AIBU - I moved a vase

[PineapplePrincess]

That’s it. I moved it. From the living room to the sitting area in the kitchen.

Cleared the kids stuff away, as no one had touched the stuff in over a year and they were collecting dust. Plug sock was visible, so arranged a lamp, vase and old fashioned phone in a way that would hide it and look nice.

Not wedded to it, but thought it would do till I find something better.

Of course husband lost the plot. Doesn’t like it. Okay fine, I asked him to suggest something better or said to just leave as is till we could maybe buy something - but no wasn’t happy.

Ended in a shouting match, as he’s trying to put the vase back - I’m trying to keep it where it is. Apparently I make all the decisions when it comes to decor (I don’t) and never consult him. I didn’t think we needed a conversation to move a bloody vase.

Really....?

"Cleared the kids stuff away, as no one had touched the stuff in over a year and they were collecting dust. Plug sock was visible, so arranged a lamp, vase and old fashioned phone in a way that would hide it and look nice."

It sounds like you did more than move a vase. You had a clear-out and rearranged things in a way that pleased you. As he has form for feeling left out of decor decisions maybe you could have included him in the plan to have a clear-out and move things around?

It sounds less like he is controlling and more like he wants an equal say in where things go. His reaction was over the top, of course, but you cared enough about what goes where to move the vase, lamp and phone. Why shouldn't he care too? And why shouldn't you make decisions together?

It sounds like you are both going a bit stir crazy in the house. I would cut him some slack.

*Bluesheep8

I hate seeing the sockets - every one in my house is hidden behind something.

But doesn't it look odd having random objects placed in front of every single socket? I've never come across this before. Genuine question

How would you know?

Do you check every house you go into has its sockets on show?*

No of course I don't. I've just never heard of a need to hide sockets being an issue so I wanted to ask about it

This clearly goes deeper than the moving of a vase

Good god why do women live with men like this?!

I’d rather be single, honestly

Why do women put up with a week of sulking (according to OP) over small shit like this

Just why?!

I’m thinking something else has upset him?? There’s not much ‘choice’ in life at the moment is there? Maybe he’s feeling that he has no control over life at the moment? A normal reaction at the wrong thing maybe?

It may not be ‘the norm’ for men to think they deserve equality when it comes to decor but if it’s any consolation I have to put up with one of those too and he does occasionally pull some pass-agg shit over it.

Fucking MN and the rush to toxify and overdramatise everything. “LEAVE HIM! What an abuser! Get your kids out before it’s too late!” Dicks.

Surely most couples discuss these sort of things? I find it really odd that people change things around in a shared space without agreeing with a partner.

@SilverBirchWithout

Surely most couples discuss these sort of things? I find it really odd that people change things around in a shared space without agreeing with a partner.

Really ? I don’t know many men who have strong opinions about interior decor TBH, let alone the position of a vase. Most men I know are more than happy to leave that to their wife / partner. And their wives are pretty happy with this too as a lot of then have terrible taste 😬

Their wives might make a token gesture towards consulting them, perhaps asking them which fabric swatch they prefer, but that’s it. But it’s just to humour them.

They all have very normal / average decorating styles though. Nothing too out there.

I’m sure it’s different If your husband is an interior designer / architect and actually has some knowledge or skills.

Maybe it’s just men of my age and from my culture.

@Scottsy100

This clearly goes deeper than the moving of a vase

Exactly.

IMOGEN
I’m surprised at your response, in my perfectly standard world - my parents, husband’s parents (born in 1920s), my husband, siblings and his siblings, my son and his partner, their friends, my friends - all discuss do it yourself projects, household purchases, what they like, don’t like, colour schemes and so on.
It sounds like you live in a 1950s American sitcom where the wifey does wifey things. In most Normal relationships differences in taste are discussed and compromises are reached. If I come home and DH has changed things around, if he’d something I wasn’t keen on we would discuss. Surely that’s what everyone does?

@SilverBirchWithout

IMOGEN I’m surprised at your response, in my perfectly standard world - my parents, husband’s parents (born in 1920s), my husband, siblings and his siblings, my son and his partner, their friends, my friends - all discuss do it yourself projects, household purchases, what they like, don’t like, colour schemes and so on. It sounds like you live in a 1950s American sitcom where the wifey does wifey things. In most Normal relationships differences in taste are discussed and compromises are reached. If I come home and DH has changed things around, if he’d something I wasn’t keen on we would discuss. Surely that’s what everyone does?

Well clearly it’s not “ what everyone does “ as I’ve just told you that I don’t. Nor do any of my friends, colleagues and family.

Yes they discuss eg we need a new washing machine - can we afford it, shall we go for the dearer eco model etc. But as long as they can afford it, most men say “ get whatever you think is best “.

No they don’t have to ask for permission to move a vase or buy a new mug. They have their own bank account / car / budget and autonomy and don’t have to ask permission of the big boss to buy a new kettle.

Not do they have to ask his permission to change their hairstyle or wear trousers rather than skirts.

So I’m sorry you feel the need to denigrate anyone whose life experience is different from yours. But you will just have to deal with the tough concept that not everyone is like you. Even you bitchily dismiss others as “ wifies” and abnormal and “living in the 1950s” .

You are ageist and classist - nice.

@SilverBirchWithout

IMOGEN I’m surprised at your response, in my perfectly standard world - my parents, husband’s parents (born in 1920s), my husband, siblings and his siblings, my son and his partner, their friends, my friends - all discuss do it yourself projects, household purchases, what they like, don’t like, colour schemes and so on. It sounds like you live in a 1950s American sitcom where the wifey does wifey things. In most Normal relationships differences in taste are discussed and compromises are reached. If I come home and DH has changed things around, if he’d something I wasn’t keen on we would discuss. Surely that’s what everyone does?

It's obviously not what everyone does , so your last point is not factual.

Not all relationships are the same, not all people care about certain things.

OH's contributions to anything paint /decorating related for example is "as long as it's not too dark" or "if you want to".
He didn't care when he was single, he's not suddenly going to care now exactly what shade of blue the walls are or where I move a vase or a bit of furniture.

It takes all sorts I suppose.
I’m 62 - first time I’ve ever been called ageist - can I have a badge?