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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to expect heating to be on?

583 replies

Glitterinthegrey · 08/02/2021 16:39

Me & DD's are spending our days at my FIL house for the next couple of weeks while some work is being done on our house.

We're having meals here, but I brought all the food with us, and I'm doing him dinner every day too.

It's absolutely freezing in his house! Youngest DD is sitting under a duvet in the spare room, and oldest is wearing her gloves to do her homework. There is snow on the ground outside. I asked him (politely) if we could put the heating on - he says it'll come on automatically if it goes below 16.5 degrees!

AIBU to think this is too bloody cold? He just shrugged and said that we should wear more clothes!

OP posts:
DanceItOut · 10/02/2021 08:51

I don’t think anyone is trying to be morally superior it’s just whatever you are used to. I grew up in a big old farmhouse built in the 1600s with no insulation, central heating or double glazing. Hot water bottles at night and layered blankets were essential because it would be so cold that I’d wake up to lumps of ice in my bottles of perfume on my dresser and frozen windows. We used to get dressed in front of the aga in the kitchen where it was warm haha. I’m not ancient of anything I’m a “millennial”. I now live in a modern flat. I used to have my heating set to 18-20 degrees when there was two adults sharing the bills and when us and the kids were out most of the day because the heating would only be on for a few hours. Now that I’m a single parent and home 24/7 because of covid I cannot afford to have the heating on all day every day so it only comes on if the temp drops below 16 degrees. It doesn’t feel cold at 16 unless we are sat still doing homelearning and work etc but that could actually be because the room we do that in has really really high ceilings and massive windows so is actually the coldest room and probably just under 16 degrees. It’s amazing how quickly you get used to colder temperatures though as well my friend was amazed that I had mine so low and decided to try it to cut her heating bill because her heating runs on oil. It took her about 2-3 weeks to be totally fine in 18 degrees from 23 degrees and she said it’s amazing because she used to set it to 18 degrees but then when she felt cold turned it up and up until she got used to warmer and warmer temperatures and didn’t realise how quickly she could get used to colder temps again.

I would turn my heating up a little for my guests to around 18-19 but certainly not to 21-25 degrees like some of the people posting on here.

CandidaAlbicans2 · 10/02/2021 08:52

Toulouser wins the race to claim the coldest house! 🏆🥇🥂🎉
Congrats Toulouser! Would you like to say a few words?!

😂 Any advance on 12.5 during the day, 8.5 overnight? Come on, someone must have a 12 degrees. OK, give me an 11.5?

CandidaAlbicans2 · 10/02/2021 08:55

I don't have heating at this time of year, put some extra layers of clothes on will help a lot

@Sweet666, are you in Australia, and “this time of year” is actually your summer? Because surely the only season you'd actually need the heating on in Britain is this one?! Especially when we have the beast from the east 😳😆

CandidaAlbicans2 · 10/02/2021 09:00

Jesus H Christ. What part of the OP is a guest in her FIL's home and not contributing to heating costs are people not getting?

@Britney1, (and everyone else who is suggesting things OP has clearly explained) I have a feeling you’ve not read or understood any of OP’s posts. OP said:
”I have offered him some money - he won't take it. To be clear - he's not badly off…”.

Also, OP did not “hoist upon” him, she said:
”We were invited to stay”.

She is not “poncing off him”, she said:
”I brought all the food with us, and I'm doing him dinner every day too” (plus, to reiterate, has offered him money for the heating).

So YABU to not to have RTFT before having a go. And I'm glad she also explained why she couldn't simply go to her own family or why she couldn't rent somewhere (as though she hadn't already thought of those ideas 🙄)

Nocaloriesinchocolate · 10/02/2021 09:15

I wish to complain strongly about this thread - I was all set for a lie in reading Mumsnet but now I am compelled to get out of bed to check the room temperature! Shame on you all! 😺

Earlybirdcatches · 10/02/2021 09:34

I can’t believe some of you live in double figures. I sit in a cold bath all day to keep below 10C. Anything higher is just not the done thing.

LilMidge01 · 10/02/2021 09:35

That is a bit cold and you've said you've offered him money and he's refused.....but YABU

You've done all you can- you are guests in his house. 16.5 degrees is cold but not unhealthily so. Do as he says and put some extra layers on, stay huddled under the duvet for a bit. It won't kill you and its not worth the falling out IMO. Your DD will be fine.

Inwiththenew · 10/02/2021 09:37

No you aren’t being unreasonable. When you have guests you should ensure their comfort as much as possible.

honeybee88 · 10/02/2021 09:53

Oh dear. My house is not big. My thermostat says 25 degrees...😲😳. But I record 20 or 22 sometimes in livingroom. I pay £100 a month for gas/ electricity. I need new windows but cant afford that atm. If our heating gorw below 18 I would turn up the thermostat! I want to be comfortable in my own home. In the summer we use about £40 a month for at least 3 months so it evens out. At least it is not forever that you have to stay there and be cold. There is no need for it. Why do some people like to suffer cold when they can afford to pay for heat? Perhaps he doesnt feel it. Minus 2 outside here today but a lovely 22 inside. Woke up nice and warm. Hope you will soon too.

DBML · 10/02/2021 10:29

@CandidaAlbicans2

Toulouser wins the race to claim the coldest house! 🏆🥇🥂🎉 Congrats Toulouser! Would you like to say a few words?!

😂 Any advance on 12.5 during the day, 8.5 overnight? Come on, someone must have a 12 degrees. OK, give me an 11.5?

I put my air conditioning on in the winter. If my family aren’t blue, it’s too warm!
llanjan · 10/02/2021 11:19

For you to offer him money might be taken as an insult to his pride.Maybe he grew up in a house with only a coal fire in the main room (as did i, bloody freezing, ice on inside of windows!) . How long must you endure it? Meantime hot water bottles all round are a must.

lifeover40 · 10/02/2021 12:01

Can you get a small heater for the area of house where you need it?

Localocal · 10/02/2021 12:13

I agree 16 is way too cold, especially if your DD is sitting still trying to do school work. But if he won't respond to "I'm so sorry but the girls are very cold blooded - can I contribute to the heating bill and turn it up?" then I think the reality is that you will have to see what else you can do to help them stay warm.

I have a pair of fingerless heated gloves that plug into the USB port on my computer. They work a treat for keeping my hands warm at my desk, which makes me feel warmer in general. A hot water bottle under the feet is also good, and bed socks really help. Tights under trackies and a long sleeved thermal under a shirt under a fleece will also help. I think if you bundle them carefully and add hot water bottles and fingerless gloves they will manage for a week.

But you are quite right and he is certainly being unreasonable in refusing to consider your comfort. 16 is very cold and having a tendency to be chilly is not a character flaw.

FinalSongbird · 10/02/2021 12:44

We have an old house, just checked and it's currently 12c. Pop a jumper on.

llanjan · 10/02/2021 13:30

Ditto cottage over two hundred years ,old thick stone walls ,wood burner going full blast gas heating too expensive. Throw blankets for everywhere.

Ginfordinner · 10/02/2021 14:29

@FinalSongbird

We have an old house, just checked and it's currently 12c. Pop a jumper on.
At 12 degrees, even with a jumper on it isn't warm enough if you aren't moving around. 12 degrees is coat weather for me.

It is difficult to concentrate when you are cold because being cold is all you can think about. Not everyone is as hardy as you.

JengaJanga · 10/02/2021 14:43

Its going to be -11 over night tonight and i the heating will have to stay on over night, otherwise the pipes may just freeze!!

We have been without heating for a month and have had it back afew days....

Hate being cold

biddybird · 10/02/2021 14:51

If FIL is accustomed to 16.5 degrees, he will be uncomfortable with the heating turned up. The guests should wrap up warmer.

OP might also consider purchasing a portable infrared heater to take with her (this type of heating warms up up the person sitting in front of it rather than the air).

NellyBarney · 10/02/2021 14:51

Our thermostat is set to 17 degrees and to 10 over night. In an older house any higher and it could make thousands of pounds difference. We already pay about 3k/year. Trick is to create heat locally. Do you have a wood burner, electric heater, gas fire or electric duvet? My personal favourites to stay warm are a hot water bottle I carry around everywhere and my two dogs on my feet and in bed.

ChasingRainbows19 · 11/02/2021 06:30

12 degrees outside would require a coat how is it a comfy inside temp?? I’m all for keep heating costs low and not having central heating on all the time but our dual fuel are under £800 a year. But 12?? Ha nope!

Ginfordinner · 11/02/2021 09:16

It is currently -4 outside. There is no way I am not having the heating on.

bloodywhitecat · 11/02/2021 11:08

Our thermostat is set to 12.5° overnight and 18-19° in the day, yesterday morning we woke to frozen waste pipes from the shower in the bathroom. We live in an old, poorly insulated house and it is not unusual to find damp in the unheated boot room to the extent that I had to throw out some coats that had gone mildew-y. We try to keep the house well ventilated and aired and warm especially as DP is undergoing chemo but to be honest we can't afford to spend any more on our fuel bills. We are both fairly hardy having grown up in the 70s but even we struggle sometimes with feeling cold.

Moonstone1234 · 11/02/2021 11:43

These threads just go round and round in circles with various people claiming they havent turned on the heating yet (!), put on various layers, pop on a jumper etc etc.

I hate being cold, I am not stingy, lots of people are though around heating costs. Yes, there are some people who cannot afford it but for others (dare I said it the older people...)they just choose to be cold and potentially miserable.

Life is just too short for this

Delatron · 11/02/2021 12:31

I think if you’re happy in colder temps then fine. Or obviously if you can’t afford it.

It’s those that walk around in multiple layers or huddle under a blanket yet refuse to put the heating on when they can afford it. I don’t want to walk around in loads of layers and gloves and then still be cold. I definitely don’t want to be under a blanket all day.

I currently have on thermal leggings, a ski base layer and a thick polo neck jumper. Yet I still have the heating on. I’m not prepared to put on more clothes than that!

FinalSongbird · 11/02/2021 14:13

Not everyone is as hardy as you

I'm definitely not hardy, it's just a compromise. I get a gorgeous 350 year old house in a dream location, it's just very cold.

I've put the heating on today to try to get it up to 15c. It's either that or refuse to move from Aga.

No mains gas here to my heating bills are... interesting!