AIBU - I moved a vase

[PineapplePrincess]

That’s it. I moved it. From the living room to the sitting area in the kitchen.

Cleared the kids stuff away, as no one had touched the stuff in over a year and they were collecting dust. Plug sock was visible, so arranged a lamp, vase and old fashioned phone in a way that would hide it and look nice.

Not wedded to it, but thought it would do till I find something better.

Of course husband lost the plot. Doesn’t like it. Okay fine, I asked him to suggest something better or said to just leave as is till we could maybe buy something - but no wasn’t happy.

Ended in a shouting match, as he’s trying to put the vase back - I’m trying to keep it where it is. Apparently I make all the decisions when it comes to decor (I don’t) and never consult him. I didn’t think we needed a conversation to move a bloody vase.

Really....?

Let’s have a look with and then without the vase. That’s the only way for us to really help you 😂.

I am reluctant to redecorate...it takes me ages to decide abd I know it drives DH mad. But I would never throw a tantrum about it and neither would he. We compromise instead. Like adults.

I move things on a daily basis and I buy a lot and do what I want because if it was upto my hubby we would have a couch and tv thats it! I remember decorating he didn't notice until 3 years later.. yes 3! He came home one day and said "oohh been decorating/ spending have we?" I had to show him a pic from 3 years prior to prove it was done then 🤣🤣🤣 so I'm more shocked your hubby actually noticed something had moved. Also its a very big over reaction and sulky men are a no go I wouldn't put up with not being spoken to for a week!

OP, I think you'd be better posting in Relationships. You have a problem.

What was hidden in the vase? Does he hide money around the house? Was he more pissed off that if you start moving items that you might find his hiding spot?

You bought a radiator cover and he didn’t speak to you for a week?

You moved a vase from one room to another and it ended up in a shouting match?

And you’ve written this as if it’s normal? Wtf

This is a really interesting discussion, @PineapplePrincess, and has got me thinking about how I might react.

I am the one who deep cleans and moves furniture round regularly at home. DH has never done this and just looks quizzical when he comes in and sees yet another furniture layout . I just get bored of the same layout.

However, how would I react if I came home to find a completely different layout with things moved? I think I'd be nonplussed to be honest and find it jarring. However, would I have a row about the displacement of a vase? No. Op, I think this is a symptom of something deeper.

Well this is the most batshit thread I've seen in a while ...

Not much to add that hasn't already been said really, but some women on here (according to some of threads this past few days) are married to the most AWFUL men. Passive aggressive, manipulative, controlling, freezing them out for days on end for putting the ketchup bottle on the 'wrong' shelf, and all sorts of weird nonsensical reasons... WTF is wrong with some men these days? Lockdown fever? Pandemic madness?

Makes me grateful to have my cheery, happy-go-lucky (95% of the time) DH! Although he was a bit of a moody git up to his early 40s. Maybe it's a younger man thing being moody and passive aggressive, and controlling his woman's moods?

OP I think your DH has overreacted, but I can see where he’s coming from. My ex used to move stuff while I was at work (I worked longer hours than him) and it used to drive me insane. Sometimes furniture, sometimes just ornaments or kitchen gadgets. He got bored and fancied a change, so he’d just do it.

To be fair his changes were often improvements, but I just hated the way he did it without telling me, so I’d come home after a long day, go to sit on the settee, only to find it wasn’t there any more. Or go to put on the kettle, and have to look around for it, as the microwave was now in the kettle place. It was really bloody annoying.

I think you are as bad as each other.
Your post about the radiator cover says 3 times that he told you he doesn't like or want a radiator cover. But you kept "threatening" him with one, then bought one anyway saying it was a good deal, he told you he didn't like it, you said "we'll just try it", he told you he still didn't like it. And then you kept it anyway.
Should he have sulked? No, it not mature and not the correct way to handle a situation. But you clearly didn't give a shit that he hated the radiator cover, it's a little thing, but he has to look at it every day knowing you didn't care about his opinion.
The vase is weird, but maybe he still has a sore spot about the last argument involving unilateral decisions regarding the house.

This isn't about the vase.

@englishroseamongstirishthorns

Your husband needs to understand that the home is the woman's domain and that it is not his choice where things go like vases. He surely must have better things to worry about than this? I suppose the lack of pubs being open is a problem for many men these days as they don't have their usual masculine outlet to focus on. I would probably move it back for now until the covid situation is better - when he has other things to do and worry about, move it back.

Um. Whilst I agree that the OP's DH has waaay overreacted I would just like to point out that

The 1950s is thataway

I’d come home after a long day, go to sit on the settee, only to find it wasn’t there any more.

The settee wasn't there anymore? Where on earth was it?

At least your dh noticed, mine has no idea where anything goes in our house 😂 I have never consulted him about where to put things, I just use my own judgement.

@Mummylin

At least your dh noticed, mine has no idea where anything goes in our house 😂 I have never consulted him about where to put things, I just use my own judgement.

You'd prefer your husband to notice and abuse you, than to not notice?

If not, what was your point?

@Bluesheep8

I’d come home after a long day, go to sit on the settee, only to find it wasn’t there any more.

The settee wasn't there anymore? Where on earth was it?

It would be on the other side of the room, or maybe in a different room that he had decided to turn into the new living room!

[quote englishroseamongstirishthorns]@fortunesfave - i'm not sure there was any need for that language. I am not a troll. I am simply stating my opinion. You may state yours, but there is no need to be rude.

I consider the home my domain and I think most women do. The husband in this situation should not be dictating where a lady places a vase. Unless of course he wants to start arranging the flowers in it himself too, which I highly doubt is likely.[/quote]
Dear @englishroseamongstirishthorns

I consider the home my domain and I think most women do.

Most of us don't in 2021.

Regards,

Most women

I would just like to reply to previous posters who talked about not being able to have a touch of OCD. In reality, even though maybe this is technically correct you can have behavioural issues which, if not addressed/treated could develop into full blown OCD. It's not something that appears overnight and can also include involving other people. That's not to say that such behaviour is excusable and is still abusive to live with.

One of the things I'm getting from this thread is that, with a few exceptions - the op's dh being one of them - most men are oblivious to/uninterested in the 'dressing'/organisation of the place in which they live.

Do you think we can conclude from this, that the home is still, in fact, a woman's domain? Discuss

I've just dropped my phone and cracked the bloody screen. I am furious damn it. Drop the bloody vase OP. It's deserved.

Someone I know once re painted the entrance hall in a totally different colour whilst her husband was at work. A week later she decided she didn't like it and painted it another colour. Her husband never noticed. Nor did he notice the smell of paint apparently.

@HunkyPunk

One of the things I'm getting from this thread is that, with a few exceptions - the op's dh being one of them - most men are oblivious to/uninterested in the 'dressing'/organisation of the place in which they live.

Do you think we can conclude from this, that the home is still, in fact, a woman's domain? Discuss

Definitely not in our home and we are an older generation than some on here - 50's and 60's. We've always agreed together on furniture, lamps, paint colours etc. If either of us moved the furniture around or bought something new for the house we would definitely notice. Neither of us would give the other a bad time about it though and I suppose after 30 plus years together our tastes have merged somewhat. We don't worry about the little things, but bigger and more expensive items are definitely discussed.

Just before Christmas my husband wanted to move all the furniture in our bedroom. I agreed and he did it himself and all the cleaning involved in moving a bed that has been in the same place for years. It was an improvement and everyone is happy.

Believe it or not there is a middle ground between not being allowed to do anything in your own home and men not noticing/caring about any of it.

[quote englishroseamongstirishthorns]@fortunesfave - i'm not sure there was any need for that language. I am not a troll. I am simply stating my opinion. You may state yours, but there is no need to be rude.

I consider the home my domain and I think most women do. The husband in this situation should not be dictating where a lady places a vase. Unless of course he wants to start arranging the flowers in it himself too, which I highly doubt is likely.[/quote]
Seriously, are you a parody account?

Or one of those people who like role-playing the 1950s?

@HunkyPunk

One of the things I'm getting from this thread is that, with a few exceptions - the op's dh being one of them - most men are oblivious to/uninterested in the 'dressing'/organisation of the place in which they live.

Do you think we can conclude from this, that the home is still, in fact, a woman's domain? Discuss

My DH wouldn't notice or care if I moved or bought new ornaments or rearranged the bookshelves

However - moving the stuff on the kitchen worktops he would.

Decorating or big purchases or paintings are joint decisions

My husband is similar to this. Weve talk about it calmy and it is because he wants all household decor /purchases /and how things are arranged to be a completely 50/50 decision. I am not allowed to buy so much as an egg cup without his say so. And he won't buy anything without consulting me. I absolutely hate it and I think it is completely wierd and I have honestly fantasied about divorce almost completely based on the fact that I could have my own own and decorate it how I want, and buy I want for it!