Parents in dc's class lying about homeschooling!!!

[Pastasau]

On both dc's WhatsApp groups, a certain few parents have been going on & on about how their kids are doing the bare minimum, no time to do the extra work set & they are absolutely not pushing the schoolwork & do not force the kids to finish any of it...
However dc had a social zoom call with some friends from the class, one said she wasn't allowed to go on as she had a zoom with her tutor, the other friend whose mom is the one appearing most relaxed & nonchalant about the school work has her dd up at 6.30 to do 2 hours work before the actual schooling begins! Her dd told my dd her mom recaps all the lessons for an hour after the live lessons, insists all work is done, all extras plus the schedule of work she sets herself!
Aibu to think some parents are blatently lying when they say they are relaxed & easygoing about the work? And why lie?

This happens all the time on Mumsnet! If you have a single workbook at home you're hot housing, if your children do more than a couple of extracurriculars they must be exhausted and not get any downtime, if you need a tutor for the 11+ they probably shouldn't be going to a grammar school etc.

My 6 year old had workbooks pre covid, does lots of extra curriculars, sees friends and family at the weekend as well as doing outdoorsy stuff with us, playing boardgames etc. She still spends far more time than is recommended on Netflix and Minecraft. Being ambitious for your children is not seen as cool.

you’re making probably the most juvenile straw man argument I’ve come across in a long time.

The argument made perfect sense to me. Boils down to "don't make your decisions based on what others do" What's strawman about that?

Except in this case it seems to be ‘dumbing down with the Joneses’: “They’ve claimed they’re doing zero school work, so I too will do zero school work. Oh no, the snidey sods were actually doing plenty of school work, and now they’ve artificially pushed their kids ahead by tricking me into doing nothing!!!!”

How would people responded if they said they were doing everything they could to make sure their children didn't a fall behind? They'd be accused of boasting/hothousing/neglecting their mental wellbeing blah blah blah. Nobody can win, can they? No matter what they admit to, they will be berated for it.

Thank you @MintyMabel. Gosh she is batty

I think you are far to invested in these groups. I don't discuss how much my kids are doing or how well they are doing because it's no one else's business outside of us and the school. If asked I would give some basic answer like we are doing as much as we can. People will take from that what they like. In reality my kids are completing all work set with my support so they don't fall behind with their work. What anyone else does is no business of mine.

How would people responded if they said they were doing everything they could to make sure their children didn't a fall behind? They'd be accused of boasting/hothousing/neglecting their mental wellbeing blah blah blah. Nobody can win, can they? No matter what they admit to, they will be berated for it.

If 'we are doing all we can to prevent them falling behind' was accompanied with the sort of sanctimonious I'm an awesome parent tone and/or the implication that others are happy with their child falling behind and/or a lengthy summary of all the educational activities they are doing then people will inwardly roll their eyes. Rightly so because it's silly.

People can win though. They're just honest about their kids without making a huge fuss about it, and then they have enough interests to maintain friendships that don't centre on Mummies and Daddies comparing notes on the intricacies of their children education.

It's like babies sleeping, isn't it. I never wanted to be that person who said her baby slept through even though they did. Some of my children have gone way ahead of the class material but there's no way to say that without being a...

Op here, I don't care how the other kids in the class are performing except my own, I've no problem saying thankfully all got done eventually etc.... Why lie? This mum blatenly lied, her dc told a completely different story.
There are 26 kids in the class, the whatsapp group has 42 members between mom's, dads, guardians etc. Why contribute to the conversation to lie? To be honest noone was complaining really except for her!!!

Or maybe they just want their kids to be doing well

No 6 year old needs to be up at 530/6am to do the days work before everyone else just so they can ask for extra work for the rest of the day.

Disclaimer - I don’t particularly care about how other kids are doing, but it irks me no end when I know some people are blatantly lying about what their children are doing. No idea why they do it.

@tawnytowel

Yeah there are loads at it. In DDs class they sit just off the screen hovering over their kids and telling them the answers or what to write. In our case they’re all SAHMs whose main aim in life seems to be elevating their child to the coveted status of teachers pet. Seems to be that mums of girls are worse.

School keeps giving all these kids awards for how well they’re doing too. Nothing for the ones who are actually sat by themselves trying to make the best of it whilst parents juggle work.

It’s changed my opinion of a lot of people.

This ^

The funniest thing the other day in a quiz for 6 year olds, they had to name a food beginning with z. One kid piped straight up with zucchini. (Obvs a parent helping)...!

Why lie? This mum blatenly lied, her dc told a completely different story

Again, who cares?

In our case they’re all SAHMs whose main aim in life seems to be elevating their child to the coveted status of teachers pet. Seems to be that mums of girls are worse.

Nice double dig at SAHMS and parents of girls there.

Are you sure the child wasn't telling porkies? There's a lot of showing off and exaggerating that goes on.

I never wanted to be that person who said her baby slept through even though they did. Some of my children have gone way ahead of the class material but there's no way to say that without being a...

Exactly.

OH and I are both WFH, DD is 11, get herself ready for home school, logs in by herself - on time. Participates in the work with no input required from us and when she's done with the school work, which she generally finishes quickly, logs in and does some duolingo or sumdog to pass the time until the next call. She's in the top group for maths and english. If she chose not to engage, that would be fine too, we've left it up to her, letting her know the consequences of each option.

I would never, ordinarily, type that paragraph on Mumsnet and not anywhere else on SM, nor say it out loud in person. I can imagine the reaction it would normally get. I'd be lying, or bragging, or accused of not letting her be a child or risking her mental health.

@Manteo

This happens all the time on Mumsnet! If you have a single workbook at home you're hot housing, if your children do more than a couple of extracurriculars they must be exhausted and not get any downtime, if you need a tutor for the 11+ they probably shouldn't be going to a grammar school etc.

My 6 year old had workbooks pre covid, does lots of extra curriculars, sees friends and family at the weekend as well as doing outdoorsy stuff with us, playing boardgames etc. She still spends far more time than is recommended on Netflix and Minecraft. Being ambitious for your children is not seen as cool.

That’s not true either! It’s not for you to be ambitious for your children. It’s for your children to enjoy their childhood alongside your support. You’re letting your ego get in the way which is why you’ve no doubt been criticised in the past.

@MintyMabel Exactly. That’s the response I see every summer when someone mentions that their dc still do some work over the summer.
Like their childhood is over because they’ve done some maths a few times a week.

@lioncitygirl

Or maybe they just want their kids to be doing well

No 6 year old needs to be up at 530/6am to do the days work before everyone else just so they can ask for extra work for the rest of the day.

Indeed they don’t.

But in quoting me out of context you’ve created something of a non sequitur. “Maybe they just want their children to be doing well” was not a justification for the (possibly apocryphal) assertion that a primary child is being dragged from their bed at 6am for extra lessons.

It was a response to the odd suggestion that “They just want their kids to be ahead of yours, but don’t want you to know it”, as in reality the majority of people couldn’t be less interested in where other people’s children are ranked in the class.

It’s not for you to be ambitious for your children. It’s for your children to enjoy their childhood alongside your support. You’re letting your ego get in the way which is why you’ve no doubt been criticised in the past

Of course a parent should be ambitious for their child. Your job is to encourage them to be the best version of them they can be. That isn't contradictory to them having a great childhood.

@MintyMabel that is exactly why parents lie. They take your parenting or DD's aptitude as a personal affront on their parenting on their DC's progress. Just focus on your own DC and make the best choices for them.

@myfriendsgivebadadvice

It's like babies sleeping, isn't it. I never wanted to be that person who said her baby slept through even though they did. Some of my children have gone way ahead of the class material but there's no way to say that without being a...

Why do you need to say it though? Is it because you want to say it or would it be a truthful response to a question? There’s so much humble bragging going on in message forums or social media generally. People are just naturally cynical about this faux dialogue when it comes to lockdown learning.

That’s the response I see every summer when someone mentions that their dc still do some work over the summer.

DD would be bored stupid if she didn't spend some of her holiday learning about something.

I have no idea at all what anyone else in my DCs class is or is not doing, and I honestly don’t care. We’re happily doing things our own way. Nothing anyone else does or says will have any effect on that.

and

Or maybe they just want their kids to be doing well, have no interest in how other people’s children are doing, and change their tune depending on the context because, as this thread shows, whether you say you’re doing loads or you say you’re doing nothing, some people will judge you for it and interpret it as manipulative or insulting.

Thank you, there is sanity out there. Why do so many people give a shiny shit about what other parents and their kids do? Many kids are bright few are exceptional, some are middle of the road and many are not so clever. All of these will benefit from parents taking an interest and offering support and opportunities to learn.

There is just so much insecurity, jealousy and competition among some parents.

@MintyMabel

It’s not for you to be ambitious for your children. It’s for your children to enjoy their childhood alongside your support. You’re letting your ego get in the way which is why you’ve no doubt been criticised in the past

Of course a parent should be ambitious for their child. Your job is to encourage them to be the best version of them they can be. That isn't contradictory to them having a great childhood.

Well again it comes down to interpretation. I wouldn’t use the term ‘ambitious for’ for anyone aside from myself. I am not ‘ambitious for’ my partner nor my children. I am happy for them, I am supportive of them, I am not ambitious for them.

I don't need to say it. I don't say it! But we're a nation of moaners, it's our small talk, add having no small talk means you have no social persona. You have nothing to contribute. A lot of people are uncomfortable with that and will just blether. Moaning small talk. It's also a socially acceptable way of complaining about the lockdown without looking selfish.

Why do you need to say it though? Is it because you want to say it or would it be a truthful response to a question

DD was a great sleeper and I was part of a local (non baby related) group where there were a couple of other parents with non sleeping babies. It was always a question that was asked and I used to gloss over it because I knew the other parents were really struggling.

The topic du jour for parents is home schooling. On every zoom call where there are a mix of parents and non parents, the question is always asked "how is the home school going" I know a few colleagues are really struggling. Am I going to admit it is entirely plain sailing for us and piss off those who are finding it really hard?