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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to expect heating to be on?

583 replies

Glitterinthegrey · 08/02/2021 16:39

Me & DD's are spending our days at my FIL house for the next couple of weeks while some work is being done on our house.

We're having meals here, but I brought all the food with us, and I'm doing him dinner every day too.

It's absolutely freezing in his house! Youngest DD is sitting under a duvet in the spare room, and oldest is wearing her gloves to do her homework. There is snow on the ground outside. I asked him (politely) if we could put the heating on - he says it'll come on automatically if it goes below 16.5 degrees!

AIBU to think this is too bloody cold? He just shrugged and said that we should wear more clothes!

OP posts:
forinborin · 09/02/2021 21:20

@adventurealice

His house, his rules I'm afraid.

I fear this is a very English attitude. It’s an honour to have guests in your home and to accommodate them in my culture.

Yep, same here. I'd be mortified if my guests felt uncomfortable, or thought that they have to pay me for their stay.

I am not sure where £50/week of additional utility costs come from either. I keep a 4 bed house at 23 during the day and 18 during the night, hot baths every other day and my joint energy bill is only slightly north of £200 (with the lockdown cooking too). Unless FIL has a castle.

Original poster
Glitterinthegrey · 09/02/2021 21:22

[quote Britney1]@VinylDetective the OP isn't actually a guest. She is imposing herself and her children on her FIL , while her hse is renovated. She is the wife of FIL's son. She is poncing off him
while her hse being renovated .

If she has an issue with the temp he maintains his hse , she can:

Go to her own parents hse.
Rent somewhere.

She has no need to be so cold. She can go somewhere warmer. [/quote]
No, we can't - we are FIL support bubble. My mother is deceased, my father is not local, I have no other family. We were invited to stay - we would have attempted to make the best of things at home, financially we are not in a position to rent somewhere. I'd rather not be doing this in the middle of a pandemic, or winter for that matter, but sadly we are where we are!!

OP posts:
smilesy · 09/02/2021 21:26

I lived through the 70’s. I don’t remember living with temperatures of 12 degrees. That is cold. In fact, hypothermia can set in with an air temperature of 10 degrees. Having the temperature that low is not normal. I’m not having a go, I’m concerned!

PegasusReturns · 09/02/2021 21:26

@Casiloco what do you think about people who just feel comfortable with a lower temperature? Would you say they were mean, too? Not being an arse - just interested

I’d say it could very easily be interpreted as mean. It certainly shows a disregard for your guests comfort.

When I have visitors I try to do whatever I can to make them comfortable, I want them to enjoy their time in my house.

So if I knew I had a particularly odd quirk - and wanting your house to be 12c is - then I would suffer a bit of discomfort so as to be more accommodating.

DanceItOut · 09/02/2021 21:29

I don’t see the problem really. I guess different people are used to different temperatures. Ours is set to come on if it goes below 16 degrees. I will admit that being sat still at a desk all day in 16 degrees is quite chilly but we just pop on some slippers and blankets because normally when we are moving about rather than in all day homeschooling it’s fine. I can’t afford to have the heating on all day so we make do.

CatherinedeBourgh · 09/02/2021 21:30

[quote PegasusReturns]**@Casiloco what do you think about people who just feel comfortable with a lower temperature? Would you say they were mean, too? Not being an arse - just interested

I’d say it could very easily be interpreted as mean. It certainly shows a disregard for your guests comfort.

When I have visitors I try to do whatever I can to make them comfortable, I want them to enjoy their time in my house.

So if I knew I had a particularly odd quirk - and wanting your house to be 12c is - then I would suffer a bit of discomfort so as to be more accommodating.[/quote]
And if your guests preferred it colder, would you be willing to turn off the central heating?

If you would you are very rare. We never stay at anyone else’s in winter for this reason.

greeneyedlulu · 09/02/2021 21:32

Wow! My thermostat has been set to 24 degrees since October!! I turned it down in the mornings but its soon back up! But then this is a badly built house!

Dinkydody · 09/02/2021 21:53

😂🤣

EberhardtSmallcock · 09/02/2021 21:53

[quote PegasusReturns]**@Casiloco what do you think about people who just feel comfortable with a lower temperature? Would you say they were mean, too? Not being an arse - just interested

I’d say it could very easily be interpreted as mean. It certainly shows a disregard for your guests comfort.

When I have visitors I try to do whatever I can to make them comfortable, I want them to enjoy their time in my house.

So if I knew I had a particularly odd quirk - and wanting your house to be 12c is - then I would suffer a bit of discomfort so as to be more accommodating.[/quote]
Does this mean you'd turn the heating down, if you had guests who liked it colder? (I realise nobody's having guests ATM, so this is an academic question). Would you expect the guests to say if they found it too hot? My problem in a pre-Covid life is that I find other people's houses insufferably hot in winter - but I would never say so, for fear of being rude. So they would never know that I was dying of heat!

Ahardyfool · 09/02/2021 22:13

I’ve just come on purely to say that I am currently sat on the sofa with the heating as high as it will go, the log burner going, dog as a hot water bottle, thermal vest, thermal long sleeve and an agora jumper PLUS a blanket doubled over which I pre warmed on the radiator and I’m still cold. I always am. It’s miserable being as cold as me.

Casiloco · 09/02/2021 22:15

eberhardt.

If people are just catering for themselves and they are comfortable with a lower temperature, then of course that is fine. It's when it affects others.

If I had guests, I would try to make certain they were comfortable, but surely there are ways to cater for different "thermostats" - so windows open for people who are naturally warm or turning the radiator up in the bedroom of someone who feels the cold.

I live with someone who feels warm all year round so we have to compromise to a certain extent, but not so that someone is really uncomfortable. After all, the "hot" people can always take a layer off or sit by a window. I'm not going to sit in 3 layers and a coat and scarf watching telly.

DwarfQuasar · 09/02/2021 22:34

My home is the perfect temperature for me. I would regard 16 degrees as unpleasantly hot. Each to their own.

If i found 16 degrees unpleasantly hot I'd be going to the doctors and making sure I wasn't hyperthyroid.

I had a colleague who used to complain about the office being too hot in mid-winter, they found out he was severely hyperthyroid when investigating something else and he had to go on beta blockers pretty quickly and then nuke his thyroid.

Emeraldshamrock · 09/02/2021 22:45

Yanbu to want some heat fgs it is freezing he probably doesn't feel a chill.
It is an awful situation when you don't have a choice, tell him his DGC are cold and you'll pay the bill if necessary.

Hankunamatata · 09/02/2021 22:49

Mil housed used to be the same. I used to wear thermals and huge jumpers when visiting. Luckily fil now feels the cold. Oil filled radiator in the bedroom?

Kitdeluca1 · 09/02/2021 23:11

Some of these comments make me feel cold just reading them! Christ my heatings not been set lower than 21 since November, if anything it goes up to about 24 first thing for an hour then again about 6 ish. My gas bill makes me want to cry but fuck being cold!

U2HasTheEdge · 09/02/2021 23:15

That's bloody miserable OP.

I can't stand being cold. Using blankets is all good, until you have to move or WFH.

I grew up with no central heating and just a fire in the living and dining room. It was bloody miserable when we had to go to another room and we couldn't afford to have it on for that long. I would never subject my kids to a cold house unless I had no choice.

I also don't want them having to wear bloody scarves, three layers of winter clothing, snoods and have to cover themselves in blankets indoors just to be comfortable.

Blueink · 09/02/2021 23:23

I wouldn’t find it comfortable at that temperature, especially when sitting in online lessons etc, having to work in gloves as ur DD. Different individual factors influence what temperature feels comfortable. For me 20 would be low to normal not hot. Can u get a portable heater?

Ihatefish · 09/02/2021 23:25

[quote Marinaloves]@Ihatefish
The world isn’t fucking burning because some people have heating at 21 and some people at 18
I mean FFS[/quote]
You can FFS all you like but the fact is heating creates nearly half of the worlds co2 emissions, if everyone cut their heating by 3-4 degrees it would benefit the environment massively.

Ginfordinner · 09/02/2021 23:28

Our solar panels minimise our carbon footprint considerably. And our feed in tariff covers most of our utility bills.

Fluffmum · 09/02/2021 23:37

Far too cold. My house is 23 in the winter. Being too cold makes me feel ill

DBML · 09/02/2021 23:43

Wow, I have mine on at 23 degrees constantly and we live in a very efficient house, one of the highest SAPS ratings.

But I love the house to be snuggly warm. I tend to mooch around in shorts and a vest, I really dislike wearing jumpers or thick clothes in the house.

There is no way on this planet, I could live, work or study in 16 degree temperatures! I would be freezing. My mum and dads house is set to 18 degrees and I make sure I bring a blanket.

I have no other advice though op...I just hope your house is done quickly!

Devora13 · 10/02/2021 00:14

'That makes a change from all the boomers sitting in their expensive house with their massive pensions!'

Absolutely. Anyone fortunate enough to have been born into a different era where housing was more affordable, and pensions bore some relationship to salary should be thoroughly ashamed of themselves.
They should immediately sell up, donate the equity to a charity to save one legged battery chickens and live on bread, water and misery for the next 20 years or so.

Shhimtryingtosleep · 10/02/2021 00:28

I like 16c, thats comfortable for me. We snuggle with a blanket and dressing gowns. But that's what I'm used to, I stayed at someone else's house before and they had it set at 20c, it felt so hot to me that I couldn't sleep. Its just personal preference

PandemicAtTheDisco · 10/02/2021 00:55

We have relatives that live further North. They feel the cold much less and have a freezing house. We go there and wear more clothes. They visit us and wear less clothes. They would never expect us to turn the heating down so we were uncomfortable.

Muzer · 10/02/2021 04:05

a lot of people forget that humidity can effect how warm or cold you feel also its what your used to, the older generation would have seen frost on the inside of their windows in cold weather before central heating and double glazing Brrr Grin

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