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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to expect heating to be on?

583 replies

Glitterinthegrey · 08/02/2021 16:39

Me & DD's are spending our days at my FIL house for the next couple of weeks while some work is being done on our house.

We're having meals here, but I brought all the food with us, and I'm doing him dinner every day too.

It's absolutely freezing in his house! Youngest DD is sitting under a duvet in the spare room, and oldest is wearing her gloves to do her homework. There is snow on the ground outside. I asked him (politely) if we could put the heating on - he says it'll come on automatically if it goes below 16.5 degrees!

AIBU to think this is too bloody cold? He just shrugged and said that we should wear more clothes!

OP posts:
SinkGirl · 08/02/2021 16:54

MN is always full of people who claim their house is 11 degrees in winter and it’s perfectly fine.

Personally if the temp in our house is below 20 it’s unpleasant. This morning when I was woken at 4am by DT2 the hive read 16 degrees and I’m pretty sure it was the cold that woke him. I couldn’t cope with a house that cold and when we put the heating on it’s set at 22, but our house heats very efficiently so we only need it on for a bit in the morning and evening most of the time. If it drops below 20 it will go back on for half an hour.

Eckhart · 08/02/2021 16:54

OP, does he care that you and your children are cold? Does he just think you shouldn't be, and that's the end of it?

If so, I'd not stay there.

If he's worried about the cost, offer to put something towards the heating for the heating.

LaurieFairyCake · 08/02/2021 16:58

We have the hearing and the fire on right now - it's minus 1 outside and it's lovely to be toasty inside if you can afford it

AlwaysLatte · 08/02/2021 17:00

Brr that sounds cold! Ours is on at 20 usually (although my son has just been out for a snowball fight with a friend so he's just turned the sitting room radiators up and it's 24 there currently, also it gets warmer if we light the fire). Offer to pay for the extra heating!

Wishitsnows · 08/02/2021 17:01

Not great he doesn't want his guests to feel comfortable.

Sweet666 · 08/02/2021 17:03

What are you and your daughters wearing? If you're not wearing warm clothes and layers then I don't think you can complain. It's winter so can't expect to wear one layer... I am wearing leggings with trousers and fluffy socks, 2 tops and dressing gown when I want to be warm, when you are busy you warm up too, go for a fast walk and you will be warm when you get home

ChasingRainbows19 · 08/02/2021 17:12

We have our heating between 18-20 at this time of year. It’s off overnight and by morning it’s 14/15 in the house.

In summer the house is generally 24 degrees with no heating so it’s still cooler than summer temps.

I absolutely feel the cold in my hands I can wear jumpers, blankets etc but If I’m still and inactive my extremities are cold. I’m not wearing gloves inside.

Offer to pay towards heating. Some people are used to lower temps and won’t realise.

boredwiththeoldname · 08/02/2021 17:13

Where is the central heating thermostat? Chances are it's probably in a warm spot and just above the minimum, and the rest of the house is far colder.

We have to have our thermostat set at about 23 or 24, because some idiot installed it on the outside of the airing cupboard wall. Literally the warmest place in the entire house. If we had it set at 19, it would hardly ever come on and some of the upstairs rooms would be stone cold all the time.

Arobase · 08/02/2021 17:15

Can you surreptitiously turn the thermostat up? Or maybe import a couple of portable heaters?

CoronaIsWatching · 08/02/2021 17:16

I have mine at 16.5C and that's a perfectly fine temperature for me sat in jogging shorts and hoodie in the living room WFH.

Iyiyi · 08/02/2021 17:17

I am working at home and sitting at a desk all day - my house is on the cold side anyway so I have the heating on all day - that includes me being fully dressed including a jumper and a scarf. My partner comes in from working on a cold building site and thinks the house is boiling! If the OP and family are guests, they are prob alt doing a lot more sitting about than at home, and 16 would feel very chilly.

Idaofmarch · 08/02/2021 17:18

16.5 degrees is bloody cold.

I'd be miserable. Half a degree less and you could be sent hone from work for Christ sake.

Our heating is a warm 21-22 degrees and I love it.

Caramel81 · 08/02/2021 17:19

Ours is set to 20 during this cold weather and even that still feels a little chilly unless we have a couple of layers on. when I woke up the thermostat said 15 and it felt like a fridge! The house only feels really cosy when it’s up to 22-23 but we don’t usually do that as costs a lot

79andnotout · 08/02/2021 17:20

This reply has been deleted

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Touloser · 08/02/2021 17:20

You'd hate it here there - set for 12.5 during the day, 8.5 overnight!

SlightlyJaded · 08/02/2021 17:24

I've just bumped mine up from 19 to 21 here from 7am-11pm then down to 10 for night time.

We are comfortable, but I'm in a jumper and jeans and it's not super warm. 16.5 sounds miserable to me.

Thefirsttime · 08/02/2021 17:26

@Sweet666

I don't have heating at this time of year, put some extra layers of clothes on will help a lot
If you don’t have your heating on in the middle of winter (assuming you’re in the UK) at what time of year do you have the heating on??
Gwenhwyfar · 08/02/2021 17:27

@SuperLoudPoppingAction

Are you contributing to utilities? It would cost me a fortune to keep the house warmer than 16.5
If you have guests in the winter, you put the heating on. If you can't do that, you don't have guests.
Bubblebu · 08/02/2021 17:27

go to Robert Dyas and buy a plug in heater - the oil filled electric ones are good. plug it in in the room where your daughter is doing home work. tell FIL you are doing it and leave an envelope of cash for the extra electricity. Job done.

(you cannot tell other people how to heat their own house especially if they are living in it themselves and they are not hogging a single room to themselves which is heated where the rest of the house is not - how much money he has is kinda irrelevant).

FlamedToACrisp · 08/02/2021 17:30

Are you lot using different degrees from me? Our house is set to 21 in the day, 22 in the evening and 19 at night. We're all wearing fleece dressing-gowns over our clothes, and our bed has an extra fleece blanket. And we're still freeeeeezing!

Gwenhwyfar · 08/02/2021 17:30

@Touloser

You'd hate it here there - set for 12.5 during the day, 8.5 overnight!
That's cruel.
BritWifeinUSA · 08/02/2021 17:30

If it was 16 degrees outside people would be getting the barbecues and patio furniture out. We have ours set to around 16 (we use Fahrenheit here so it’s a rough conversion) but I’ve never needed gloves indoors.

justasking111 · 08/02/2021 17:30

Argos, get a fan heater for yourself. Our house set at 18c, but thermostat in hall so when I shut the sitting room door it gets really cosy. This morning was so cold even fully dressed I had to put a big fluffy dressing gown over the top of my teeshirt and big fluffy poloneck. I wear xmas type slipper socks with slipper boots over the top to keep my feet warm. If you cold you are cold.

SweatyAmy · 08/02/2021 17:30

@boredwiththeoldname

Where is the central heating thermostat? Chances are it's probably in a warm spot and just above the minimum, and the rest of the house is far colder.

We have to have our thermostat set at about 23 or 24, because some idiot installed it on the outside of the airing cupboard wall. Literally the warmest place in the entire house. If we had it set at 19, it would hardly ever come on and some of the upstairs rooms would be stone cold all the time.

Same here, ours is set at 22 or it doesn't go on due to the heat from the hot water tank.

My grandparents are stingy with the heating too. Last time I visited the house stank of damp and the walls were all mouldy. They refuse to do anything about it though, even when their children offered to help with the costs of heating.

They won't put the heating or hot water on even for guests - I stayed with them as a teen to help them after they had been ill, one had just had an operation. My grandfather complained that I didn't need to wash as I was only there for a week. There was an almighty row about my desire to wash my hair. I was permitted one bath in the end but it was tepid. I had never been so glad to return to my grotty Uni house to have a hot shower.

Sometimes people are so used to living a certain way that they don't realise others aren't the same or might actually be cold.

pollylocketpickedapocket · 08/02/2021 17:32

@HerLadySheep

Good grief! The minimum working temperature in the UK is 16 degrees and normal room temperature is considered to be around 20 degrees, there's some hot blooded people on this thread.

I can see why your children would be cold without the heating on, I would offer to contribute to any additional cost and ask him to turn it up.

You think hot blooded-I think tight!