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AIBU?

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Original poster

Parents in dc's class lying about homeschooling!!!

294 replies

Pastasau · 07/02/2021 22:32

On both dc's WhatsApp groups, a certain few parents have been going on & on about how their kids are doing the bare minimum, no time to do the extra work set & they are absolutely not pushing the schoolwork & do not force the kids to finish any of it...
However dc had a social zoom call with some friends from the class, one said she wasn't allowed to go on as she had a zoom with her tutor, the other friend whose mom is the one appearing most relaxed & nonchalant about the school work has her dd up at 6.30 to do 2 hours work before the actual schooling begins! Her dd told my dd her mom recaps all the lessons for an hour after the live lessons, insists all work is done, all extras plus the schedule of work she sets herself!
Aibu to think some parents are blatently lying when they say they are relaxed & easygoing about the work? And why lie?

OP posts:
hansgrueber · 08/02/2021 14:58

Don't parents generally lie/exaggerate about things concerning their children in all situations, not just during lockdown?

hellejuice91 · 08/02/2021 14:58

I think they are probably claiming they are doing very little because they know that some parents - who are doing their absolute best - are feeling guilty about how little school work their child is doing. Maybe they don't want to rub it in

theleafandnotthetree · 08/02/2021 15:01

Stay off the WhatsApp groups I say, hideous things

Imloosingmyshit · 08/02/2021 15:01

No idea why people lie. Especially something so pointless. I wouldn’t pay attention to it. This is my only social media. I don’t have any other. I’m not interested in letting people mess with my head

MintyMabel · 08/02/2021 15:05

I am not ‘ambitious for’ my partner

Neither am I. He is an adult and makes his own choices.

But I am raising my daughter to reach her potential, to give her the choices she needs to allow her to do whatever it is she wants to do.

If any parent seriously suggests they would be entirely ok with their academically adept child making no effort in education whatsoever and reaching adulthood with no wish to have anything other than a minimum wage job their entire life, as long as they had fun, I'd suspect they were lying.

MintyMabel · 08/02/2021 15:06

Don't parents generally lie/exaggerate about things concerning their children in all situations, not just during lockdown?

Not the parents I know.

justanotherneighinparadise · 08/02/2021 15:07

Well it’s the same thing as when people ask if you’re fine? They don’t really want to know if you’re fine, it’s a social nicety. So if the question is ‘how’s the home schooling going’ then the answer is ‘fine’ or ‘rubbing along’. It’s a generic bullshit answer in the same way so many things are during small talk.

justanotherneighinparadise · 08/02/2021 15:08

@MintyMabel

I am not ‘ambitious for’ my partner

Neither am I. He is an adult and makes his own choices.

But I am raising my daughter to reach her potential, to give her the choices she needs to allow her to do whatever it is she wants to do.

If any parent seriously suggests they would be entirely ok with their academically adept child making no effort in education whatsoever and reaching adulthood with no wish to have anything other than a minimum wage job their entire life, as long as they had fun, I'd suspect they were lying.

So you are one of those parents? That’s fine. Just own it.
Wearywithteens · 08/02/2021 15:14

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

MintyMabel · 08/02/2021 15:28

So you are one of those parents? That’s fine. Just own it.

A parent who wants my child to have the opportunity to make whatever decisions they want? Yes, I'm one of those parents.

She can be a hairdresser, or a plumber or she can be a lawyer, or she can be a SAHM or she can run a multinational corporation. My job is to give her the foundation where she can choose any of those things. To make sure she is doing things because she chooses to, not as a fall back option. That way she will be happy at what she does.

How funny you think that is something I'm supposed to be ashamed of. Doesn't every parent want their child to be happy with their future?

justanotherneighinparadise · 08/02/2021 16:12

@MintyMabel

So you are one of those parents? That’s fine. Just own it.

A parent who wants my child to have the opportunity to make whatever decisions they want? Yes, I'm one of those parents.

She can be a hairdresser, or a plumber or she can be a lawyer, or she can be a SAHM or she can run a multinational corporation. My job is to give her the foundation where she can choose any of those things. To make sure she is doing things because she chooses to, not as a fall back option. That way she will be happy at what she does.

How funny you think that is something I'm supposed to be ashamed of. Doesn't every parent want their child to be happy with their future?

I’m not suggesting you feel anything about it. I’m saying you fall into the bracket of a pushy, ambitious parent and you should own your truth. It will set you free eventually
MintyMabel · 08/02/2021 16:25

I’m saying you fall into the bracket of a pushy, ambitious parent and you should own your truth. It will set you free eventually

Pushy? Did you see the bit where we've told DD it is up to her if she does the school work? I do own my truth and it works well for us. But again I need to ask, why the hell are you so worried about how I'm raising my DD? What difference does it make to you?

There are long, heated threads with parents arguing whether feeding formula or BM is "best" for babies. Are you suggesting most parents don't care what is "best" for their kids beyond how they are fed for the first 6 months?

Thanks for making the point so beautifully though. The minute you stick your head above the parapet and state your case, someone will jump in with a judgement of it, no matter what it is you do.

Imloosingmyshit · 08/02/2021 16:30

See what I mean. People messing with each other’s heads. What the point ?Hmm

justanotherneighinparadise · 08/02/2021 16:30

Pushy? Did you see the bit where we've told DD it is up to her if she does the school work?

You have a malleable child. Many people do. Often girls as they are more prone to be ‘nice’. You may also have a bright, malleable child. That’s lucky! I’m sure with you pushing along behind her she’ll go far.

Anniying · 08/02/2021 16:33

This is exactly why parents lie. This reaction to @MintyMabel is typical of anyone finding out aother person's DC is doing well in school.

Cue lots of "she has a tutor", "she's a teacher's pet", "the poor child has no life", "I'd rather my DC enjoy their childhood", and whatever excuses they need to make to feel about about their DC's performance. Just focus on your own DC

MintyMabel · 08/02/2021 16:46

You have a malleable child. Many people do. Often girls as they are more prone to be ‘nice’. You may also have a bright, malleable child. That’s lucky! I’m sure with you pushing along behind her she’ll go far.

Oh bless. You really are a try hard, aren't you. She's the least malleable child I know - having CP and having to fight your corner just to be able to be included will see to that.

The only thing she is pushed to do is the physio which will ensure she doesn't need more surgery and still has use of her legs in ten years time. Maybe I shouldn't do that either, eh? Leave her to "just enjoy her childhood" even if that does include painful surgery and long recovery. Maybe my "ambition" for her not to be a full time wheelchair user is a bit to much, yeah?

But you carry on with your judgements if it makes you feel better. I know some people really need to do that for whatever reason.

This is exactly why parents lie. This reaction to @MintyMabel is typical of anyone finding out another person's DC is doing well in school.

Yep. It's so funny and predictable, isn't it. Glad MN didn't disappoint in rushing to make my point so well. Wink

Staffdontblowitnow · 08/02/2021 16:52

I have kids who are still having organised tutoring sessions and do extra homework. (including some Year 13 pupils - parents want them to be fully prepped for uni). About 90% do every bit of work a set with 75% being to a very good standard.

I am now rocketing through the specification.

HauntedPencil · 08/02/2021 16:57

@MintyMabel

Why do you need to say it though? Is it because you want to say it or would it be a truthful response to a question

DD was a great sleeper and I was part of a local (non baby related) group where there were a couple of other parents with non sleeping babies. It was always a question that was asked and I used to gloss over it because I knew the other parents were really struggling.

The topic du jour for parents is home schooling. On every zoom call where there are a mix of parents and non parents, the question is always asked "how is the home school going" I know a few colleagues are really struggling. Am I going to admit it is entirely plain sailing for us and piss off those who are finding it really hard?

This is totally why I think they'd do it and I don't see what's wrong with saying so - my children slept really well but I wouldn't wang on about it jn parents groups and downplay it

They absolutely don't take to homeschool as well though we struggle.

BungleandGeorge · 08/02/2021 16:58

It’s a ‘thing’ to project this nonchalant, wine glass in hand persona, it’s getting a bit old now! There aren’t honestly that many school parents who I’d consider actual real friends who I’d have chosen if they didn’t have a same age child. Saying your child is doing no work etc whilst employing a tutor and spending hours with them doesn’t come across well to me but I couldn’t be bothered to care much if it’s just a school parent!

NerrSnerr · 08/02/2021 17:13

This thread shows how much of a touchy subject it is. They're probably lying to fit in and not piss people off (or the child isn't telling the truth).

LolaSmiles · 08/02/2021 17:25

BungleandGeorge
I can't stand the wine glass in hand faux-neglectful mummy thing. Why was it ever a hilarious thing to talk about how your children drive you to a borderline alcohol problem and you almost set the house on fire when you baked cookies?
It's in the similar area to those who claim they aren't image conscious, don't pay attention to clothes and their children have 'just thrown on what they like'. Actually their children's wardrobe is full of expensive scandi brands and although the children might pick what they like for the day, their children look like every other slightly middle class 'look we are so quirky' child.

Some people bullshit before having children, so it's hardly surprising some bullshit once they have children.

justanotherneighinparadise · 08/02/2021 17:35

@MintyMabel

You have a malleable child. Many people do. Often girls as they are more prone to be ‘nice’. You may also have a bright, malleable child. That’s lucky! I’m sure with you pushing along behind her she’ll go far.

Oh bless. You really are a try hard, aren't you. She's the least malleable child I know - having CP and having to fight your corner just to be able to be included will see to that.

The only thing she is pushed to do is the physio which will ensure she doesn't need more surgery and still has use of her legs in ten years time. Maybe I shouldn't do that either, eh? Leave her to "just enjoy her childhood" even if that does include painful surgery and long recovery. Maybe my "ambition" for her not to be a full time wheelchair user is a bit to much, yeah?

But you carry on with your judgements if it makes you feel better. I know some people really need to do that for whatever reason.

This is exactly why parents lie. This reaction to @MintyMabel is typical of anyone finding out another person's DC is doing well in school.

Yep. It's so funny and predictable, isn't it. Glad MN didn't disappoint in rushing to make my point so well. Wink

And there we go. HUGE drip feed 🙄
HauntedPencil · 08/02/2021 18:24

@BungleandGeorge

It’s a ‘thing’ to project this nonchalant, wine glass in hand persona, it’s getting a bit old now! There aren’t honestly that many school parents who I’d consider actual real friends who I’d have chosen if they didn’t have a same age child. Saying your child is doing no work etc whilst employing a tutor and spending hours with them doesn’t come across well to me but I couldn’t be bothered to care much if it’s just a school parent!
It does seem quite the exaggeration- I think you could either gloss over or say nothing on it.
WhatToDo82 · 08/02/2021 18:29

It’s perfectly acceptable to tell little white lies in this climate, when a lot of people are struggling and your “honesty” could make a lot of parents feel like shit.

And it’s called humility.

redpencil77 · 08/02/2021 18:31

@Pastasau

On both dc's WhatsApp groups, a certain few parents have been going on & on about how their kids are doing the bare minimum, no time to do the extra work set & they are absolutely not pushing the schoolwork & do not force the kids to finish any of it... However dc had a social zoom call with some friends from the class, one said she wasn't allowed to go on as she had a zoom with her tutor, the other friend whose mom is the one appearing most relaxed & nonchalant about the school work has her dd up at 6.30 to do 2 hours work before the actual schooling begins! Her dd told my dd her mom recaps all the lessons for an hour after the live lessons, insists all work is done, all extras plus the schedule of work she sets herself! Aibu to think some parents are blatently lying when they say they are relaxed & easygoing about the work? And why lie?
Course they are - it'll be the same one who "doesn't care what DC do in the future as long as they are happy" and have had it planned out since birth