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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU - I moved a vase

238 replies

PineapplePrincess · 07/02/2021 22:00

That’s it. I moved it. From the living room to the sitting area in the kitchen.

Cleared the kids stuff away, as no one had touched the stuff in over a year and they were collecting dust. Plug sock was visible, so arranged a lamp, vase and old fashioned phone in a way that would hide it and look nice.

Not wedded to it, but thought it would do till I find something better.

Of course husband lost the plot. Doesn’t like it. Okay fine, I asked him to suggest something better or said to just leave as is till we could maybe buy something - but no wasn’t happy.

Ended in a shouting match, as he’s trying to put the vase back - I’m trying to keep it where it is. Apparently I make all the decisions when it comes to decor (I don’t) and never consult him. I didn’t think we needed a conversation to move a bloody vase.

Really....?

OP posts:
Mamette · 08/02/2021 09:39

he does have a touch of OCD, he likes things neat and clean and that can be a sore point between us at times.

And yet he was fine to leave the “kids things” gathering dust for a year? Confused

Bluesheep8 · 08/02/2021 09:47

Radiator covers are an abomination, too. They are only one remove from fluffy loo-seat covers and little skirts that hide loo rolls.

I happen to disagree. Ugly old radiators are not nice to look at.

waterlego · 08/02/2021 09:47

@Washingmyself

My DH is same. I can’t move anything as he will just moved it back with horrible dramas screaming etc. Also if I buy anything he just chucks it as he dislike all I like.
Goodness. You ok with this? Dramas and screaming over someone moving an item in the home sounds like a really stressful existence 😕
knittingaddict · 08/02/2021 09:50

OCD, the excuse for abusive men everywhere.

Obviously I'm not including people with actual diagnosed OCD, but the number of posts about abusive men that include a "touch of OCD" is telling. My daughter's ex had a "touch of OCD". It was an excuse to be abusive and controlling.

The silent treatment is also a red flag for abuse.

VikingVolva · 08/02/2021 09:52

He was OTT, but why on earth did you start insisting that your arrangements (which you describe as temporary in the OP) had to stay put once he had said he didn't like it?

He might have been an old grouch, but you certainly know how to escalate a minor issue

Bluesheep8 · 08/02/2021 09:53

What is "A touch of OCD" anyway? Surely it's a condition that should be medically diagnosed. You can't just have it "a bit"

CaptainSirTomMooreismyhero · 08/02/2021 09:56

he does have a touch of OCD
Nobody has a touch of OCD. He either had the mental illness or does not. Those who truly have OCD find it very debilitating and find it offensive when others refer to OCD in this manner.

Does he have OCD or not? If so, then you will just need to be more understanding about it and not move things without at least having a discussion about it.

PlanDeRaccordement · 08/02/2021 10:01

It’s all very strange and controlling unless he’s diagnosed with some for of OCD and that means he must have everything in a certain place or he is doomed.

Candyfloss99 · 08/02/2021 10:10

The silent treatment is abuse. Get rid of him asap.

DoyouthinkIcare · 08/02/2021 10:13

I am confused! You say that the vase is not breakable but in an earlier post you stated that it was originally one of a pair but the other one got broken??????

Eckhart · 08/02/2021 10:18

@Bluesheep8

What is "A touch of OCD" anyway? Surely it's a condition that should be medically diagnosed. You can't just have it "a bit"
It's an excuse for somebody who unreasonably flies off the handle sometimes, with no actual medical reason or diagnosis.
Mia1415 · 08/02/2021 10:19

It's threads like this that remind me why I'm so happily single!

EttaKett · 08/02/2021 10:20

[quote FangsForTheMemory]@EttaKett great minds![/quote]
Grin

KarmaNoMore · 08/02/2021 10:22

I am confused! You say that the vase is not breakable but in an earlier post you stated that it was originally one of a pair but the other one got broken??????

Does it matters? She is been chastised because she moved it not because she broke it. The issue here is his aggressive attitude, no need to treat the OP as a liar about the vase characteristics. The vase is unbroken and well.

MaryIsA · 08/02/2021 10:24

We seriously discussed divorce due to an argument that started with me ordering 2 coat hooks without discussion.

There was more to it obviously than that, but it was the trigger.

The not talking for a walk - eejit.

HunkyPunk · 08/02/2021 10:25

I think if dh hugely objected to any particular new arrangement of furniture etc. I'd made, the difference of opinion wouldn't escalate quite so dramatically! Did you ask him exactly what it was he didn't like about the new arrangement? Maybe there's a good reason, or maybe if you get him to try and rationalise his reaction, he'll realise that there really isn't a good reason....?

All the posts (and there are many) suggesting that men are unusual if they are interested in decor or furniture arranging are sexist, btw, as was the pp who stated that the home is a woman's domain, (but she got lambasted for it, oddly, even though the the posters saying that their husbands couldn't give a shiny shit are effectively saying the same thing!)

PussGirl · 08/02/2021 10:28

I hate seeing the sockets - every one in my house is hidden behind something.

Completely ridiculous overreaction on his part. He sounds very unreasonable.

RightOnTheEdge · 08/02/2021 10:32

Washingmyself that's awful! It's no way to live.

Bluesheep8 · 08/02/2021 10:32

I hate seeing the sockets - every one in my house is hidden behind something.

But doesn't it look odd having random objects placed in front of every single socket? I've never come across this before. Genuine question

Felifox · 08/02/2021 10:32

My dh used to joke that he'd come home to find the furniture moved round, and that he hoped I hadn't moved the bed! As a widow in my 70's I wish I had that energy now. He'd moan about clutter but preferred me not to be on one of my keep everything in it's place moods.

The one thing he did back in the day was to empty ashtrays immediately they'd been used as neither of us liked people smoking in our house. Completely different attitude then of course.

PussGirl · 08/02/2021 10:37

I don't have random objects in front of each - usually the sockets are behind furniture but still accessible

If higher than furniture I'll group ornaments / books etc in front & trail the wire down behind &/or under the furniture out of sight

The only place where sockets are visible is the kitchen, so I can swiftly deploy the toaster / mixer / whatever Smile

PussGirl · 08/02/2021 10:38

I also have a couple of multi-socket extension leads than go from the hidden sockets down & between furniture to where things are plugged in. It's how I prefer it.

PussGirl · 08/02/2021 10:39
  • that go
TheSparkleJar · 08/02/2021 10:39

He didn’t speak to me for a week about a radiator cover...

There's nothing like a visit to Mumsnet to make me feel so happy I'm single...

You say that the vase is not breakable but in an earlier post you stated that it was originally one of a pair but the other one got broken??????

You think it's an indestructible vase, Miss Marple? Made of concrete perhaps?

Iwantacookie · 08/02/2021 10:42

You should of brought a second radiator cover and enjoyed more peace. Grin
Honestly I dont think dp would notice if I decorated the room never mind moved something.

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