AIBU to think Covid has improved my life?

[Hellsbells35]

When I look back at my life a year ago, I am so grateful to be in the position I’m in now. But the changes wouldn’t have happened if it wasn’t for the pandemic.

Firstly I was furloughed for several months and able to spend more time with my kids. Homeschooling last March was tough but it made when the kids went back in June feel easier.

I was then made redundant but found a better job100% remote and more money. A situation I could only dream of before!

Throw in mortgage breaks, and less nursery fees and I’m more financially stable than before.

I used to have fomo but now I’m enjoying spending time just with husband and kids. Our marriage is better than ever as we now work at home together.

Zoom quizzes have me catching up with friends I’d not seen in a while and building better relationships.

I obviously have lost freedom and hate to see so many deaths but aibu to be grateful for what it has done to my life?

I feel the same OP but you're not allowed to show any semblance of joy on here any more.

My mum died very suddenly and unexpectedly, but that doesn’t mean I resent people who still have their mums. I really hope (if their mums are as lovely as mine) that they appreciate how lucky they are.

That’s how I’m reading this.

It doesn’t mean I’m not hurting, but it’s so good to know that not everyone is suffering.

Have we really come to a place where we resent something going right for someone?

OP, pay it forward a bit; check on someone else and make their experience a little more tolerable.

Everything has gone to fuck and you’re rubbing your hands together in glee because you basically deferred your mortgage and saved some dosh on nursery fees.

It has improved some things and made other things worse.
For the first time in 20 years I can pay off debts...nothing else to spend money on.
I can knit and paint more.
My relationship is stronger.
The negatives-
Dd misses school.
Fear for my 70 year old dad .
Boredom...miss gigs.
Fear for economy.
Stasi mentality.

I think the negatives outweigh the positives.

OP I am happy for you. It's clear from your post that you're not a super privileged person and have had some hard times, so it's great that things have improved for you.

There have been some good things about it for me too, I don't mention them IRL in case people are struggling but I think it's fine on an anonymous forum. People can choose not to open the thread if it is likely to upset them.

YANBU to be happy & I'm glad its working well for you.
But YABU to post on a massive forum where people are going through all sorts.
Be quietly happy & count your blessings.

Financially i'm one of the people who are better off and I know i'm extremely lucky, working from home with no childcare or travel costs to pay and no daily trips to Starbucks.
My mental health however is in the pan, i'm a stone heavier, my diet is terrible and my fitness levels have gone from okish to zero. I'm a lone parent and without seeing that extended support network i've really struggled. I've not tried to date at all for a year.

Working from home with your husband forever will not always be bliss. I think as your job is fairly new and a novelty being able to work remotely you’re thinking wow this is amazing. I take it in normal life you’re not one for going out much, going away etc? If you aren’t and you’re normally in the cycle of school, work, activities, rushing around, I can see why it would feel like a decent reset of your busy life. Careful with the mortgage holidays; you do have to pay it back eventually.

I'm glad you feel better. Other people's unhappiness isn't specifically the point here.

@Meruem

I have read dozens of threads of people saying they’re not coping etc, how shit this all is and each time someone tries to say something positive they are shut down and told quite firmly that it is ok for people to be miserable about all this. Now I don’t disagree with that. But you can’t have it both ways. If people are “allowed” threads full of negativity, then you can’t complain if someone starts one of positivity. If you don’t like it, scroll past. Go to one of the threads where people are complaining, there are plenty of them.

I think the difference is that the people are generally posting the negative posts for advice and support. What is the role of posting this post? All it does is make those in difficult circumstances feel worse.

It is good to know not everyone is suffering, absolutely. I don't resent that at all.

It's just that stating publicly you've benefited financially from a tragic world event, that your family are better off, doesn't sit right with me.

That's not saying everyone must be miserable

I regret my hasty post yesterday; I didn't think you were being unreasonable or v insensitive. I am just gobsmacked about how anyone can enjoy Zoom quizzes over actual meetups, home schooling over actual schooling... You are a better person than me, I guess.

It's good to hear the positives, there are positive aspects that we don't hear enough. There are aspects about this that I have appreciated - spending time as a family every day, spending less money, getting lots of house and garden projects finished, not having to get on planes as I hate flying! But they don't outweigh the negatives for me - being scared of a loved one getting it, the children not being able to have sleepovers and mingle with friends, holidays missed, DH and my shared hobby being off for a year and the overall despair at the huge numbers of people losing their lives every day. It's still a big black cloud even though we're really ok ourselves. BUT any positives should be cherished.

Also I think it's your wording that has got people's goats. I must admit I did think it was a bit insensitive. If you'd said 'This situation is awful but I'm finding it really helpful to look at the positives' it would have been ok.

Yes, I think lives will slow down a lot after this.I was always diving into the car to go and do/ get something. Will definitely slow life down after this and appreciate everything more.

But how is the mortgage holiday a good thing? You’ll be paying back more money?

I am pleased for you OP and generally I agree with you. Looking at the positives is a good thing and I have also found many positives during this time. Just because you are counting your own blessings doesn't mean you are unsympathetic to all those who are having real difficulties. There are people on here who are really struggling but are managing to deal with it and others who don't seem to have it that bad, but who are making a right drama out of everything.

I had COVID and it wasn't nice. I have lost friends and (distant) relatives and one former work colleague, who have all died of COVID. I had to give up my dream of working abroad and return to the UK, and now live where I wasn't expecting to, and now I'm furloughed to boot.

Am I miserable? Not at all. It has generally been a good time for me...although I realise that I don't have a family at home these days so that means it's a lot easier. I have liked being at home, I don't miss people anyway, I love the quieter life and less human contact. I'd obviously like some things to open up again, it would be nice to go out for a coffee, go to church services and have all the shops open etc. But generally I count my blessings every day, it has been fine...

I'm pretty sure the OP can see the difference between the short term benefit of the mortgage holiday and the longer term implications.

I had to take a mortgage break as I was furloughed for so long, and it did benefit us at the time. In the long term of the 22 years left on my mortgage, I can't say I'm going to lose sleep over it.

@IncludeWomenInTheSequel it depends on how quickly you’re planning on paying your mortgage off!! If you want to pay it off quickly and have to take a holiday it’s not good!

Good for you OP. I know what you mean, I've been extremely lucky not to have been badly effected by covid so far, other than the lockdowns. I also graduated, changed jobs, moved house and moved in with dp in 2020 so I can't write the whole year off as purgatory!

But how is the mortgage holiday a good thing? You’ll be paying back more money?

I guess maybe you could save the money for the months you claimed even, if you didn't actually need one? Still not really a benefit as you pay more long term, but that's the only one I can think of.

I take your OP in the spirit I hope it was intended.

As much as I wish DD was in school, at her clubs etc, I have realised just how much time we all spent getting places and doing things.

It's not as easy as a PP said to just change the things that make us unhappy. My unhappy thing was spending 3 hours every day getting to and from work. There was no wfh option, it couldn't be done etc etc. Within a week of lockdown last year our entire office was wfh and my team especially don't want to go back to full time office based roles. We haven't had to use wraparound care when school has been open. We have been able to have dinner together more often than not (DH works shifts and can't wfh).

Of course I miss socialising and have cried many many many times over this last year but I've been able to help out friends in need because we have been able to save money by using the car less and spending less on ready meals/convenience items that we would grab on our way to/from places every week.

We now have our gorgeous rescued greyhound who has been an amazing addition to our household, cant really imagine not having him now.

As soon as we are allowed, DD is going overnight to visit grandparents and DH and I are going to a hotel or anywhere for a few nights to break the monotony of these 4 walls but it's not been 100% shit all the time and I don't think there is anything wrong with recognising that.

YANBU

But you're not allowed to mention any positives in MN it seems.

There have been a lot of negative in my own life due to Covid (I won't list them all here, 8 haven't got time!) but there has been some good.

We saved on transport costs so have a little extra money. I've spent more time with DH and DC. I'm nit sure it's quite right that teens should spend so much time with their DM, but it's been lovely for me. I've connected regularly over zoom with distant relatives, so rather than see them twice a year I've seen the children gradually grow and develop.

Yes, over all it's shit, I cry every day, and am totally stressed, there have also been positives and I think it's would be wrong to ignore them.

I would be worried about my “100% remote” job being offshored to a cheaper country

God there's always one. Most UK companies have tried it generally brought it back. WFH means companies can get the benefit of reduced costs and UK staff. Win win.

[quote Blueeyedgirl21]@IncludeWomenInTheSequel it depends on how quickly you’re planning on paying your mortgage off!! If you want to pay it off quickly and have to take a holiday it’s not good![/quote]
We actually used the break to pay off some debt that was more expensive. So it's still better. But that's by the by; COVID has also meant we can work from home so we're saving £360 a month on out of school club.

We'll use that to overpay the mortgage once the expensive debt is gone (we had to replace our disgusting bathroom last January and are using every spare penny to pay it off quickly).