Parents in dc's class lying about homeschooling!!!

[Pastasau]

On both dc's WhatsApp groups, a certain few parents have been going on & on about how their kids are doing the bare minimum, no time to do the extra work set & they are absolutely not pushing the schoolwork & do not force the kids to finish any of it...
However dc had a social zoom call with some friends from the class, one said she wasn't allowed to go on as she had a zoom with her tutor, the other friend whose mom is the one appearing most relaxed & nonchalant about the school work has her dd up at 6.30 to do 2 hours work before the actual schooling begins! Her dd told my dd her mom recaps all the lessons for an hour after the live lessons, insists all work is done, all extras plus the schedule of work she sets herself!
Aibu to think some parents are blatently lying when they say they are relaxed & easygoing about the work? And why lie?

My DC aren’t at the bottom of the curve @Anniying, but thanks for the assumption. They’re both doing brilliantly, sorry you had to hear that, it must be hard being you and feeling like your kids are never good enough so you have to put other people down all the time.

Please do explain to me how the system works, you seem to be such an expert in adequate parenting and education.

It affects them because it artificially changes the make up of kids in the class, meaning those who push ahead whilst pretending that they’re doing nothing will deliberately be pushing others down whilst snidely telling them they don’t need to do anything. Mostly because they probably know their kids wouldn’t be top of the class if they didn’t do it. It also artificially changes the perception of teachers of how well kids are learning in lessons, and of schools of how well they’re being taught.

I genuinely don't think education operates like this. The 'make up' of a class has nothing to do with any 'lies' a parent tells or doesn't tell about how much work they're doing.

The teacher will assess ability across the class based on testing and classroom performance, not on parental self-reporting of amount of work done. Whether a parent 'pushes ahead' and is open about that fact, or 'pushes ahead' whilst denying that fact, is immaterial. Their child performs at the level they're at, and your child performs at the level they're at.

Anyone who arranges their child's home-schooling on the basis of 'snidely [being told] they don’t need to do anything' is very foolish.

Why would anyone decide what is right for their child and their family on the basis of what another parent said (truthfully or otherwise) about what was happening in their house?

My DC aren’t at the bottom of the curve @Anniying, but thanks for the assumption.

Why would it matter to you what other parents are doing?

I'll bet your one of those who insist I should never buy anything more than a pack of pencils for DD's christmas because other children will feel bad. It isn't up to me or anyone else to restrict DD's learning because some other children don't have that opportunity.

Presumably those parents who can't afford tutoring or to spend lots of time educating their kids because they have to work two jobs, would feel equally as bad if parents were talking about all the extra they are able to do with their child at this time.

Why would anyone decide what is right for their child and their family on the basis of what another parent said (truthfully or otherwise) about what was happening in their house?

Keeping up with the Jones', isn't it.

My DC are more than enough and have the best of everything. They will not miss out because people like you can't get their shit together and focus on parenting their own DC instead of tearing down others for making the best decisions for their families.

Life is not a fucking group assignment. Want to tutor your kids, do it. Don't then don't. Nobody needs to dumb their kids down for your benefit.

You need to get a grip. Find a hobby or focus on your DC instead of judging people for actually loving their children and investing in them. When did wanting the best for DC turn into an attackable offence?

Sweep your side of the street, OP. Sweep your side of the street. That's all that counts here.

Who gives a fuck? Stop being so competitive and sly and let them educate their kids

@MintyMabel

@anniying made the lovely sweet accusation that my kids must be at the bottom of the curve and I’m an irresponsible and inadequate parenting because I’m not tutoring them. As hard as it must be for her to hear that it’s not true, it’s important for me to set the record straight.

As for Christmas presents, that’s just weird. My kids get whatever they want within reason, I just teach them to appreciate what they have and not to try to pretend to be something they’re not.

If anyone asks about how homeschooling is going with my kids I am very vague and don’t go into detail.

This could come off as pretending we’re not doing much (we’re actually doing what is probably an average amount) but I have no desire to engage in conversation about it or get involved in any competitive parenting.

Why would anyone decide what is right for their child and their family on the basis of what another parent said (truthfully or otherwise) about what was happening in their house?
I agree with this.

Some people will lie or mislead, in either direction because they think socially that's what's expected (Eg. Talk about how much they are doing because they think others will be impressed, talk about how little they're doing because they think that's how to achieve the faux laid back parenting look.)

People did it for homework before covid, or entry exams for private schools, or the 11+, or their child's musical talents. Remote learning is just another outlet for the same behaviour.

I didn't accuse you of anything. I said "if you are stupid enough to base your investment on your children's education on what others are doing -you are irresponsible". I also said "if your kids are at the bottom of the curve- that's on you". IF being the operative word in both cases.

Your defensive others obviously say otherwise about your children's attainment despite your protests.

@Anniying so far you’ve said that because I don’t tutor my kids and lie about it:

1. I’m an inadequate parent
2. My kids are bottom of the curve
3. I’m massively irresponsible
4. I don’t invest any time in them
5. I don’t focus on my kids
6. I don’t have my shit together

Your poor kids.

@anniying made the lovely sweet accusation that my kids must be at the bottom of the curve and I’m an irresponsible and inadequate parenting because I’m not tutoring them.

And seems to have touched a nerve as you've struggled to answer my point which had nothing to do with your kids being at the bottom of the curve nor was any comment on your parenting. If your kids are doing fine and you're making your own decisions, why does it matter what others say or do or lie about?

As for Christmas presents, that’s just weird. My kids get whatever they want within reason, I just teach them to appreciate what they have and not to try to pretend to be something they’re not.

Oh so it's only people showing their educational advantages you're worried about then? Seems strange only to focus on that rather than all the other disadvantages if you're genuinely concerned about those who aren't able to provide better education for their kids.

Both are in top sets at academically selective schools. One is also on a sports development squad. But you crack on, please, it obviously makes you feel better.

@Love51

These are the same people who claimed not to have studied for their exams at school. That way if they did badly no one would think it was because they were a bit thick, we would think it was because they hadn't studied. Except they didn't do badly because they had in fact studied. There was also a lot bit of hope that giving the impression that you hadn't studied may result in peer pressure and others not studying, so your B+ is surrounded by Cs instead of As. Doing it vicariously seems wrong though, like you don't trust your child to learn without subterfuge.

I actually didn't study and still did well. You're making assumptions to make yourself feel better.

Your reading comprehension obviously suffers if you can't tell the difference between a conditional statement and an actual statement. Keep projecting- so absolutely pointless to keep talking to a thick wall.

Any parent making decisions on their children's education based on what other parents are doing instead of their children's needs is irresponsible. That's all. If you can turn that into me calling you irresponsible then it obviously follows that you are admitting to making less than ideal choices on your children's education.

Keeping up with the Jones', isn't it.

Except in this case it seems to be ‘dumbing down with the Joneses’: “They’ve claimed they’re doing zero school work, so I too will do zero school work. Oh no, the snidey sods were actually doing plenty of school work, and now they’ve artificially pushed their kids ahead by tricking me into doing nothing!!!!”

I have no idea at all what anyone else in my DCs class is or is not doing, and I honestly don’t care. We’re happily doing things our own way. Nothing anyone else does or says will have any effect on that.

@Anniying you’re making probably the most juvenile straw man argument I’ve come across in a long time. You weren’t being conditional in the slightest, you’re being a dick.

I do this sometimes although not to the extent you’re talking about but I think it can be a bit of bravado because I feel like I should be doing more. So will just go straight to ‘oh my child’s been lying in a ditch all day while I drink gin’ in the same way you might make fun of a feature that you hate about yourself as you want to get in there before someone else does.

The reality is they’ve done about two hours of necessary school work and I’ve ignored all the extra stuff. I feel like this is enough for them but there’s a little bit of guilt there that other parents are doing a better job.

Yawn

Wow you know such big words! I'm shocked given a simple "if statement" had you so massively confused.

You must be able to see that the real conundrum here is why do you care!?
They do it because they are jealous and competitive....and that’s also the reason why you care.

If you make decisions on children's education based on what other people are doing instead of your DC's actual needs you are a massively irresponsible and inept parent.

Of course this happens. The sad thing is it happens across all ages. I have a 6 year old and it happens in his class - everyone seems to be ‘doing the bare minimum’ - most of the time the kids are watching tv, on the IPad etc, but then later on - these are the same kids who have been up at 6am, asking for extra work. I take everything everyone says with a giant fuck off tablespoon of extra salty salt. They just want their kids to be ahead of yours, but don’t want you to know it. Bizarre.

Just checked all my comments and they were indeed all prefaced by "if" and conditional statements. No attack on you at all, you instead chose to attack my DC and call me selfish because I disagreed with you.

Now that's being a dick. You might also want to get yourself some tutoring to help those comprehension skills.

They just want their kids to be ahead of yours, but don’t want you to know it. Bizarre.

Or maybe they just want their kids to be doing well, have no interest in how other people’s children are doing, and change their tune depending on the context because, as this thread shows, whether you say you’re doing loads or you say you’re doing nothing, some people will judge you for it and interpret it as manipulative or insulting.

@BigBadVoodooHat

Keeping up with the Jones', isn't it.

Except in this case it seems to be ‘dumbing down with the Joneses’: “They’ve claimed they’re doing zero school work, so I too will do zero school work. Oh no, the snidey sods were actually doing plenty of school work, and now they’ve artificially pushed their kids ahead by tricking me into doing nothing!!!!”

I have no idea at all what anyone else in my DCs class is or is not doing, and I honestly don’t care. We’re happily doing things our own way. Nothing anyone else does or says will have any effect on that.

I have to agree. I’m taking the same approach. I took myself off of SM directly I realised I was starting to focus too much on what others peoples children were achieved and unwittingly making a negative comparison to my own children’s capabilities. Then I was getting stressed and critical. Basically the worst teacher they could have had.

So I removed myself. Focused on their strengths and stopped pushing. Kept in contact with friends who were similar to me so we could console each other away from the Tiger Mums. And I am so much happier. Kids are ticking along fine.