Parents in dc's class lying about homeschooling!!!

[Pastasau]

On both dc's WhatsApp groups, a certain few parents have been going on & on about how their kids are doing the bare minimum, no time to do the extra work set & they are absolutely not pushing the schoolwork & do not force the kids to finish any of it...
However dc had a social zoom call with some friends from the class, one said she wasn't allowed to go on as she had a zoom with her tutor, the other friend whose mom is the one appearing most relaxed & nonchalant about the school work has her dd up at 6.30 to do 2 hours work before the actual schooling begins! Her dd told my dd her mom recaps all the lessons for an hour after the live lessons, insists all work is done, all extras plus the schedule of work she sets herself!
Aibu to think some parents are blatently lying when they say they are relaxed & easygoing about the work? And why lie?

Ha ha ha! A friend of mine have up work to 'do the school run' when her children started school at a north London primary. This was apparently code for 2 hours a day of homeschooling before / after class like the rest of the classmates..

Have = gave..

Maybe they don't want to seem too pushy. I've heard some parents getting grief because of pushing their children. Personally I dont think it should be discussed with other parents. I chat with friends but i wouldn't comment to other parents what we're achieving. People will always judge. I know I do. Not purposefully, we all have our own battles and challenges but i do definitely judge in my mind.
We are doing a lot more home education this time for 2 reasons - 1 there is literally nothing else to do, unlike last time when we spent a lot of time outside and 2 - our teachers are setting work this time. Last time we were left to fend for ourselves. Which was fine but I do feel we have to do more this time. I'm happy with that as the kids lost a lot of school last year. Mine are still young but at that lovely spongy age where they absorb a lot of information. I'm trying not to push too hard though because learning at home is so much harder for them.

@Littlemissweepy

Surely you aim for what is best for your child and your family, regardless of an arbitrary and unquantifiable benchmark based on what somebody else says about their way of doing things? confused

Yes, but most people haven’t had to home school during a global pandemic before whilst trying to keep their own jobs/ business afloat and their own and their families mental health in balance. So if they look to their peers and friends to figure out how others are managing, to find out some tips from others in the same boat of how to get through there shit storm they aren’t irresponsible FFS, maybe just human!

Exactly and when they do this like OP they are being misled as she has found out

Why is extra schooling mocked so much, whether that is tutors or parents own efforts?

State schooling rarely gets children to the same standard as private schools so why shouldn't parents find other ways to fill the gap?

When I got to University I was regularly had to help privately educated students with things I found quite straight forward, yet they had better A levels than I did.

That sounds so bizzare! Everyone I know is doing the opposite, making out they're doing loads but barley submitted more then one piece of work a day.

@SakuraEdenSwan1

I find it completely bizarre that school classes have WhatsApp groups as I have never ever been in one with my kids neither have my siblings with their kids. As for the homework, why does it concern you so much what others do?

How old are you your children?

It’s very common. I have been in them in both the state and private

The former has been a hotbed of endless messages whereas the private are much more relaxed and laissez faire

@LovelyIssues

That sounds so bizzare! Everyone I know is doing the opposite, making out they're doing loads but barley submitted more then one piece of work a day.

Out of curiosity - how do you know that?

@KeyboardWorriers

Why is extra schooling mocked so much, whether that is tutors or parents own efforts?

State schooling rarely gets children to the same standard as private schools so why shouldn't parents find other ways to fill the gap?

When I got to University I was regularly had to help privately educated students with things I found quite straight forward, yet they had better A levels than I did.

Ans quite right for parents to do this - why should this mum lie to OP though and grill her DD about schoolwork if it wasn't for some sort of agenda? If this parent were honest, she would just be honest about it. There clearly is some sort of agenda OP - is yours a Grammar School part of the country?

Ha this happens in our class group too. Lots of parents moaning it's too much work their child isn't doing anything won't engage ect. I had a chat with the teacher when she called last week and said it must be frustrating that so many aren't doing the work and she was really surprised said everyone is submitting more than the minimum requirement. I dont know why they all lied about it, I dont know if people are embarrassed or what its bizarre!

@redpencil77 yes fair point about the lying.
I guess I have always done what feels right to me without worrying much what others may or may not be doing!

Education never has stopped at school though, whether your child is tearing through novels or learning woodwork with a family member or whatever it might be. So this derision for one type of additional education (academic) is just silly. We know many children do extra stuff outside of school surely, whether sports or drama or needlework...

I presume perhaps they were not wanting to come across gloaty/rub anyone’s face in it. Let’s be honest if they’d came wading into the group chat telling everyone that it would have only made everyone feel worse and more so those parents not in a financial position to provide a tutor for their children. It’s a double edge sword.

At the start of home schooling I was v overwhelmed and told another Mum from school I was just doing what I can and trying not to get stressed about it. We’ve found our feet and its now going really well, dc got star of the week the week after and I felt a bit uncomfortable that it may have looked a bit off but the truth is things change and what I said was absolutely reflective of my position at the time. I also realised I can’t bear to have unticked “actions” on my list at the end of each day. Its personal 🤷‍♀️

Live and let live?

She may just be being considerate. I am a SAHM of an only child and aware of all the stigma that brings with it. The reality is, I have loved having the extra time with my dc, and really enjoy homeschooling. We don’t go above and beyond what is set by the school, but I am lucky enough to have the time to spend with her on each subject. However I am also aware that lots of my friends don’t feel the same, they are stressed and overwhelmed because they are juggling work and siblings. So if they are all saying “I hate the homeschooling or we didn’t get anythping done today” it would be a bit annoying for them if I say “I’m really enjoying it and I’m sad at the thought of dc going back to school” we all want to fit in at the end of the day. Maybe she’s got good intentions.

Maybe they’re just trying to be decent people and not make those who can’t get their kids to work or don’t have the ability to monitor school feel bad. On my parents chat group some parents are absolutely guilting themselves over the lack of school work.

I don’t get why you even care? You get on with sorting your own kids out

Who cares what they are saying ! If they're lying so what, irritating but pathetic. Just do what you can, is my advice. It's not easy but don't get drawn in or listen to rubbish from other people.

It’s just really sad. Other parents so judgemental and sorry to say but the ones with sahm are the worst round here anyway. Just do your own thing.
I have private tutors for both mine 1 dyslexia and 1 lots time of with illness. I work hard and can afford it luckily. I want to do best for them. But I don’t like to disclose as I’ll judged in all ways. Just do your best and try to take no notice. Try and get a balance with academic sport and fun. Being happy and healthy really is best success.

How do you explain to helicopter Mum that although she thinks her child has done all the work, they've actually crashed and burned and handed in three lines? There are also kids who are still being tutored too. I'm used to all that as parents are like that about 11+ (We're not tutoring because x is so bright it's not needed...they're not tutoring because said child has had extra lessons in 11+ topics every day for five years).

I think I might be one of those parents...My son does what is asked of him (he’s in a state school and in my view things that they do is a bare minimum for a child of his age - he is 9) So, yes, he does extra work after school lessons. I prepare him for 11+ myself. And I don’t tell people about it. I remember I mentioned it once to a couple of mums and felt that they were judging me for doing so (“oh no, they are too young blah blah”) It’s my child. I know what he is capable of. Yes I am pushing him but he is not struggling with that extra work. He is quite happy to do so. But this is something that I like to keep to myself. I am also planning on getting him a tutor. And that is definitely something I am not willing do discuss at a school gate. First of all, I am aware that not everyone is in position to hire a tutor. And second of all, I don’t like to be labeled a “tiger Mum”. I don’t think I am tbh. I just know that my son is more than capable to do all this extra work and his school would never push him this far. And anyway, why should anyone care how I educate him?! I don’t go round telling people that perhaps they should do more with their kids (I know for sure that some parents do f*ck all with their kids at home, they probably think it’s a teacher’s job to teach their kids to read, to do the time table etc) So if I were you, I’d just concentrate on my own kids ;)

Apologies if I'm repeating the same comment as some others but I think you would best let it go. It's endless if you start trying to read between the lines, so it's easier to take their words as they are. So if someone claims they did well, praise them, and if they say they didn't do well, comfort them.

I sometimes feel people in my parent's social group take my little comment in a very melodramatic way. I am truly tired of playing that kind of strange competitive games. No matter if you tell the truth or downplay, those who take things in a twisted way will take things in a twisted way and will cause a melodrama out of nothing. You can't win.

I won't innocently parade around with my DC's success but won't downplay unnecessarily either, and when I get an unpleasant reaction from other parents to whatever I slipped out, I would see it's not about me nor my DC but it's about them and how they see the world, or at least where they are currently. I can't fix their insecurities or any problems they may carry inside so won't touch nor pour more oil in it but just leave them to sort out in thier own way...

This is one of the reasons I'm soooooooo glad I'm not on any mums whatsapp groups!

Some parents are competitive- Simple. Why care? So long as your kids are happy and engaging.

I'd be more concerned about the kids Mental health, I felt the pressure just reading that- 2 hours schooling before school even starts!

@tawnytowel
Yeah there are loads at it. In DDs class they sit just off the screen hovering over their kids and telling them the answers or what to write. In our case they’re all SAHMs whose main aim in life seems to be elevating their child to the coveted status of teachers pet. Seems to be that mums of girls are worse.

Dangerous generalising Don't or next thing someone will mention all those WM who might as well have not bothered to have children at all, as never do anything with them and palm them off on childminder etc.......

This! Everyone at my school said they had done no study for GCSE’s and like an eejit I believed them. So I didn’t study either.

I keep being told by other mums that I'm trying too hard, worrying too much, doing too much.

"Just leave them to play, they'll be fine! The school will catch them up, just relax, don't worry about it"

They tell me this until I'm screeching "How can I not worry about it, IT'S THEIR SODDING EDUCATION!!" and they're backing away slowly.

Now you're telling me that I've now also got to worry that all sneakily educating their children in secret and just pretending to be all chilled and Zen about it??!