AIBU - I moved a vase

[PineapplePrincess]

That’s it. I moved it. From the living room to the sitting area in the kitchen.

Cleared the kids stuff away, as no one had touched the stuff in over a year and they were collecting dust. Plug sock was visible, so arranged a lamp, vase and old fashioned phone in a way that would hide it and look nice.

Not wedded to it, but thought it would do till I find something better.

Of course husband lost the plot. Doesn’t like it. Okay fine, I asked him to suggest something better or said to just leave as is till we could maybe buy something - but no wasn’t happy.

Ended in a shouting match, as he’s trying to put the vase back - I’m trying to keep it where it is. Apparently I make all the decisions when it comes to decor (I don’t) and never consult him. I didn’t think we needed a conversation to move a bloody vase.

Really....?

He's being ridiculous about the vase but you were ridiculous about the radiator cover, they make the radiators less effective.

It is strange but when l think about it l would not like dh to move stuff around as l like where l have them. ( He doesn't even notice them) . So maybe we feel its wierd if a guy minds but not if the woman does. But l wouldn't create a big fuss. But first chance l got l would move it back!!

Controlling
Abusive

Be very careful
Your post has many red flags

Life is too short for this shit

My DH isn't fond of things being moved though, I don't think he'd make a fuss in this instance.
He doesn't do "not speaking" either.
He usually just moves things back as they were, to be "helpful" and says nothing.🙄
I find now, that if I move stuff and explain my rationale at the time, life is happier all round - it's his home too.
He did once ask me why I kept hanging the tea towel up the "wrong way" - who knew there was a right way?
Apparently, in Mr Wingedharpy's world, the fold of the towel should face in the direction that you enter the room🤔
Given that there are 2 ways to enter our kitchen, which are opposite to each other, I was no wiser.

Weird! I regularly move rooms around. Last time Dh made a comment that he finds it strange that I do this but it’s usually when I’m feeling stressed so have a room change. Apparently in the 20 years he lived at home his living room never changed once. I’d never really thought about it but guess it’s one of my quirks.

@Whydidimarryhim - love your username, seems appropriate atm 😂

I don’t get his argument here at all. All major decision (sofas, beds, chairs, tables, etc) he’s been heavily involved in. Big points of decor (paintings, etc) we have equal say - I put up with his Marvel comic paintings, he lives with my odd haunting art pieces (he bought me they first piece, so he started that trend!)

So it comes down to the smaller items. Generally he’s not interested in these, so they are mostly stuff I’ve brought from my previous life or I stuff pick up one the way. I’m not buying things very often, maybe an item a year or so....?

I would love to paint or wallpaper the walls, as most rooms are boring-beige. But he doesn’t want to and every idea I’ve had he doesn’t like. That’s a big chance and I wouldn’t go ahead without his agreement, but makes me likely to try and make good what we’ve already got, if that makes sense...

Unless it's a vase containing the ashes of his dead mother (even then it's an OTT reaction) then he's being a controlling prick.

OP if I were you I’d move in a new husband!

That’s so bizarre. My bloke doesn’t give a toss about home interior decisions. Feeling quite grateful about it now.

@Oldbutstillgotit

Why do some posters immediately jump to the conclusion that someone has OCD/ADHD / whatever rather than they are just a bad tempered controlling arse ?

Some of us might relate to the disproportionate and yet totally unavoidable distress caused by things being moved that most people wouldn't be bothered by. And perhaps, despite stereotypes, some of us are empathic and compassionate rather than leaping to the worst possible conclusion.

Yes, I'm autistic. I might've recently cried when a cleaner tried to throw a paper bag away.

Good grief. I'm glad my husband "lets" me arrange things how I like without making a fuss. He's involved in big decisions, but as far as where smaller decorative items go, I don't think he cares, though he'll make the occasional joke that he can't find things because they're always moving (not even remotely true, btw).

I'll probably be told that it's old-fashioned and reinforces gender-stereotypes, but I don't understand (straight) men who care that much about how their wife/partner arranges decor. I like a man who doesn't give a crap.

Since he doesn't usually care and it's not a sentimental item, I wonder if he's just in a bad mood about other things. Sometimes the stupidest, smallest thing can trigger a disproportional response, if something else is bothering us or we're being grumpy for no real reason.

OP, you're the first person I've ever heard of who wants to cover power sockets. Why do you feel they need hiding?

@CustardySergeant - really? They are so ugly!!!

OP, you're the first person I've ever heard of who wants to cover power sockets. Why do you feel they need hiding?

They do it all the time in decorating magazines/show-home photoshoots. It's too inconvenient for me to bother, but if I had one that was particularly prominent, I might try to disguise it, and I do try to hide power cords, when possible.

YABU. If husband and wife disagree on decor, the status quo should be the default decision.

But his response sounds really OTT and quite suspicious. I'd be looking around for a reason why he doesn't want it moved, like a hiding place for an illicit mobile phone.

Omg there's a camera in the plug socket 😲😲

All this fuss over a plastic vase, the world's gone mad.

@Tangledtresses - that would be the dullest recording ever.... 😂

@PineapplePrincess would explain his irrational behaviour.... go and have a look 👀

Your description of the vase sounds hideous tbh. Maybe it's not that bad - how can we tell if he's being really unreasonable without seeing it?

Jeez your dh needs to calm his t#ttys! . It’s a vase , there must be something going on with your dh for him to react this way over such a trivial matter?

I say this op as I suffered with mood swings and would react extremely over daft things that wouldn’t normally bother me

I’m frankly surprised that he noted a vase, men in my house are in another planet... one didn’t even noticed I painted the front door into a different colour until 3 years later!

I agree however that he sounds controlling and nasty, is it only decor he controls? I know a few people like that, they get nasty for every change from the hour the kids are put in the bath to the wife getting a new haircut. I even knew a bastard whose son had his own Christmas tree in his bedroom as dad wouldn’t let him decorate the main one.

I would check for a camera somewhere in the vicinity of what you moved. It is not unheard of unfortunately.