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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU - I moved a vase

238 replies

PineapplePrincess · 07/02/2021 22:00

That’s it. I moved it. From the living room to the sitting area in the kitchen.

Cleared the kids stuff away, as no one had touched the stuff in over a year and they were collecting dust. Plug sock was visible, so arranged a lamp, vase and old fashioned phone in a way that would hide it and look nice.

Not wedded to it, but thought it would do till I find something better.

Of course husband lost the plot. Doesn’t like it. Okay fine, I asked him to suggest something better or said to just leave as is till we could maybe buy something - but no wasn’t happy.

Ended in a shouting match, as he’s trying to put the vase back - I’m trying to keep it where it is. Apparently I make all the decisions when it comes to decor (I don’t) and never consult him. I didn’t think we needed a conversation to move a bloody vase.

Really....?

OP posts:
Stinkywizzleteets · 07/02/2021 22:24

Some people struggle with change I guess. I’m personally not sure it’s worth losing your shit over but I’m not your husband.

NotFabulousDarling · 07/02/2021 22:28

@TheHateIsNotGood

Everyone has their stress point - yours is The Vase. It could be a lot worse - i won't say how; but it's good to let rip your shit under stress.

YABU for asking - it's a vase, you're both UR, just smash it and laugh about it, together.

WTF are you drunk or did you just not read the OP? Hmm

It's completely bizarre, does he have OCD?

paintfairy · 07/02/2021 22:29

I don't think mine would even notice! Very strange behaviour. I'm not sure how you put up with that crap.

Original poster
PineapplePrincess · 07/02/2021 22:30

@Ameliablue - not sure.

I didn’t want to move it back, as I didn’t want to be looking at the sockets and I didn’t think it looked that bad. Plus I was sticking to point of principal, that he was being unreasonable....

OP posts:
MissHope · 07/02/2021 22:32

I was thinking same as previous poster, does he have OCD or autistic traits. My son doesnt like it when things are moved. He needs a discussion about it before it is moved.

MrsTerryPratchett · 07/02/2021 22:34

Anyone who I lived with that didn't speak to me for a week for any other reason apart from something nuclear (cheating?) would be single fairly quickly. It's controlling and weird.

unless there's a drip feed about neurodiversity coming.

Original poster
PineapplePrincess · 07/02/2021 22:37

@NotFabulousDarling - he does have a touch of OCD, he likes things neat and clean and that can be a sore point between us at times.

But this isn’t normal (plus it was much neater than tidier than the kids messy toys!) Plus I do move other things in the house and he doesn’t freak like this. So don’t know if there’s something underlying it and this has just triggered something.

It’s just waaaaay disproportionate.

OP posts:
katy1213 · 07/02/2021 22:37

What kind of man even notices a vase?

ineedaholidaynow · 07/02/2021 22:41

Does he normally sulk for a week?

TheyIsMyFamily · 07/02/2021 22:43

He sounds controlling and abusive.

Silent treatment is emotional abuse.

Cheeseandwin5 · 07/02/2021 22:44

Ho w strange ppl saying he is controlling whilst you are the victim.
Him wanting it tostay there is as controlling as you wanting it to be moved.
If it means so little to you (and so much to him) why don't you just leave it where it is.

This is about compromise and it seems both of you dont have it.

MiddleClassMother · 07/02/2021 22:44

You could "accidentally" knock it off the side and break it, or blame the kids or dog?

Eckhart · 07/02/2021 22:45

How do you normally feel in the relationship? Respected?

SavannahMiasMum · 07/02/2021 22:45

Sounds like you need to move things more often if he stops talking. Just the peace is wonderful I’d imagine

Ellie56 · 07/02/2021 22:45

He lost the plot over a bloody vase? And then you had a shouting match over it? Hmm

He is either completely batshit or a controlling arse.

Whydidimarryhim · 07/02/2021 22:45

Does he think you have all the control in the relationship? He mentioned you making all the decisions re the decor?does he feel left out!!!
Would he discuss this a family therapy/couples counselling?
Ignoring you for a week is not on and abusive.

Eckhart · 07/02/2021 22:46

@Ellie56

He lost the plot over a bloody vase? And then you had a shouting match over it? Hmm

He is either completely batshit or a controlling arse.

Those are not mutually exclusive, either...
Oldbutstillgotit · 07/02/2021 22:48

Why do some posters immediately jump to the conclusion that someone has OCD/ADHD / whatever rather than they are just a bad tempered controlling arse ?

bellie710 · 07/02/2021 22:49

He sounds like an arse! Life is too short and there is so much shit going on who cares where a vase is, my DH wouldn't notice if I rearranged the living room never mind moved a vase!

Wiredforsound · 07/02/2021 22:50

He sounds deranged.

ClarencesMum · 07/02/2021 22:50

I'd be moving it over his head

Original poster
PineapplePrincess · 07/02/2021 22:51

@Cheeseandwin5 - I thought I was compromising, I asked him to suggest something else to go in it’s place.

I’m open to alternative ideas just didn't want the space bare, and dislike the plug sockets on show.

Was looking for something to hide them, ideally something that if the kids got their hands on and destroyed I wouldn’t be heartbroken.

(The vase is plastic btw, with a fake candle inside and a bark surround with cut out stats - it looks pretty, but not smashable or expensive)

OP posts:
CeeceeBloomingdale · 07/02/2021 22:53

That is worrying and rather abnormal behaviour. I often rearrange things and no one notices. I changed things last week, DH is working from home and noticed and said maybe to move one things back (I'd moved a lot and there was an empty space), I said no as I had earmarked the space for a new vase I'd ordered. He said "oh, right" and life has continued as normal, no shouting or silent treatment. It's not important enough to fight over, there must be more to his reaction. Had he been interested in home decor before? Would he usually give opinions on it?

caringcarer · 07/02/2021 22:56

I don't think my dh would even notice. I would follow other posters advice and whack it over his head, or oops ....... you just dropped it and it broke.

Crystal90567 · 07/02/2021 22:57

Very controlling. Be careful OP