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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

DH lost laptop and now assignment will be late

417 replies

FuckingFabulous · 08/02/2021 09:22

Ok, before I start, he's not horrible and I don't need to LTB. He has ADHD, but at the moment I'm too cross to consider that relevant, even though it definitely is.

I have an assignment due at midday on Wednesday for my degree. I already had a weeks extension because I'm a carer for DD and her condition has been worsening lately. I've been called by the hospital this morning and been given a last minute appointment for our DD, so she is going into hospital tomorrow for tests and I'm accompanying her. I intended to shut myself away with my notes and drafts today, get it all typed up, edit and send. DH knows this was my plan anyway, but I would probably have proofread on Tuesday and then sent. Due to the high needs of DD, this one day "off" to type everything from my notes works well for me.

Anyway. I've gone to get my laptop. It's not there. DH was the last person to use it to update his CV about a fortnight ago. I asked DH for it but he said he wasn't sure where he had put it and he didn't know if he'd be able to find it. He then went into a massive speech about how we both need to organise and sort our bedroom today and that he can't be expected to do it on his own, that the laptop is likely to be in any one of the stacks of stuff in there.

He only can't find it because over the last week he has taken it upon himself to create piles and piles of shit everywhere in our bedroom (clothes he was sorting, tools he was sorting, paperwork he was sorting, stuff for the loft he was sorting) and as much as it pisses me off, I've not helped him because he did half a job like always and expected me to project manage and do most of it myself. I took a stand and told him that this is not my problem to sort, it's his, and then did nothing except remind him that it's not going to sort itself (while inwardly seething about it and pep talking myself into ignoring all the stuff).

He's definitely not the type to hide my laptop so I have to help him sort the mess he's created, he's more likely to have simply bundled it into his piles of random stuff and didn't pay attention to where.

But I'm fuming. Absolutely fucking fuming. I've gone upstairs and DH is just sitting on the edge of the bed staring at all his stacks, obviously overwhelmed by the huge amount of work he's created for me himself and waiting for me to come and sort it all out!! I feel he's been totally inconsiderate, both of my course and of my belongings, and I'm feeling very upset, very unsupported and very fucking angry!! I've just had to ask my tutor for another extension, which makes me look bad and makes me feel like a piss taker. I am so angry. I've told DH that I am feeling this way and that he can get on with finding my laptop and he's still not moved but is now giving me the silent treatment.

AIBU to expect him to damn well find it?! And to apologise for this extra stress he's created?

OP posts:
Shoppingwithmother · 08/02/2021 09:26

Surely the best thing is to just get on with looking for it? You can surely look through the piles without actually sorting everything out and putting it away?

araiwa · 08/02/2021 09:27

Well you could have found it in less time than it took to write your rant.

Just go find it and let him deal with the rest

AbsitivelyPosolutely · 08/02/2021 09:27

Just look for your laptop.

buzzandwoodyallday · 08/02/2021 09:28

Just look through the stuff for the laptop. Don't help him tidy his crap away though.

AStudyinPink · 08/02/2021 09:30

How do you get to a point where there’s so much mess you can’t find a laptop with two grown humans on the case?

Mousehole10 · 08/02/2021 09:30

There can’t be that much stuff in one room can there? Just start looking for it, your DH onside of the room and you the other. Can’t see that you need an extension for it, what would you even say, my laptops lost in my room?

Godimabitch · 08/02/2021 09:31

Look for it but dont tidy up after him. Just go through all the stuff.

Whatsnewpussyhat · 08/02/2021 09:31

A laptop isn't a small item. Just how big are these piles of crap that it isn't easily spotted?

GrettaGreen · 08/02/2021 09:32

Be angry but go and look for it. Cutting your nose off to spite your face springs to mind.

magicstar1 · 08/02/2021 09:32

It’s one room! How much stuff could there be? Find the bloody laptop and leave the rest for him to tidy up. You’d have done it by now if you’d looked instead of posting.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 08/02/2021 09:33

You need to find the laptop now. Then you can shut yourself away with it and get the coursework done. Leave him to his piles.

Hbs21 · 08/02/2021 09:33

Find the laptop without tidying. Once you've found it let your tutor know and explain you had misplaced the laptop but it is found now and you won't need the extension. Have a conversation about this with your husband when you've finished your assignment.

AllMyPrettyOnes · 08/02/2021 09:34

Well it's got to be in the house somewhere. Do you really need another extension?! It could turn up in ten minutes.

LIZS · 08/02/2021 09:34

Just sort through the piles. You don't need to do his putting away. Tbh it was always going to be difficult to hit the extended deadline if you have had a two week gap. Sorry your dd is ill.

FFSAllTheGoodOnesArereadyTaken · 08/02/2021 09:34

Yanbu, I think the people saying just go and do it yourself are missing the point that he seems to always be getting you to sort out his mess ups. But I'd be more pissed off that he wasnt trying to find it, than the initial losing it. However don't cut off your nose to spite your face if you think you can find it quicker than him

Respectabitch · 08/02/2021 09:34

In the meantime, is your stuff backed up to the cloud via OneDrive/Google drive or similar? If you can borrow a laptop and write it anyway, I'd totally do that and let him crack on.

Hoppinggreen · 08/02/2021 09:35

I don’t blame you for being angry and of course he should find it
However, you need your laptop so go and find it

Wankerchief · 08/02/2021 09:35

Im struggling with this one.
If you were that desperate to find it then surely you would look rather than prove a point.
Unless you live in a tip it wont take that long

Chocomel · 08/02/2021 09:35

It's misplaced, and it's your assignment that's going to be late. It's infuriating, but you need to find it. So..... less Mumsnet and more sorting? (Frankly I'd be putting the piles of 'stuff' into bin bags.). Channel your fury into clearing and finding it. Don't lend your laptop in future, and keep backups on a USB stick or your google drive. Lesson learnt.

SmileyClare · 08/02/2021 09:38

I can't help thinking you've used this as an excuse to get another extension?

Laptops are big and solid. It'll be easy to find Confused Just both go through all the piles of stuff in the bedroom until you find it..both of you. He shouldn't expect you to sort out his mistake.

Skipsurvey · 08/02/2021 09:40

I assumed you meant he had taken it out of the house

just search and you will find it, in the house!

AllTheWayFromLondonDAMN · 08/02/2021 09:41

Another person saying unless you live in Buckingham Palace it surely can’t be that hard to find it!

FuckingFabulous · 08/02/2021 09:42

@SmileyClare

I can't help thinking you've used this as an excuse to get another extension?

Laptops are big and solid. It'll be easy to find Confused Just both go through all the piles of stuff in the bedroom until you find it..both of you. He shouldn't expect you to sort out his mistake.

Lol.

I don't want an extension. I want to type and send my assignment! That was the plan for today.

And to everyone who has said I should find it, you have no idea of the sheer scale of stuff he's filled our room with. He's practically emptied the loft and his shed into our room, emptied the boxes, repacked half the boxes in a haphazard manner and is going through it. His idea is that we can minimise. One wall in our room is almost floor to ceiling with boxes and piles.

OP posts:
Camphillgirl · 08/02/2021 09:43

Don’t start randomly chucking stuff around. Start in one corner of the room and systematically go round the room. Luckily it’s in the house and not left on a bus. It will turn up.

Pinkmarsh · 08/02/2021 09:43

You probably could have found it in the time it took to write the post!

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