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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU - I moved a vase

238 replies

PineapplePrincess · 07/02/2021 22:00

That’s it. I moved it. From the living room to the sitting area in the kitchen.

Cleared the kids stuff away, as no one had touched the stuff in over a year and they were collecting dust. Plug sock was visible, so arranged a lamp, vase and old fashioned phone in a way that would hide it and look nice.

Not wedded to it, but thought it would do till I find something better.

Of course husband lost the plot. Doesn’t like it. Okay fine, I asked him to suggest something better or said to just leave as is till we could maybe buy something - but no wasn’t happy.

Ended in a shouting match, as he’s trying to put the vase back - I’m trying to keep it where it is. Apparently I make all the decisions when it comes to decor (I don’t) and never consult him. I didn’t think we needed a conversation to move a bloody vase.

Really....?

OP posts:
pistachioglace · 08/02/2021 13:24

@JKW36

My husband is similar to this. Weve talk about it calmy and it is because he wants all household decor /purchases /and how things are arranged to be a completely 50/50 decision. I am not allowed to buy so much as an egg cup without his say so. And he won't buy anything without consulting me. I absolutely hate it and I think it is completely wierd and I have honestly fantasied about divorce almost completely based on the fact that I could have my own own and decorate it how I want, and buy I want for it!
JKW36 Have you considered buying a new patio?
RuledbyASD · 08/02/2021 13:40

@takeabrolly

I once bought a Xmas decoration without my EXH. This was brought up in an argument 10 years later. He's my ex now
You divorced your husband over a xmas decoration?? Hmm
knittingaddict · 08/02/2021 13:44

You divorced your husband over a xmas decoration?? hmm

Oh yes, that's exactly what she meant. Don't be so ridiculous.

steppemum · 08/02/2021 13:48

This is just the most bizarre thread.

So, it really is irrelevant what any of us do or don't do in our houses with regard to decoration.
It is irrelevant if our dh's like or don't like to be involved in decorating decisions.
It is irrelevant what we think of the vase, or the radiator cover or anything else.

Because the piont of the OP, and therefore the point of the thread is about whether or not having a mssive over reaction and melt down over moving a vase is normal.

Well it isn't! Normal people are either not bothered, or they say - hmm I don't like that. Normal people enter into a discussion about it (OP asked - what would you like there instead?)
Normal people do not sulk for a week over a radiator cover or a have a melt down over a vase.

I do know some people who really hate change, and can get quite upset about even small changes. But you know what? They TALK about it to their spouses.

BUT - hmm, lockdown. and Covid, and stress and generlaly frustration at life. These are not normal times, so even normal people do weird things.

Go for a walk, come bakc and have a hug. Then talk about it.

IEat · 08/02/2021 13:49

Straw that broke the camels back ..like everyone emotions are heightened. Some things we have to just let pass us

tenlittlecygnets · 08/02/2021 14:08

@PineapplePrincess - he does have a touch of OCD, he likes things neat and clean and that can be a sore point between us at times.

OCD is a real, diagnosable mental health condition. PLEASE don't minimise it or use it to describe someone who is neat and tody.

Original poster
PineapplePrincess · 08/02/2021 17:36

@FortunesFave - this is the vase in question.... stats should have read starts!?!

AIBU - I moved a vase
OP posts:
Original poster
PineapplePrincess · 08/02/2021 17:37

@FortunesFave - stars!!!

OP posts:
Lavanderrose · 08/02/2021 18:53

A tip I learned is to give him two choices (that you love) so he feels he had a little input. But nowadays I just get on with it. My DH was complaining about my new white company bath mat, I just ignore now.

IM0GEN · 08/02/2021 19:13

@JKW36

My husband is similar to this. Weve talk about it calmy and it is because he wants all household decor /purchases /and how things are arranged to be a completely 50/50 decision. I am not allowed to buy so much as an egg cup without his say so. And he won't buy anything without consulting me. I absolutely hate it and I think it is completely wierd and I have honestly fantasied about divorce almost completely based on the fact that I could have my own own and decorate it how I want, and buy I want for it!
@JKW36

So you can’t buy anything without his prior approval?

I think that’s very controlling and borderline emotional abuse.

MissMarpleDarling · 08/02/2021 19:27

What in the world. My partner wouldn't notice if I moved the sofa. Well he would but he wouldn't care 🤨

MissMarpleDarling · 08/02/2021 19:29

Some of the people commentings relationships sound really unhealthy.

user1471538283 · 08/02/2021 20:02

He sounds overly invested. None of my exs would even notice let alone care.

Standrewsschool · 08/02/2021 20:05

Some people don’t like change.

ErrolTheDragon · 09/02/2021 00:39

I'd been thinking YANBU...till I saw the photo. Sure, he overreacted but that's one ugly vase.

(Still, not as odd as englishroseamongstirishthorns ... strange name)

exaltedwombat · 09/02/2021 17:43

Have to admit I find purely decorative tat rather irritating. Particularly when it fills space I could use for a model elephant.

bigmumsymcgraw · 09/02/2021 17:51

Wow I cant believe anyone would waste energy rowing over a lamp. Who cares enough?

cherish123 · 09/02/2021 17:54

Very controlling. I like everything in it's place but I would not react like this.

Celestine70 · 09/02/2021 18:00

He sounds controlling. Read Living with the Dominator.

Vixyboo · 09/02/2021 18:00

I was with a man like this. Then I found out all the stuff he was doing behind my back. I took our 2 children and moved house.

IstandwithJackieWeaver · 09/02/2021 18:04

Crikey, I could redecorate and unless he was in the room at the time DP probably wouldn't notice. As long as I didn't choose green paint.

langley281082 · 09/02/2021 18:26

@WonkyCactus

Are you attached to the vase? If not, you could chuck it at his head! Wink
I like that idea ... Grin
1ittlegreen · 09/02/2021 18:50

Is it possible he's on the spectrum op? In which case this needs to be looked at in an entirely different way...

Aria999 · 09/02/2021 18:59

Well he's being a bit weird, but if I did something in the house and DH hated it, I would undo it. It's his house too! I would expect the same respect from him if I hated something.

Maybe your DH just didn't want something in front of the power socket. I personally would not want anything, I couldn't care less about power sockets being visible and I hate clutter.

I think you were a bit PA about the radiator cover too. And i think he also overreacted.

It sounds like a bit of an ongoing power struggle for both of you.

Whatamess582 · 09/02/2021 19:18

My husband bought the house we now live in, with his ex, and then I moved in several years later after they had split up and we were engaged. I never much liked it. I wouldn’t have chosen it but we are a bit stuck with it. So I am always trying to ‘make it my own’ by decorating/redecorating to try to make it somewhere I like living. 99% of the time he gives less than a flying f* where I put stuff and then randomly he fixates on one thing and I think he is losing his mind. Last time it was two postcards we had bought from a museum of Roman Soldiers that I had put into crappy IKEA frames and displayed on the kids bedroom bookshelf. He found them and wanted to display them in the dining room on the piano. I said no. 2 weeks of ‘relocate the Roman soldiers’ ensued. I would put them back in the kids room, he would put them back on the piano.... I eventually had to hide them in the pantry to stop his displaying them when we had friends round for lunch. So you are not the only one... it happens here too. But he wasn’t mean about it.

He did throw out some cushions of mine he didn’t like once. I took the opportunity to buy more, on his credit card. He has never thrown out my stuff again.

Is it just a random weirdness? Ok so he doesn’t like the vase.... is it a huge problem? If it only happens once a year that he minds something can you not just let it go?