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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to expect heating to be on?

583 replies

Glitterinthegrey · 08/02/2021 16:39

Me & DD's are spending our days at my FIL house for the next couple of weeks while some work is being done on our house.

We're having meals here, but I brought all the food with us, and I'm doing him dinner every day too.

It's absolutely freezing in his house! Youngest DD is sitting under a duvet in the spare room, and oldest is wearing her gloves to do her homework. There is snow on the ground outside. I asked him (politely) if we could put the heating on - he says it'll come on automatically if it goes below 16.5 degrees!

AIBU to think this is too bloody cold? He just shrugged and said that we should wear more clothes!

OP posts:
Bertiebiscuit · 09/02/2021 19:51

Too cold if you are sitting around - might be OK if you were doing physical things - I have my thermostat at 20 degrees in evenings when I'm not moving around much

VinylDetective · 09/02/2021 19:57

Op is a guest

Most people want their guests to be comfortable.

cuparfull · 09/02/2021 19:58

@covetingthepreciousthings

Good grief! The minimum working temperature in the UK is 16 degree

I didn't think there was a minimum working temperature..?
I think it's generally expected it should be 16 for staff to be comfortable but I don't think it's enforceable or enforced.

HSEwww.hse.gov.uk › temperature › law The Approved Code of Practice suggests the minimum temperature in a workplace should normally be at least 16 degrees Celsius. If the work involves rigorous physical effort, the temperature should be at least 13 degrees Celsius......21 Jul 2020

For comfort sitting around in the home its recognised to be iro 20 degrees but each to their own.

Lulu49 · 09/02/2021 20:06

There is a minimum or a maximum but can’t remember which

Britney1 · 09/02/2021 20:07

"@VinylDetective
Most people want their guests to be comfortable"

Not when it costs them a small 2 week fortune . Most people plan and invite guests. Not have them hoist upon them when the guests are undergoing renovations.

Britney1 · 09/02/2021 20:11

@VinylDetective taken my original txt out of context.

The full txt reads : "the OP is a guest in her FIL's home and not contributing to heating costs"

DenisetheMenace · 09/02/2021 20:16

Today 09:13 KatharinaRosalie

highest he’ll let me have it is at 19 and he puts it down to 17 every time he passes the thermostat

Women are affected by cold more than men, so he's being selfish setting the thermostat to his comfort level.”

Tricky one. Wound it not be equally selfish vice versa?

PegasusReturns · 09/02/2021 20:17

@pollymere

If it doesn't drop much below 12 then it's not an issue

Of course it’s an issue - how miserable to live in the permanent cold.

Fatandfifty49 · 09/02/2021 20:18

I don't know. So many people are funny about paying for heating yet will happily spend on luxuries

Flatoutonsofa · 09/02/2021 20:18

16.5 is okay if you're moving about, but most people would eventually start to get cold if, like your kids, they are sitting studying or working at a desk. Give him some cash and ask him to turn the heating up.

DenisetheMenace · 09/02/2021 20:20

FossilisedFanny

My heating is set at 24 degrees! 16 is way too cold.“

24 degrees would finish us all off here! Couldn’t bear (bare? Never sure) it.

Britney1 · 09/02/2021 20:23

@VinylDetective the OP isn't actually a guest. She is imposing herself and her children on her FIL , while her hse is renovated. She is the wife of FIL's son. She is poncing off him
while her hse being renovated .

If she has an issue with the temp he maintains his hse , she can:

Go to her own parents hse.
Rent somewhere.

She has no need to be so cold. She can go somewhere warmer.

Familyshopper · 09/02/2021 20:26

This house never goes bellow 22 all day so she is more than welcome to sit here & if she’s gonna bring the food & cook for me she’s never leaving !

roarfeckingroarr · 09/02/2021 20:29

@SoCrimeaRiver

Our heating is set at 17 in the day and 17.5 at night, comes on once the heating drops a full degree below that, so about your DFIL's house temperature. We have blankets on the sofas, curtains over doors and 3 layers of clothes at home, and a scarf / snood if you feel the chill as it really helps. If it's uneconomical to heat, or he's used to that temperature, you can see why he'd want to keep to his usual temperature, not raise it just because you're staying with him.
Why live like this if you don't have to?!
EberhardtSmallcock · 09/02/2021 20:34

@VinylDetective

Op is a guest

Most people want their guests to be comfortable.

Well... this has its limits.
  1. OP isn't exactly a guest, and has offered to pay to increase the temperature.
  1. Guests should be comfortable, but not at the expense (physical, and financial - though the latter is less important) of the host.

I have stayed, pre-Covid, with friends whose houses are ridiculously hot (IMO). I have just suffered the heat though sleepless nights and uncomfortable days, though - I didn't expect them to turn the heating down just to make me comfortable.

pollymere · 09/02/2021 20:39

@PegasusReturns The point is that this is an acceptable temperature. In 1970 12 deg C was the average indoor room temperature. These days people expect rooms to be warmer. OP's FIL thermostat kicks in at 16.5. This is a perfectly acceptable temp for a bedroom or a hallway by modern standards. There's no mention of whether a fire could be switched on or lit in the living areas which would warm up those rooms. I was brought up with these temperatures. Worth checking the thermostat works but 16.5 won't harm you! I'm sure you go outside without a coat in less.

Ihatefish · 09/02/2021 20:57

Bloody hell no wonder the world is burning if people are sitting round in t shirts at 25 degrees and no wonder everyone’s fat.

We have our heating at 17 degrees and frost protect over night. Blankets on sofa in the evening. Our 8 year old wonders round in t shirts at that cost he’s used to it.

I’m with your FIL I’d hate it if someone was asking for me to heat my home to what our family would find uncomfortable temps. Either wrap up or put up with FIl walking round naked trying to cool down

Wantosleep39 · 09/02/2021 21:04

16 degrees is Cold. Very cold. I always dread to go other people’s house in winter. How can they bare to live like that. Living in this cold brings life quality down like living life uncomfortable cold temperature like Having your hands and feet cold all the time. It’s not relaxing, extremely uncomfortable. Most of the people can afford putting it 20 at least. Most of the people are set their mind that like heating shouldn’t be more than 16 no matter what. When people come to my place, they love the warmth. Home should be nice and warm not cold and miserable

Marinaloves · 09/02/2021 21:07

@Ihatefish
The world isn’t fucking burning because some people have heating at 21 and some people at 18
I mean FFS

EberhardtSmallcock · 09/02/2021 21:10

@Wantosleep39

16 degrees is Cold. Very cold. I always dread to go other people’s house in winter. How can they bare to live like that. Living in this cold brings life quality down like living life uncomfortable cold temperature like Having your hands and feet cold all the time. It’s not relaxing, extremely uncomfortable. Most of the people can afford putting it 20 at least. Most of the people are set their mind that like heating shouldn’t be more than 16 no matter what. When people come to my place, they love the warmth. Home should be nice and warm not cold and miserable
I could afford to put my heating on 27 degrees, if I wanted to.

But I don't, because I like to feel comfortable in my own home.

It isn't about the money. It's about people having their own house set to a temperature that they are happy with.

I am not cold at 12 degrees. It's probably hormonal, but it's my house, so I can set the thermostat to whatever temperature I like. Guests aren't an issue at the moment, obviously.

My home is the perfect temperature for me. I would regard 16 degrees as unpleasantly hot. Each to their own.

forinborin · 09/02/2021 21:11

16 degrees is very, very cold. My ex in-laws were like that, you could see your breath in their house, and everyone wore puffer vests and two jumpers inside, and slept with hot water bottles. Visits were, honestly, a torture, I could not sleep as my fingers and toes were icy. And it wasn't financial, they were very well off. I still can't understand the reason - it wasn't even that they did not enjoy warmth, they used to take quite a lot of holidays to tropical areas in the winter to escape the cold.

Seasidemumma77 · 09/02/2021 21:16

With this cold snap I've upped thermostat from 16c to 17c. Firmly believe nothing wrong with wearing, thermal vests, jumpers and slippers in winter. If the children and I are appropriately dressed and still cold, I would up thermostat again

Casiloco · 09/02/2021 21:16

When I was a student and living in digs, it was so cold in the winter you could see your breath in the air when you were in bed! It was bloody arctic. There was a 2-bar electric fire in my room and if I was having a bath, I'd put the fire on before I went for my bath so that I didn't come back into a fridge. The mean old bat who was my landlady used to come into my room and turn it off!!

Meanness with heating is a criminal offence for me.

PegasusReturns · 09/02/2021 21:18

@pollymere

The point is that this is an acceptable temperature. In 1970 12 deg C was the average indoor room temperature

That’s not the point you made though Confused

You claimed that unless it was below 12c there wasn’t much of an issue. Which is rubbish - for the vast majority of people 12c is unpleasantly cold.

Who cares if that was the average temperature in the 70s - they started over 50 years ago!

EberhardtSmallcock · 09/02/2021 21:19

@Casiloco what do you think about people who just feel comfortable with a lower temperature? Would you say they were mean, too? Not being an arse - just interested.