone wallowing in misery. However, to say I've never been happier as a direct result of a catastrophe strikes me as an extraordinarily self absorbed, short sighted sentiment and completely ignorant to your audience.

OP are you home schooling now as well as both working at home or were you only doing it when furlough? If you are now and so happy then you must have very good children.
Most people I know are in home school hell, if working.

I am also suprised that anyone's kids enjoy not seeing any friends, sports, activities, sleep overs etc. I know some just don't do these things but mine thrive on them and hate lockdown. We are NW too though and been in restrictions longer than most. If you are in a low infection area it would be very different

@Beaniecats

Delighted for you And for those who lost jobs, businesses, homes? Kids with decimated education, young people with no future, people unable get nhs treatment? Bed of Roses isn't it?

Sorry OP but you're not allowed to be happy or feel positive right now. Your feelings don't matter because others are worse off!

God some of the responses on here are vile, not everyone has to be sad and miserable just because you are. I'm happy for you OP.

And for those who lost jobs, businesses, homes?
Kids with decimated education, young people with no future, people unable get nhs treatment?

This has always been the case around the world. No-one slated posters here 5 years ago for being happy about something when someone else in the world was suffering.

Good things have come out of covid as well as bad. It's surprising but it's true and it's ok to be happy about that.

No one slated posters here 5 years ago for being happy about something when someone else in the world was suffering

You're missing the point that it's being happy as a direct result of other's suffering. I don't know how else to explain it. It would be similar to telling the public The Ebola epidemic improved your life because you benefited financially from it. It's a jarring comment.

You're missing the point that it's being happy as a direct result of other's suffering. I don't know how else to explain it. It would be similar to telling the public The Ebola epidemic improved your life because you benefited financially from it. It's a jarring comment.

Just because her comments upset you, doesn't mean she's not allowed to talk about her feelings and experiences.

People lose their jobs and struggle with their health and lose loved ones all the time. Of course it's horrible but it doesn't mean that everyone has to suffer and struggle.

MN is always talking about supporting people's MH, yet when someone comes on and says they've had a shit time but things are getting better now, they get slated "because COVID".

It's grim. It's a competition as to who can suffer the most.

I’ve done pretty well personally out of Covid. We’ve all stayed well, and although I had my salary cut for a short while last year, we are saving loads of money every month.

But the economy has tanked. Businesses have gone bust. And, of course, thousands of people have died and got ill, directly and indirectly through the pandemic.

So, yes, you are being unreasonable, uncaring and unthinking if you think your own life is not being or will not be affected by the devastation inflicted on many millions of others.

Well yes we all have freedom to voice our opinions and feelings.

I think I'm allowed to voice mine: I find some of ops comments a bit crass and insensitive.

I don't think it's beneficial to the mental health of the mumsnet collective to read that a poster has more money because they got furloughed, have a new wfh role, didn't have to pay their nursery fees and loves Zoom quizzes! It's a bonus for her personally which is nice.

I don't feel those comments support my mental health

@SmileyClare

I get the feeling you're being deliberately goady now Op. You haven't really engaged with this thread and your title is pretty provocative. Now you're claiming to be having the best time of your life?

I can't quite grasp how you can say Youve never been happier (than right now) when your children have been cut off from social interactions, school, their friends, wider family, sports and the life they knew. Does that not affect your happiness?
That's emotional intelligence; the capability to recognise the emotions of others, to empathise and adapt your thinking to encompass others. It's connecting your own experiences to those in wider society and adjusting how you behave and what you say accordingly.

We're all trying to remain upbeat and make the best of things but I am affected by how much my children are suffering, I'm affected by the devastation this virus has brought upon society, our health service and the economy.

I've been optimistic and positive throughout the pandemic and grateful for many things. I certainly don't want everyone wallowing in misery. However, to say I've never been happier as a direct result of a catastrophe strikes me as an extraordinarily self absorbed, short sighted sentiment and completely ignorant to your audience.

Maybe the OP doesn't want to come back and face five paragraphs of ranting from a stranger 🤷🏻‍♀️

I think a lot of people have actually had a good pandemic for all the reasons you give.

I love a bit of positivity. You are not being unreasonable OP.

There are pros and cons I am sure for many.

I am lucky enough to have a full time job which I can do from home. Work have been great. My hours are flexible. We use teams a lot to keep in touch. I have seen less of my ex (who used to come over daily when I worked to spend time with DS after school and now comes once a week). I don’t miss the commute (up to 90 minutes a day). I have phoned friends/relatives I had lost touch with and now have regular contact with a cousin which is lovely. I am generally more relaxed because I have more free time. I can get little jobs done in the day and feel more ‘on top of things’. I have stopped drinking alcohol. My son is off school for health reasons and does not feel like he is missing out as his friends are also off. He is coping well with lockdown and talks to friends daily. The online learning provision has been a huge help to us. When I was unable to drive for a few weeks due to an injury, I was still able to work. We are fortunate that we haven’t lost anyone to covid. I gave no elderly relatives to worry about (as they are already dead). When I have needed medical help it has mostly been fast and very good,

The cons are that we don’t go anywhere or see anyone apart from my ex! I rarely exercise and now I don’t even have the walk to and from the car/work. DS is the same. We try but it’s not enough. I miss office banter and real life chats. I miss going for a meal with friends or with DS. I miss going on holiday. I even miss shopping trips although they were infrequent and not my favourite thing before. It can be very lonely being the only adult in the house as DS while good company does like to spend a lot of time in his room. I do worry about covid so have restricted myself more than most. Physio by phone is useless.

On reflection, I was very stressed before covid because of having to many balls in the air, carrying all the mental load of house, parenting, finances, work etc while dealing with the ex on an almost daily basis, always feeling rushed and never having enough time to do things, eating late, using wine to relax, sleeping badly.

Working from home and working more flexibly has been the biggest positive for me. I hope we can retain some of that when we come out of the other side of this.

You're missing the point that it's being happy as a direct result of other's suffering.

It's not. It's finding the positives in a terrible situation, recognising them and being happy about them.

For example, my dh lost his job because of covid. However as a result he found a better job. That was a direct result of suffering a job loss but still had a positive outcome. He's happy about his new job, he feels valued and useful. Why shouldn't he celebrate that?

@MrsBrunch

You're missing the point that it's being happy as a direct result of other's suffering.

It's not. It's finding the positives in a terrible situation, recognising them and being happy about them.

For example, my dh lost his job because of covid. However as a result he found a better job. That was a direct result of suffering a job loss but still had a positive outcome. He's happy about his new job, he feels valued and useful. Why shouldn't he celebrate that?

Stop being sensible.

Everyone has to be miserable 24/7 at the moment. How dare you be happy when people are dying?

Even though people die every single day. People lose their jobs and businesses and homes every single day. But because this is the result of COVID, we must all suffer together. No happiness. Bad happy people.

You see I have no issue with finding positives in a terrible situation. I try to do the same.

I find it oddly short sighted to announce to a public forum that your life is the best it's ever been at the moment. However, I respect others don't take issue with ops comments and I apologise for ranting.

Not unreasonable at all, always good to look for the positives and be grateful for what you're given in life!

Yanbu. My life is x10 times harder but I don't feel alone. We have twins are we couldn't afford healthcare. Prior to covid, feminism was on the back burner - women were frustrated, but quietly. Wine o clock, swallow it down. Now everyone is up shit's creek without a paddle. Now real chance can happen.

Childcare not healthcare*

YABVU be happy but do it quietly so many people are suffering financially, mentally and have lost loved ones, having crucial operations cancelled, unable to travel to see loved ones etc.